to be offended at neighbour's reaction

[SeaBreezeDream]

We aren't the kind of street where neighbours are all friends, we just nod the occasional hello etc. but a few days ago I had a small car smash pulling out of my drive and a lady a couple of doors along came out to see if I was ok. She was very kind with me and the situation in general, even though it was basically the first conversation we had ever really had. She waited with me a while and we got chatting and it was all very friendly and kind. I was upset and appreciated her being there.

I went round yesterday with a bunch of flowers to say thank you, plus a gift for her new grandchild as we had been chatting about the new baby and she was very excited about that. Her husband answered as she was out and I just handed them over and we exchanged pleasantries. All fine.

A little later I got a message from her saying thanks for the flowers and gift but I thought she was incredibly rude. She said

Thank you for the flowers and gift, there was no need. X and I couldn't stop laughing when we opened the gift. He was on their board for years and (daughter) is one of their buyers so we know all their products even though we don't tend to buy them. Daughter will find this so funny too! Take care, A.

Is that not a really crass message? Or am I being over sensitive?

(It cost £70 so wasn't exactly cheap shit either)

Wow I wouldn't spend 70 on my own kid, let alone a baby I've never met! It's really hard to spend that much on one item of baby clothes (or so I thought?!) 20years not talking to neighbours and throwing money around like that. How the other half live!

I think what she wrote sounded very rude and ungrateful. Im baffled that many of the comments here think what she wrote was fine. Totally the opposite imho.
And £70 blimey. A fiver on a small box of chocolates would have been plenty.

I vote for rude. It's rude to say they laughed at a gift, and daughter found it so funny. The laughter because they are so in-the-know and how hilarious that you aren't. The polite thing to do is say thank you for the lovely gift and how very kind.

I find it weird that other people don't think it's rude.

I think ypu and other posters are reading too much into this. I think they laughed as found it amusing you bought a gift from a place they are so connected with, she never buys as she wouldn't need to. I dont see mocking on anything just a slightly clumsily written message.

Who would ever say that, I'm in total shock at that message. You have a kind heart, don't ever let things like that change you, but never spend over a tenner on a token gift again.

Based on the message you received, it seems like there may have been a miscommunication or a difference in communication styles.

This is one of those times where the text format killed the message. I read it both how you took it and "Oh what a coincidence!" I don't think it was crass, just misinterpreted.

Your neighbour sounds like a warm, authentic person and someone I'd get on well with. She's sent a friendly thank you and shared the funny coincidence with you, while reassuring you that the daughter won't already have the gift. I'm not understanding at all why anyone's misinterpreting that as rude or even clumsy. That lots of people commenting seem to prefer cold politeness, mention "correct" ways of communicating and think friendliness is "boorish" is confusing and scary to me. It's upsetting to think that anytime I chat to anyone they could be thinking that way about it.

I think like another poster said she was just pointing out the coincidence. She could have been saying they don’t buy it as they don’t treat themselves to that sort of thing? I would go with your gut instinct, she seemed nice and stayed with you when you needed some support. Things can easily be taken out of context in a text or email x

I don't think it's intentional

Tis AIBU. Nothing survives down here.

I suspect she doesn't want a dismissive 'thanks for the gift' and is trying to say more with the anecdote. It would make me a little uncomfortable but I think she's trying to be chatty. I'd probably reply, "What a coincidence. I hope she can enjoy it anyway."

I personally do not think it is rude. It's just coincidence that you bought products from a company they're linked to (she is comfortable enough sharing that with you, which is nice) and I don't think it's rude to joke about it with you. I would t read too much into this.

At the very least she could have left out the, " even though we don't tend to buy them" part. I personally think it's all very rude.

Thoughtless.
I have a friend like this, will leave down right odd comments on my Instagram at times.
Late 50's, early 60's, professional career and should know better, is a nice person but just says some really daft things.
It used to bother me and now I just ignore it.
I would be miffed too.

You neighbour sounds a lot like my friend.

You bought your neighbours grandchild a £70 gift??? YABU

But yes your neighbour was rude about it

I thought it rude too. Plus you really spent £70 on a neighbour ? Plus flowers ?

I agree it does initially come across as potentially - we don’t want their products and we laughed that you brought us this - but given she’s never given the impression of random rudeness before and the mention of their close family ties to the business I think it’s probably clumsy wording meant to convey that they were really touched and laughed in delight because you unexpectedly chose a gift from a company very important to them and that they appreciated the value of the gift you gave them on two levels (which means if was actually lovely for them and they’ll likely remember the unexpected delight you gave them forever more) and it’s lovely because they don’t often think to buy what is essentially their own products - in a kind of “why have we never been to this wonderful tourist destination right on our doorstep before” type way. On reflection, to me the text definitely comes across that they were really touched by your thoughtful gesture.

It's not at all rude - as people have already said it was an anecdote. She's just saying what a coincidence it was regarding the gift you chose.

Your reaction is rather odd.

I would not take offence. The text sounded lovely and cheerful and light hearted. She is a jolly person.
It is great that you have made a caring friend next door.

The things people take offence over these days just astounds me. Some people don't seem to have a clue about normal social interaction.

They didn't laugh at the gift. They laughed because the husband was on the board and the daughter was a buyer - i.e. "what a coincidence that you bought a gift from there".

I find it weird that other people can't grasp that.

You have both acted rationally, reasonably and with kind intentions. There is no bad guy here.

I think that people are also surprised because you bought such an expensive gift. Not a token thank you gift but a really expensive big gift.