to be offended at neighbour's reaction

[SeaBreezeDream]

We aren't the kind of street where neighbours are all friends, we just nod the occasional hello etc. but a few days ago I had a small car smash pulling out of my drive and a lady a couple of doors along came out to see if I was ok. She was very kind with me and the situation in general, even though it was basically the first conversation we had ever really had. She waited with me a while and we got chatting and it was all very friendly and kind. I was upset and appreciated her being there.

I went round yesterday with a bunch of flowers to say thank you, plus a gift for her new grandchild as we had been chatting about the new baby and she was very excited about that. Her husband answered as she was out and I just handed them over and we exchanged pleasantries. All fine.

A little later I got a message from her saying thanks for the flowers and gift but I thought she was incredibly rude. She said

Thank you for the flowers and gift, there was no need. X and I couldn't stop laughing when we opened the gift. He was on their board for years and (daughter) is one of their buyers so we know all their products even though we don't tend to buy them. Daughter will find this so funny too! Take care, A.

Is that not a really crass message? Or am I being over sensitive?

(It cost £70 so wasn't exactly cheap shit either)

I think her message was rude.

I think you spending £70 on a gift for the grandchild of a neighbour you have never spoken to was weird.

…so we know all their products even though we don't tend to buy them.

That part sounds rude, almost as if she wants to indicate they don’t like the products. However, flowers and a gift under the circumstances are a bit OTT. A sincere thank you, or at most a nice “thank you” card, would have been plenty.

I agree with this!

Im one of the ones saying shes not been rude OP.

If she ever contacts you again, I think you should invite her round for coffee or whatever. Could be the start of a new friendship.

It doesn't sound mean or anything. She was just relating a little anecdote - but why the hell would you spend £70?

I think it was rude, it's certainly not classy!

Nothing to see here, just take a breath, pull up your big girl pants and move on...

£70?! Wow. They probably think you are either bonkers or very rich. A token would have sufficed no?

even though we don't tend to buy them

you have taken as I would never dream of buying them and don’t want them you have wasted your money

how on earth have you got to that? Why WOULD she buy presents at full price from a brand her daughter works for and probably gets at a slightly reduced price. That would be totally strange. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like them at all. You’ve made that conclusion all by yourself!

There is nothing rude in her response - you are just reading it weirdly.

I’ve worked in this area and the DD will be getting them for nothing and furthermore would receive even more from suppliers before going on mat leave. The OP wouldn’t necessarily know this unless she’d worked in an industry with buyers though.

I agree.

A rude graceless response.

I would cringe for them

I just wish I could afford to drop £70 on someone I don't really care about and have no intention of being friends with. Do you know it's an insignificant sum to her, OP? Perhaps her saying she was aware of the brand was her way of saying she was also aware of the price.

I'm on the side of thinking that the message was pretty rude rather than passing on an amusing anecdote.

However, with the mention of boards, buyers, living for 20 years a few doors away, the value of the gift (which OP didn't mention as an extravagant gesture and seems irritated that it's been dwelt upon). I'm wondering if it's a kind of row of gated establishments who all keep to themselves and that therefore the buying a gift and flowers was something of a break in reserve, and the recipient wasn't sure how to acknowledge?

It all sounds very awkward, after what sounds like a minor incident and people being neighbourly. I don't especially know most of my neighbours but, especially after lockdown, we look out for each other and are friendly enough.

OP, I would’ve found your neighbours text a little… clumsy, and possibly, initially, rude, but over the years I’ve realised that many people write texts very fast and then send them without re-reading . So I’d guess that your neighbour didn’t mean in any way to be rude. She sounds like a kind person.

However, when she says ‘there was no need’ - I think she might be communicating something about how she sees the neighbour relationship. In my experience, one doesn’t normally buy presents for neighbours when they’ve done you a good turn because the good turn stores up ‘ credit’ - I don’t know how to put this exactly. If I help a neighbour, I feel I can ask for their help if/when I need it. Gifts are not given for a good turn, in fact they disrupt that process of helping and knowing you can ask for help.

That said, she didn’t know you, and she came to your aid at a very vulnerable and emotional moment. So a gift is not so out of place. I feel that your gift was too expensive for the neighbour relationship, but it’s not something to lose sleep over. I think your reply to her text was good.

I agree with you and find it really rude - there was no need to put in that they laughed when they open your gift. The tone comes across as mocking to me. Bet she's been to Elevenerife.

You sound lovely, don't waste any more money on this woman or her family.

I think pretty crass. If you receive a gift that is in some way wrong (in this case, from a family business where they could get the item free but don't even do that!) you don't spell it out to the giver, especially if you hardly know them!! You just say thank you! I must be old fashioned!

@PortiaWithNoBreaks

Despite not working directly in retail or buying I realised that her daughter will have constant access to free/subsidised products. I thought anyone would know that, so I thought it seemed crass for her to highlight it.

Crikey, sorry o if you knew that (plenty on this thread are unaware it seems), why on earth did you spend £70 on something you knew she could get for nothing?

Can I be your friend OP? If £70 is your average for a "token" gift of thanks, I am more than happy to chat to you, put your bin away or water your plants ANY TIME

I'm really surprised at all the posts on here saying it's no big deal.

She sounds like a vile competitive cow to me, responding with that message after what you'd spent.

Honestly, I really hope you have better neighbours than this, and I would give her a very wide berth from now on.

@PortiaWithNoBreaks I know buyers have these perks. I had no idea her daughter was a buyer at all, never mind for the shop where I bought the gift.

@AirFryerFrequentFlyer I would need to know where all your family are employed first though

@FaintlyInglorious The vast majority in this thread don't agree it seems, and I've been told I have a fragile ego, am attention seeking, trying to buy a friend, am hostile, feel insecure, feel like I don't belong on this street, I am ridiculous, overreacting, am rude for not wanting to develop a friendship for even questioning it!

More money than sense.....