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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m not lazy or taking the “easy way out” for having a c section!

137 replies

Younghearts · 01/11/2023 12:41

I’m sure she didn’t mean too, but friend upset me earlier by her throw away comment. I had a c section 8 months ago, a couple of days into my induction because babies heart rate sky rocketed and I got extremely anxious and asked for an elective. It was a hard recovery but I do not regret it and loved my experience. I could have maybe continued with the vaginal route - but the nurses were constantly putting me on drips and monitors and I’d had enough and no sleep.

Anyway, having a light hearted convo with a friend and told her I’d probably have an elective c section if I was to have another DC and she said “Oh no you’re missing out, don’t take the easy way out and be lazy! It’s amazing pushing”

I said “I don’t feel like I’m missing out I had a great c section experience” and left it as that.

It’s been a couple of days and the comment is sitting there in my mind. Shall I say something or let it go?

OP posts:
TheSugarcubes · 01/11/2023 12:44

I don't see what you could say other than that you would prefer to skip the birth which she already knows. What would you like to say?

Snowpaw · 01/11/2023 12:47

I'm sorry you were faced with her comments. Opting for major abdominal surgery is not an easy way out.

I had a similar birth experience to you - 3 days of induction, 10 days overdue, wasn't in labour despite their efforts and I had had very little sleep in 3 days. Baby's heart rate shooting up each day. Before they broke my waters I said no, I don't want it. I just want to go straight to C-section now. I did not want to risk a traumatic / instrumental birth so I opted for the C-section. I will never know what would have happened if I had carried on with the induction. I could have had a vaginal birth. Equally it could have been a terrible birth with life changing injuries or trauma. When you're in the thick of it, you have to make what decision you think is right and its no one else's choice but your's.

I would perhaps bring it up in your next conversation how her comments made you feel. It might help her understand and avoid saying similar things to other new mothers in the future.

tigger1001 · 01/11/2023 12:49

I think you just let it go. And maybe just say something if she brings it up again.

Both my children were born by c-section. Thoughtless people did say similar to me. Neither of mine were elective but if I had to do it again I would have chosen the much more calm elective approach rather than emergency c-sections.

C-section isn't lazy etc. what matters is the safe delivery of your child.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 01/11/2023 12:49

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Original poster
Younghearts · 01/11/2023 12:50

@herewegoroundthebastardbush I know I felt the same when I read that. I didn’t even know what to say back. I couldn’t skip the birth - I was there 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Younghearts · 01/11/2023 12:51

@Snowpaw Yes I fully agree. When you’re in the thick of it, sleep deprived and your babies HB is all over the place you make the best decision for yourself and baby. The hospital told me they’d keep going with the induction for the next couple of days and I thought absolutely no way.

OP posts:
SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 01/11/2023 12:51

"I'd rather miss out on the natural birth experience than have a dead baby" would probably have been my response, but I'm a bit brutal.

Your baby was in distress and you did what needed to be done. You got your baby out healthy. That was your job, that's what matters. Almost one third of births in the UK are by C section. It's major abdominal surgery, certainly not a lazy or easy option.

If you have another you can choose what you want. Vaginal birth after C section has it's risks. There should be no judgement or stigma for choosing c section. You do what is right for you, for you to have a healthy second child, and you to be in the best health possible for your babies.

Cosywintertime · 01/11/2023 12:52

TheSugarcubes · 01/11/2023 12:44

I don't see what you could say other than that you would prefer to skip the birth which she already knows. What would you like to say?

Skip the birth? Are you quite alright? You do understand children are still born by caesarean. How can you not understand this, the only way to skip the birth is by not attending your surrogate giving birth. Be it vaginally or via c section.

FrostBeDonePls · 01/11/2023 12:52

If your friend thinks pushing is amazing, i wonder what was she smoking? 😬

ratherbthedevil · 01/11/2023 12:53

I had a c section with my first, I went for a VBAC with my second since it seemed easier than having to recover from a c section,

Neither option is easier than the other. Both have pros and cons.

Do what's best for you.

I hate people who think their way is the best and only way to do things.

CanIPetThatDawg · 01/11/2023 12:54

'you’re missing out, don’t take the easy way out and be lazy! It’s amazing pushing'

Is she generally a tactless fanny?

That would have pissed me off. And I'd have said so.

Dinoswearunderpants · 01/11/2023 12:54

Having severe abdominal surgery is not an easy way out!

I never wanted a C section and was heartbroken that I needed an emergency one.

I think it's very judgemental of her but I'd let it go. She's ignorant as she doesn't know how difficult the recovery can be from c sections.

Original poster
Younghearts · 01/11/2023 12:54

@tigger1001 Thank you. I do not think either way of giving birth is lazy. You spend all them months being pregnant, a woman is far from lazy.

I still feel like c section births are still taboo to some people. I had a friend who had twins and one was breech - she got told she was “too posh to push” and was “giving in” by having her c section, despite the fact breech twin most likely wouldn’t of made it if they tried vaginally.

OP posts:
MrsApplepants · 01/11/2023 12:55

Pushing is really not amazing. Crazy woman

CanIPetThatDawg · 01/11/2023 12:55

This reply has been deleted

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Olika · 01/11/2023 12:55

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 01/11/2023 12:51

"I'd rather miss out on the natural birth experience than have a dead baby" would probably have been my response, but I'm a bit brutal.

Your baby was in distress and you did what needed to be done. You got your baby out healthy. That was your job, that's what matters. Almost one third of births in the UK are by C section. It's major abdominal surgery, certainly not a lazy or easy option.

If you have another you can choose what you want. Vaginal birth after C section has it's risks. There should be no judgement or stigma for choosing c section. You do what is right for you, for you to have a healthy second child, and you to be in the best health possible for your babies.

I would have said this.

Cosywintertime · 01/11/2023 12:56

Younghearts · 01/11/2023 12:50

@herewegoroundthebastardbush I know I felt the same when I read that. I didn’t even know what to say back. I couldn’t skip the birth - I was there 🤣

Exactly, I’d like to skip the birth please, I will be down Costas having a coffee, text me when the baby is born. Oh wait, what I need to be there?😂

I don’t understand why someone would comment if they don’t actually know what a c section is. Which clearly that poster doesn’t otherwise they’d not have written something so illogical.

skip the birth 😂

Original poster
Younghearts · 01/11/2023 12:56

@FrostBeDonePls The “weird” part about it is, she says pushing was amazing but didn’t have a good birth experience.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 01/11/2023 12:57

Csection isn't easy I've seen friends have a vbac and drive themselves home frim hospital you can't do that after a Csection its a harder recovery

CanIPetThatDawg · 01/11/2023 12:58

Younghearts · 01/11/2023 12:56

@FrostBeDonePls The “weird” part about it is, she says pushing was amazing but didn’t have a good birth experience.

sounds like she's feeling defensive and wants to counter any negatives she still has about her own birth experience by boosting it to others.

Original poster
Younghearts · 01/11/2023 12:58

@Cosywintertime I actually still cannot get over that comment from the poster but it’s made me laugh quite a bit. Skip the birth… 🤣 imagine me sitting in my midwife and asking “do you know if it’s okay for me to skip the birth this time?”

OP posts:
Coffeerum · 01/11/2023 12:58

I've had one section and have one coming up soon, I've never heard anyone say anything close to this in real life.
Frankly I couldn't give an F if they did though. I certainly wouldn't be putting time and effort into that person in future.

Biasquia · 01/11/2023 12:59

VB was having her c sections when I had mine and too posh to push was a thing. I must have heard it 20 times 🙄 Seriously who cares what idiots think?

MrsClatterbuck · 01/11/2023 13:00

My friend had an emergency c section due to complications. It was touch and go if either her or baby would survive. Fortunately both did.
She opted for a c section for her subsequent birth.

Precipice · 01/11/2023 13:00

If she thinks caesarean is an "easy-way out", why does she want you to have a hard birth and suffer?

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