I’m not lazy or taking the “easy way out” for having a c section!

[Younghearts]

I’m sure she didn’t mean too, but friend upset me earlier by her throw away comment. I had a c section 8 months ago, a couple of days into my induction because babies heart rate sky rocketed and I got extremely anxious and asked for an elective. It was a hard recovery but I do not regret it and loved my experience. I could have maybe continued with the vaginal route - but the nurses were constantly putting me on drips and monitors and I’d had enough and no sleep.

Anyway, having a light hearted convo with a friend and told her I’d probably have an elective c section if I was to have another DC and she said “Oh no you’re missing out, don’t take the easy way out and be lazy! It’s amazing pushing”

I said “I don’t feel like I’m missing out I had a great c section experience” and left it as that.

It’s been a couple of days and the comment is sitting there in my mind. Shall I say something or let it go?

I had two vaginal births, so can’t comment on a c-section. But I can say the thought terrified me. It’s major surgery not something most people would take lightly!

It doesn’t matter how your baby was delivered, but that your baby was delivered safely that matters! You done what was best for you. Don’t worry about what others think.

It's 2023 almost 2024 and yet there's still so much ignorance. I couldn't be friends with someone like that. Ewwwww.

Your friend was being a bitch 🤷🏼‍♀️

Also, just a thought, but if c sections were genuinely the easier and safer way to birth babies, they would be given to every expecting mother.

The fact that they aren't, I think, speaks volumes as much they are not, in fact, the easy option.

I had both mine by elective c section and wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve never spent a second wondering what I might have been missing (a lot of pain and stress probably). Ignore her and do what’s best for you. Did she get medals for having natural births?

I wouldn’t say anything now, but if you do find yourself in a similar conversation with her again in the future, say something sarky like “I can’t decide whether I’d do it the ‘lazy way’ next time or the ‘martyr way’ 🤔”
Obviously I know neither way are these things, so no-one need to start with me!

Missing out on what? Having your vagina ripped up to your arsehole?!

No thanks. I liked bother my elective C-sections, fast recovery and no mashed up genitals.

More fool those of you who think vaginal births are a worth while experience

Anyone can elect for a C-section ( and should in my opinion) as they are safer for you and baby. As told by my surgeon!

@SusanSHelit maybe in a world where money didn't exist.

The strangest thing about threads like these are loads of people pile on to say that having a C-section isn't the easy way out as if a woman opting for an easier birth is such a terrible thing. Of course medical necessity and delivering a healthy baby safely should trump ease, but there is no inherent shame in avoiding a harder than necessary experience. In fact most people are constantly seeking easier alternatives in all other aspects of our lives and yet it is considered a mortal sin for a woman to do this with birth. I can't help but wonder what weird misogyny and martyrdom underlies the stigma behind c-sections.

I have not had a c section but I don’t think it sounds like an easy way out at all! Or especially posh? I’ve never understood this, either way the baby is born and the mother needs to recover physically and mentally.

The point being made is it isn’t easier. Just different. So there should be no myth it is. I know full well it’s just those who are not educated, ignorant or ill informed who think that, but we should not pretend it’s easier.

God that was crass. There is no easy way out when it comes to birth ffs. Literally none. Vaginal: can be horrendous. C-section: can be horrendous.

I have come across a few women who seem to find pushing their baby out the best thing they've ever come across who then go on and on about it like it's the second coming of Christ. She sounds like one of those.

The only regret I have in life is that I didn't push for a c section and went for a vaginal birth instead. Never fucking again. Everyone goes on about the risks of c sections, very few people are honest about the immense risks of vaginal births.

I've given birth both ways and they're both awful in different ways. I'd have said a caesarean was much harder, though, and definitely not the "easy way".

Skip the birth??? Award for the most ignorant comment goes to..

My c sections births were beautiful experiences thanks, and I certainly didn’t skip anything. Recovery not so beautiful which was long and painful, with some complications, so certainly not the ‘easy way out’.. But I am forever grateful that my children and I survived which they most likely wouldn’t have without a c section.

Something similar happened to me. Pregnant friend talking about her upcoming first birth. She asked me about my births (two children) and I started to tell her about my 2 c sections - one emergency, the following elective - and she cut me off mid sentence and said ‘oh never mind, I’ll be doing it the proper way so that doesn’t apply to me’. I was pretty stunned and didn’t say anything.

She later went on to have an emergency c section herself and whenever she talks about it she makes a big deal about saying ‘I actually had to have it done, it wasn’t a choice I actually needed it’ 🤦🏻‍♀️

Calling it the easy way out is ignorant.

However there is something so peculiar and memorable about vaginal birth, it's an experience unlike anything else. I can see why she'd think you might want to experience that.

Of course, there are plenty of risks too. I've had cs and vaginal birth, overall I preferred vbac but neither is a walk in the park.

Your attitude is no better than OP’s friend’s to be honest. Not every vaginal birth ends in “having your vagina ripped up to your arsehole” or “mashed up genitals”, and women who opt for one are not fools.

I've had both so I can confirm that a c-section is not the easy way out. It's the same amount of pain but in labour you get your birth partner rubbing your back and the midwife saying "you are doing so well" etc. When you're in pain after c-section you have to look after a baby, sterilize bottles and make your own breakfast at the same time which I really struggled with. I can manage pain if I am just focused on my self and being waited on but can't cope with pain and having to do other stuff as well. And also your friend is rude.

@fearfuloffluff yes 100% friend was ignorant

There is no part of me that feels like I want to experience it. I did before my elective. In fact I always wanted a water birth. Out of all my friends I was the only one to have a positive birth experience, so when they tell me about how awful their vaginal births were then say I’m missing out I actually feel like, they’re the ones missing out on the positive experience I had. My c section was so memorial to me; I would pay any money to go back and re live that experience x

And here's a good example of the fact there are dickheads of every perspective 😁

@herewegoroundthebastardbush Yes it’s a shame that we have to knock other woman down. What my post was aimed at was that both routes are just as hard and there’s no easy way. Although I absolutely loved my c section experience I can also understand why some woman love the thought of a vaginal birth. I actually myself wanted a water birth. But I have no regrets!

Why on earth is this a competition? Giving birth is bloody hard no matter whether it’s vaginal or CS. People should do what is right for them and their baby. The healthy baby and mum at the end is the goal and it really doesn’t matter to anyone else how it happens.

Thank you, I think I want one- everyone in my family has had bad first births some to the point of needing blood transfusions and 2x close relatives have needed forceps, one causing damage to the baby (not serious but still needed physio to correct).

Recovery with a section is surely harder than a straightforward vaginal birth but you don’t know you’re going to get one of them, do you? Not sure I want to roll the dice.

Sorry I was in a funny mood earlier and didn't mean to offend anyone with my crassness

I'm not treading on other women, I just didn't want my experience to be the same as many stories I have heard first hand

My recovery was very quick compared with a friend who had a vaginal and suffered immensely and has caused life long problems.

I believe NICE guidelines say you can elect for c section any reason. It is a viable option and should be considered and weighed up against vagjnal