I’m not lazy or taking the “easy way out” for having a c section!

[Younghearts]

I’m sure she didn’t mean too, but friend upset me earlier by her throw away comment. I had a c section 8 months ago, a couple of days into my induction because babies heart rate sky rocketed and I got extremely anxious and asked for an elective. It was a hard recovery but I do not regret it and loved my experience. I could have maybe continued with the vaginal route - but the nurses were constantly putting me on drips and monitors and I’d had enough and no sleep.

Anyway, having a light hearted convo with a friend and told her I’d probably have an elective c section if I was to have another DC and she said “Oh no you’re missing out, don’t take the easy way out and be lazy! It’s amazing pushing”

I said “I don’t feel like I’m missing out I had a great c section experience” and left it as that.

It’s been a couple of days and the comment is sitting there in my mind. Shall I say something or let it go?

Dont give it another thought. There are no medals being handed out for who has the longest most painful birth. Neither are there white feathers for those who choose caesarian, pain relief epidural and so on.

It worries me that some people may opt for a caesarean solely because they think it is an easier option. It isn't.

I know someone with 5 children, one of which was born by caesarean on medical advice (breech). She says that it was by far her hardest birth to recover from.

Two vaginal births. I'd have very much liked to skip them! Sadly that doesn't seem to be an option!

I was really worried that I would have to have a C-section when I was induced with DC2: it's brilliant that you had a good experience. Your friend is ridiculous.

You handled it well. But I wonder if she’s ok? If she’s normally a good friend and doesn’t have form for being nasty then I would be concerned that she’s still processing some trauma or suffering from PND as it really isn’t normal to care about how someone else gives birth to to feel the need excessively reaffirm your own choices.

I've had 3 vaginal births, trust me you are not missing out on anything. Your friend is a loon if she thinks everyone had the same magical experience as her.

I honestly feel that unless you've experienced both you're not really in a position to comment on, let alone criticize, either option.
I'm in a unique position of having had a laparotomy to remove a dermoid cyst
roughly the size of my head - basically a c-section but instead of a baby I got
a tumour and one less ovary.
Having experienced the recovery from that I fully plan to push with the power of a thousand suns if and when I get pregnant because I can't imagine going through that and trying to care for a small human afterwards!

Paed and community child heath nurse here. Also birthed two babies - one vaginally, one caesarean.

OP, I would love you to say something. Other women do not have the right to pass judgment on how we give birth or what our birth choices are or have been. So many of our births do not go how we want or have planned for them to go, and we women bear the grief and trauma of that too often.

A baby has to be born, to come out vaginally or through a caesarean. Natural is not a term that should be used. And if any interventions that are given, whether it be forceps, epidural, spinal for a caesarean, whatever, if it means that the baby and mother are born healthy, definitely including emotionally healthy, then that is the absolute most important thing.

Same with breast-feeding. Do or don't, that baby will grow beautifully either way.

Stick to your guns about how you feel, accept your decisions, which are your alone to make, and please feel free to challenge others who look down on you for a Caesar. Which, by the way, took me longer to recover from than my vaginal birth.

I cannot fathom why anybody would think a C-section is the easy option. It's major abdominal surgery from which you have to recover whilst being responsible for the every need of a tiny baby! Your friend is a fucking idiot, and I say that as someone who's had one straightforward vaginal birth and no C-sections.

You are as moronic as the OP's friend.

Your tongue-in-cheek comment filter is working a bit too well today.

Having had one unassisted vaginal delivery, a ventouse delivery and an emergency section, I really do not think the section is the easy way out. It was by far the hardest and longest recovery. I don’t think anything about it was easier - but in the particular circumstances it was most definitely safer for DS to have a section.

People who say this sort of stuff about ‘too posh to push’ are just talking utter shite. No one knows what kind of birth they’re going to have. There’s no way anyone can confidently say that pushing is a lovely experience as if that’s a universal truth.

Have the birth that you and your HCPs think is right for you. And ignore people who make stupid statements.

Silly comment. I had twins vaginally. Suffered tearing and couldn't sit down comfortably for a few weeks although ultimately I made a full recovery. I was, however, still able to drive, physically pick up my DC etc, whereas mums who had c-sections weren't. Neither is an easy or lazy option!

The 'too posh to push' narrative has a lot to answer for. There's a perception that women use it to avoid the pain of child birth vaginally. It's utter tosh because (a) medicine has rarely given a stuff about women's pain anyway and (b) the aftermath of a c-section can cause new mothers all sorts of practical difficulties.

The only thing is that if she's a good friend she probably didn't think about what she was saying and would be mortified to know it upset you.

As you've had a section, the medical professionals by and large would push you in the direction of an elective for your second child anyway - and the flip side of the wanker coin from people like your twatty mate scolding you for not 'trying' are the people who scolded me for 'risking my baby's life' by making my own risk assessment and trying for a VBAC. The fact of the matter is it is anyone passing judgments on an individual woman's birth choices in conversation is a monumental bellend and just plain rude so fuck them.

I was SO desperate for a 'natural birth' with my first baby, I went two weeks overdue waiting, eventually agreed to be induced, laboured agonisingly for days with contractions every three minutes almost from the off, and eventually ended up with an elective section as I was exhausted and my partner was close to a nervous breakdown from watching me struggle for so long and neither of us having any sleep (went to be induced Saturday morning, baby didn't appear until Tuesday night - bloody horrible and quite traumatic). For ages I blamed myself for 'giving in' to the section, and even for 'giving in' to the induction, as all the 'natural birth' advocates sucked their teeth at that and said that if I hadn't had an induction baby would have come 'naturally' in their own time.

Fr second baby I was a lot more relaxed about things but still wanted to try for a natural birth, so booked myself for a VBAC at home; I had to make the case for myself against some opposition, whilst avoiding building it up into a big deal in my mind, because I knew my MH couldn't take another 'failure'. What will be will be was very much my mantra. This time I went into labour naturally, and it turns out I apparently just have very rapid onset, very powerful, very painful contractions pretty much from the get go even 'naturally' (had blamed this on the induction previously, and was looking forward to experiencing gradually increasing 'waves' with baby 2 - no such luck!).

Meconium in waters nixed my homebirth, and not too long into labour baby's heart rate started struggling, and despite all my powerful frequent contracting I wasn't dilating much at all. As I was moving around so much, staff were struggling to monitor baby and wanted to give me an epidural to keep me still. I looked at the way things were going for me, considered the likelihood that the ordeal I was about to go through had any likelihood of 'healing' my previous experience or giving me a healthy, vaginally delivered baby, and decided to go for another elective. Baby arrived screaming and well (and massive like her sister, both over 9lbs!) and I was home within 24 hours).

Looking back, I'm glad I tried again for a natural birth, but I'm gladder still that I knew when to stop and saved myself a lot of pain and upset. Taking control of things for myself, even when it didn't give me the experience I had wanted, was far more healing of my previous rather traumatic experience and far more empowering than pursuing a natural birth could have been for me under the circumstances. And most important of all , my baby was well and safe.

She's being quite silly and thoughtless. I had two very natural home births and I don't really think it's 'amazing' pushing. But a c-section is not the easy way out. It's major surgery and not something anyone would choose just because it's 'easier'. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to have one, if I had other options. You made the absolute best choice for you though and your friend is being really insensitive.

I have a friend who has hang ups like this about breastfeeding. She found breastfeeding really difficult and it really affected her mental health, but she is militant about it and anyone who doesn't breastfeed deserves to lose their children to care because it's neglect, blah, blah, blah. (Yes, really). I breastfed one of mine and formula fed the other one, both for good, well thought out reasons each time. She's just bonkers.

Some times though people struggle with their own experiences and how they feel about them, and the easiest thing to do is to project that experience onto someone else's choices to make them feel a bit better.

@FetchezLaVache

You seem to be the only person this thread that found that one to be humorous

In no way is a c section easy, lazy or in any way “skipping the birth”

It’s major abdominal surgery and a hard recovery, but is often safer for the baby in particular. In your circumstances it sounds like totally the right decision from every point of view.

This woman’s comments sound very ignorant. You just need to ignore.

(Not got any axe to grind here as I was lucky enough to have relatively “easy” vaginal births. But having been on the ward with many mums who’d had c sections, I could see that their experience was not the easier one! Not that I think “easy” should be said in the context of births at all)

I don't actually think that's contradictory! Pregnancy, labour and birth is incredibly primal and the feelings that go with it are probably not easily compartmentalised.

"I'd rather miss out on the natural birth experience than have a dead baby" would probably have been my response, but I'm a bit brutal

Indeed this.

There are only two ways of getting a baby out, and neither is pleasant or easy!

There's a perception that women use it to avoid the pain of child birth vaginally. It's utter tosh because (a) medicine has rarely given a stuff about women's pain anyway and (b) the aftermath of a c-section can cause new mothers all sorts of practical difficulties.

And it really hurts. Recovering from major abdominal surgery is painful. Very painful. Even without a newborn involved.

Having a section doesn’t somehow produce a nice, tidy, pain free experiences. There are catheters and stitches and struggling to move at all, and all sorts of indignities involved.

There’s no way that @BitofaStramash ‘s comment was “tongue in cheek”, @FetchezLaVache

Tongue in cheek doesn’t mean saying something insulting then pretending “it was a joke”

I was due to have my second section due to my ds being both breech and low in amniotic fluid and the anaesthetist joked that I was too posh to push. I absolutely tore him off a strip and told him not to be so fucking rude.

It's not the easy way out at all. It fucking hurts, like most people's experience of childbirth.

This attitude really grinds my gears!

Pushing my babies out were the 2 worst experiences of my life. She is nuts

Your friend is pretty thoughtless. I’ve done birth both ways and would choose c section over vaginal birth any day. I didn’t push either of my children out as I just couldn’t. It’s so bizarre how competitive women get over what way they birthed their children - not to mention how some women seem determined that other women should suffer bringing a child into the world! Mad!

The good thing about vaginal births for me - if anyone ever asked - was that I was up and feeling fine pretty much straight away (especially after the first aged 29). Until the sleep deprivation of having newborn care straight afterwards with no chance to sleep or rest hit. But that plus point isn’t the same for everyone either.

How about 'born is best'?