Aibu to think my parents are still biological

[Dontknowwhoiamrightnow]

Last week I urgently needed my birth certificate. I couldn't find it, so ordered a copy.
A few days later the post arrives and there is a letter to say that the information I provided for the birth certificate didn't match, but they checked some other files and the certificate is enclosed.
It's an ADOPTION certificate!!! I have an adoption certificate.
I had no idea I had even been adopted!!
Backstory-: I lived with my "mum and dad". I had my mum's maiden name at birth.
My parents told me that my name was changed to my dad's surname when they got married two years after birth.
I was told this was so that we could all have the same name.
This was In the 1980's.
My mum does look like me and my kids, so I think she is my biological mum.
AIBU to think that my parents are my biological parents and they became my adopters, just to change my name OR is it reasonable to think that my dad is not my real dad.
I know, I'm clutching at straws, it seems more than likely he's not my real dad.... How do I make sense of it all? Is there really any chance they are both my bio parents and the adoption was just to make me legitimate?
I'm in bits right now and don't know what to do xxx

I would say this is the likely scenario, still a bit of a shock but no need to panic 💛

I haven't read the full thread but when I was born my parents were unmarried. I was registered in my mothers name and got a birth certificate. They got married a year later and I was then registered in my dads name with a new birth certificate. As a teenager they divorced and for a decade I went by my mothers maiden made and then one day I needed a birth certificate for uni/student loans and lo and behold I couldn't get one in my known mums maiden made. I had to get another in my dads name and then change my name by deedpoll to the mums maiden name. I never had an adoption certificate. At all.

Have you checked on Free BMDs for your name and your mother's maiden name as your surname for the quarter and year you were born in? A relative of mine was adopted but she could still find her original birth registration on line when she knew her biological mother's maiden name.

Do you look a tiny premature baby in the photo from the day you were born OP? Or has the uncle been told a tale about you being too early and having to stay in hospital when actually you were born to someone else in the family who ultimately couldn't keep you and were with them/in hospital while it was decided what to do with you? Xx

It would have been a gradual change, different areas, different social circles in the same area, different experiences in the previous generations.

Society didn't go from shotgun weddings, babies being passed off as Granny's late baby, and mother & baby homes with forced adoptions, to all single mums keeping their babies over night.

I'd think it's still fround upon in certain religious communities.

I’m sorry for your shock OP.

I agree with pps that the recent bereavement doesn’t prevent you from talking about it to your family. They already know what happened, so it won’t be upsetting for them. It’s much more upsetting for you if they turn out not to be your bio parents. But by the sound of it it’s likely that your mum is your bio mum.

A friend of mine, single mum 1 child. She got married and her husband wished to adopt her son. She also had to be named as adoptive parent even though she was the child's bio
Something to do with it cancelling her parental responsibilities

There is a possibility that both your parents are your biological parents, when an unmarried couple have a baby and the baby is given the birth mums surname, then they get married and want to give the child the surname of the dad, then the dad has to legally adopt his own child

It sounds to me that you could perhaps be the child of another family member, e.g. your mum is biologically your aunt, or even your sister. In some communities it was fairly common for another family member to take on a child to save face if, for example, the biological parents were unmarried or young.

I’m absolutely amazed that you applied for a birth certificate and ended up with an adoption certificate! How did that happen? They’re 2 entirely different processes. Surely such a thing shouldn’t happen because its clearly traumatic to find out your adopted in this way.

IIRC, if he wasn't your biological father but wished to adopt you, your Mum would have had to also give up her 'bio' rights and adopt you as well.

A friend of mine wanted to adopt his wife's eldest son (his bio dad was a total loser who didn't want anything to do with him). The bio dad agreed to the adoption (he was delighted to not have the "responsibility" of being a parent), but as adoptive parents have more rights than biological parents, both my friend and his wife had to adopt their son.

So, in their case, the Mum is both the biological AND adoptive mother, and my friend is simply his adoptive father. I'm sure he will have been issued with an adoption certificate that shows them both.

Back in the day (and even depending on location perhaps), could it be that your Mum was married to someone else at the time and her husband was automatically listed as father, even if he wasn't? Then to get your Dad on later, he had to "adopt" you?

I hope you get to the bottom of it OP, and hope it doesn't cause any waves elsewhere!

I think your gut feeling might be right though - they may very well be your bio parents, but bureaucracy has meant they had to go about both being registered in a very convoluted way!

You can go on freebmd and search for your original birth records. Once you have the reference number you can apply for your original birth certificate from the GRO (General Register Office).

You could also do an Ancestry DNA test, your matches will help work out if you have genetic links to your Dad.

Good luck, this must be such a shock for you.

I was in a working class deprived area in S.E. London but I can believe things were different in a remote village.

Step parent adoption.

A school friend of mine, so born late 70s, was adopted by her real mum and her stepdad. The mum had her to a different man who then left her, then met the stepdad, married him and then they both adopted her.
So it could be a scenario like that.

You can - I ordered one I suspected being an illegitimate child of my grandmother, it arrived and is annotated with the word adopted in the margin.

Doesn't say who she was adopted by etc but is the registration of her birth with father unknown

I know of a family where the parents had a baby out of wedlock who they put up for adoption. The same parents got married two years later and had another two children. The story only came to light after the second parent died and the first child made himself known.
He had been in touch with at least one of his biological parents, but the parents were embarrassed to tell the story.

Ah love however it turns out your parents have always been your parents who loved, looked after and tried to do the best for you.

I hope you’re able to get some answers.

Best of luck finding out the truth. Must be such a shock!

Not read all the replies. Same happened to me. I was born in the 70s and found out when I was 18! I applied to the court for my adoption records and found out my dad was not my biological dad. I got all my biological dads details but to this day have done nothing & never told my parents I know. I just feel no real want to know any more. Maybe if/when my dad passes I will think about it for curiosity.

I'm Scottish. My brother was born the same year as you.

Having a child while unmarried was still looked down on in my parents lower middle class social circles.

By 1986 when my youngest sibling was born things had relaxed. My mother still disapproved but most other people didn't!

My Mum and I discussed changing attitudes to illegitimacy before she died so I'm pretty sure of the timeline for attitudinal change and agree with those upthread that there was probably a class/ wealth/location based difference too.

I don't know the ins and outs of retrospectively recording a bio father for unmarried couples in the early 1980s so can't help with that but I think it's highly likely your Mum is your bio Mum.

I was adopted by my father in the 80s. Both parents are listed as adoptees, despite my being biologically related to my mum.

I haven't managed to read all the responses but this must be a shock and I hope you get the answers you need.

For what it's worth, I know a woman who had to adopt her own biological child when her new husband (not the biological father) wanted to adopt her child and become their father. Single people were unable to adopt at that time and only couples could, so she is also on the adoption certificate as they adopted as a couple. Perhaps it is something like that. I don't know if a similar route was possible back then when a biological father wasn't on the original birth certificate for some reason.

Take care and there are some organisations out there for late discovery adoptees, if it turns out that's what you are.