Aibu to think my parents are still biological

[Dontknowwhoiamrightnow]

Last week I urgently needed my birth certificate. I couldn't find it, so ordered a copy.
A few days later the post arrives and there is a letter to say that the information I provided for the birth certificate didn't match, but they checked some other files and the certificate is enclosed.
It's an ADOPTION certificate!!! I have an adoption certificate.
I had no idea I had even been adopted!!
Backstory-: I lived with my "mum and dad". I had my mum's maiden name at birth.
My parents told me that my name was changed to my dad's surname when they got married two years after birth.
I was told this was so that we could all have the same name.
This was In the 1980's.
My mum does look like me and my kids, so I think she is my biological mum.
AIBU to think that my parents are my biological parents and they became my adopters, just to change my name OR is it reasonable to think that my dad is not my real dad.
I know, I'm clutching at straws, it seems more than likely he's not my real dad.... How do I make sense of it all? Is there really any chance they are both my bio parents and the adoption was just to make me legitimate?
I'm in bits right now and don't know what to do xxx

When my parents got married, my dad (not biological) wanted to adopt me. Because they were then married, they would’ve had to adopt me as a couple. This was very common in the 60s and 70s- it also happened to my friend and her husband when they got married in the 80s.

That's the bit the Op isn't sure about.

Logically it makes sense her Mum is her bio mother. I think that is doubtful that they married and got through a full adoption process in such a short time. Also Mum has to be mum and Op has newborn photos with mum.

Op possibly stayed with a relative for a couple of years giving the Mum some breathing space and avoiding stigma. Which would explain the lack of photos.

Then mum married dad, most likely the bio father but maybe not.

Op has been given Dads name at that point and it would also have been a way to get Dad parental rights, she was adopted by Mum and Dad.

Why don't you do an ancestry DNA kit?
I think it could just be that your dad and mom weren't married and I'm not 100% but if he wasn't there to register you then they might have just put your mam's name. And your parents changed it later on. Maybe they wanted you to have the same surname as your sister.

Why would your mums name be on the adoption cert if she was your bio mum?

hopefully the birth cert will get you some answers

I'm surprised it happened this way op because usually there an adoption notation on your record with your adoption certificate.

You then have to contact the adoption register to unseal your birth records with your birth certificate.

OP, you sound like you're handling this so well. Your parents are very blessed to have such a loving daughter.

You mustn't feel guilty about searching for information, or even about bringing it up with your parents (even in difficult circumstances). In an ideal world you would have been presented with this information much earlier and in a controlled, well- managed way. When that doesn't happen, it puts people in the difficult situation of trying to find out what they can from other sources.

Really hope future conversations go well for you

Years ago if you wasn’t married when your babies were born then they recommended that the baby took the fathers name rather than the mothers. If the baby was given the mothers name and then the two parents married, the baby would still have the mothers maiden name. This then meant that both the parents had the marital name and the baby had a different surname.
so somewhere along the line the baby would need the surname changing which was often done by way of adoption by the father.
my first baby was born in 1993 and I gave him the fathers name so that when we married we all had the same name. They advised us this at the registry office at the time of registering the baby.
things are more relaxed now a days but back then marriage usually came before the babies and things were a little more difficult to amend.

I agree with this, I'm not sure about dates either x

I think you just need to have a conversation with your parents
.wishing you luck

when my parents got married my mum and dad had to both adopt my half-sister (same mum different dads). It’s a weird process. That was in 1995. Just speak to your parents, that’s the only way you’ll know for sure

Thanks for all your messages, I have found each one so helpful.
Some people have asked how I got the adoption certificate so easily.
All I did was go on the general register office website, typed in all my current details to apply for my BIRTH certificate and a few days later I unexpectedly received an adoption certificate instead, plus the attached letter below.
I've completed the forms they sent me to get more info, so I just got to wait now.
I'm Feeling much more positive now tho :-)

Glad to hear you're feeling better @Dontknowwhoiamrightnow I hope you get some answers soon.

Take care 💐

Similar happened to me @Dontknowwhoiamrightnow, albeit in the 1960's. My Dad wasn't named on my birth certificate and when he and mum married when I was four I was "adopted" by him so that he was named on my new certificate and I took his surname. I always knew this. However, when I applied for my birth certificate when I couldn't find the original, someone at the registry office took the trouble to write a handwritten note which accompanied it, saying they hoped the certificate didn't come as a surprise to me and upset me. I thought that was so thoughtful.

Yes there’s every chance, I had 2 children before I got married, 1990 they had birth cerificates given at birth with both our names on. I then married their dad 5 years later, and we had to reregister them they gave us an adoption certificate said it was for him to take on full parental rights.

Name changing is generally far, far cheaper and faster than adoption. That "reason" for adoption is really not likely at ALL. Now, if your mother is your biological mother, but your father is not, he may well have adopted you to remove and and all question as to whether you have legal status in his life, up to and including inheritance. The only way to know is to ask them, if they are still livings, or to ask a close relative if they are not.

Regardless, your "real" father is the man who loved you, who raised you, who was with you throughout your life.

I'm sure i remember someone saying if you dont give your baby the dads surname at birth he has to adopt the child if they marry. Its a stupid rule thats obviously changed now, personally, i'd still mention to your parents you need a birth certificate for whatever it is, they might happily just explain. I only ever had a short certificate, both parents biological, its just back then money was precious so we had the short free one as it was suitable for most things anyway. let us know how you get on, bless ya x

Sounds like you went through the same as me and had a step parent adoption, where your dad has adopted you but your mum is your biological mum. Was very common in the 80s.

you can apply for your adoption records from the local council. I also did an ancestry dna test to find out who my bio dad is, as my mum has remained very quiet about this and would never talk to me about it.

This is similar to me. My mum is biological and she met my dad when I was around 2. He adopted me when I was old enough to be involved and understand so I think around aged 7.
My birth certificate was replaced but I remember my mum and dad both had to 'adopt' me, otherwise my dad would have held more legal responsibility over me than my biological mum would have done.

Because that's how it works if only one parent is registered on the birth certificate, and then the spouse later adopts the child, you can't have just one parent adopt and the other parent stay the parent. It has to be that the couple adopt.

It's a weird quirk in English law, it's like that for stepparent adoption too. If my DH wanted to adopt DS1 I would have to adopt him too even though I gave birth to him. (Well some people have said it's changed now, I haven't looked at this recently).

@Mamanyt it's not just about a name though, there are also legal reasons to want a child registered as a child "of the marriage" - seems archaic today but maybe 40 years ago it didn't.

I remember reading that it is relevant today if the couple have some children born outside of the marriage and some children born within it. So in that situation e.g. if OP has younger siblings, then it could have been very likely that it would have been strongly advised to them to have OP re-registered as a child of the marriage. Adoption could have been the "legal" way to do that (I'm not familiar with the scenario to say).

Because that’s how it worked then.

Now with a step parent adoption, for example, a step
parent can adopt the child and gain PR and the biological parent they are married to retains their PR and legal link to the child.

Previously when a child was adopted all legal links to the people on the birth certificate was severed. Only the parents named on the adoption certificate were legally the parents with PR and the legal links. The fact that unmarried Mary Smith and married Mary Jones were the same person didn’t matter. When the adoption happened Mary smith no longer had any legal link to the child. So Mary jones had to adopt her otherwise only the adoptive father would have Pr and the legal links.

it was just how it worked.

It doesn’t matter any more, but it used to be that legitimate children had better inheritance rights than illegitimate ones so to keep it equal you should re-register.

You’re still meant to, and technically can be fined the princely sum of £2 if you don’t. But it doesn’t have any impact on inheritance or PR anymore so many don’t bother.

Oh doesn't it? I thought it still did.

Actually inheritance is probably worth checking before DS1 (different dad) turns 18. Or can you sort it with a will? (I will actually ask a lawyer not just go by random MN advice!)

A will always makes things clearer.

Legitimate and illegitimate children are treated equally. The illegitimate child just has to have proof the person was their father, which being named on the birth certificate is accepted as proof (it wasn’t before for inheritance)

Just reread that - If your DS1 has a different Dad and hasn’t been adopted then a will will be necessary @BertieBotts

You don’t have an automatic right of inheritance from a step parent