Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Coaching - not a single thank you

305 replies

Diorama1 · 01/11/2023 10:06

I have been coaching for about 5 years now but this year I took on a role as head coach to an U16 girls football group. The season was 18 weeks long, we had about 40 training sessions, 9 matches. We got to a final at the weekend which unfortunately we lost but was still a great achievement
.
I did 16 hours coaching training to upskill my coaching qualification. I spent many hours planning training, organizing matches, recruiting new players. We got 7 new players this season, no other team in the club has done this.

Our season is over now and I put up a message on the team chat (for parents) to say well done to the all girls, it was great to coach them etc and not a single response did I get. Not a single thank you for your time.

I gave up 2/3 evenings a week, rushing home from work, no dinner and straight to the pitch. I put in a huge effort to ensure the girls were trained well, were fit, skills improved, confidence build as individuals and as a team.

I understand that people who havent coached before dont understand the level of time commitment it takes but they do see the training and matches.

WTF is wrong is people. I dont coach for thanks as I know you dont get it but seriously AIBU in thinking it is just plain rude and entitled.

OP posts:
SweeetFemaleAttitude · 01/11/2023 10:09

I’ve found the same as a scout leader, it’s a general culture shift I think. Not a personal thing.

FlipFlops4Me · 01/11/2023 10:09

I agree wholeheartedly. The girls and their parents all know your role is voluntary - a thank you wouldn't have been too much to ask.

My friend's husband gave up coaching under 10 football simply because of the sheer (and constant) abuse he got from the parents, with not a single word of thanks. The parents were all so surprised when he resigned .......

Lorelaigilmore88 · 01/11/2023 10:09

Yes I think thats pretty rude. A lot of parents are so entitled when it comes to their kids that manners go out of the window.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 01/11/2023 10:11

We don't do these things for the thanks but it still grates when they don't say thank you

Rainbowqueeen · 01/11/2023 10:11

They should all be embarrassed. That’s appalling behaviour.

Can your club send out a reminder to members that all coaches are volunteers without whom there would be no team. I hope that they show you support

And thank you from me. You sound like a dedicated caring coach. You can be proud of that at least.

FrancisFriedFish · 01/11/2023 10:13

So many people never spare a thought for the work of volunteers. Guides/brownies etc, parents just assume that "someone" will do it, just not them. There are a lot of entitled folk around.

Notamum12345577 · 01/11/2023 10:14

You should say you are giving it up. They probably won’t find another coach (as from what I hear most teams struggle to find people willing to give up that amount of time), so they team will close. Then the parents will probably panic and start showing you appreciation, and you could always change your mind and stay 😁

Lorelaigilmore88 · 01/11/2023 10:16

To everyone here who has said they volunteer in anything, THANK YOU! My daughter loves Brownies and my son can't wait to join cubs. They are so many fab organisations for kids and I appreciate you all so much.

caffelattetogo · 01/11/2023 10:16

My friend is a Brown Owl and she says that parents treat her as a childcare provider. Some think it's a business and she gets paid out of their subs, not that she's a volunteer who has to buy her own uniform.

PuttingDownRoots · 01/11/2023 10:17

Another Scout leader... we definitely don't do it for the thanks etc but some acknowledgement would be nice.

Last night we had 7/23 kids attend a session. Only two parents let us know they wouldn't be attending.... we knew some would go TorTing instead... but we had said it was a Halloween party so we have wasted food. It would take seconds to send a message saying they weren't coming.

Whinge · 01/11/2023 10:17

I'm going to say thank you for all your hard work, I bet the girls really appreciated it.

but YANBU OP. Unfortunately it's the same for a lot of volunteers. I once took Brownies on a residential for a weekend, and due to heavy traffic the coach was late back (about 20 minutes later than planned). Not only were there no thank yous, I had complaints from parents that we were late and several parents moaned about how long they had been waiting. Sad

Resilience · 01/11/2023 10:18

Bless you. It's horrible isn't it. I ran a youth group years ago and eventually gave it up because of the huge time commitment accompanied by the lack of appreciation.

I've also been on the other side with my DC attending clubs run by volunteers. I probably wasn't as good as I should have been TBH but I did make a point of trying to thank them regularly and always made sure to arrange or contribute to an end-of-season thank you card and gift.

I hope you can take comfort from the fact that you have/are changing young lives for the better and many of those young people will think of your influence in the future.

nettie434 · 01/11/2023 10:19

I've heard other people say this too. I wonder whether if these parents buy presents for their children's teachers. I bet they do because it's the done thing.

Anyway, I am really impressed at what you've done. You are helping the girls find a sport they enjoy and are good at. Some of them might even end up playing professionally.

Startyabastard · 01/11/2023 10:21

Whinge · 01/11/2023 10:17

I'm going to say thank you for all your hard work, I bet the girls really appreciated it.

but YANBU OP. Unfortunately it's the same for a lot of volunteers. I once took Brownies on a residential for a weekend, and due to heavy traffic the coach was late back (about 20 minutes later than planned). Not only were there no thank yous, I had complaints from parents that we were late and several parents moaned about how long they had been waiting. Sad

That's terrible!!

jesshomeEd · 01/11/2023 10:22

Do they know you are a volunteer?

I know Brownies/Cub leaders are volunteers but wouldn't have known sports coaches were.

watcherintherye · 01/11/2023 10:24

Did the girls themselves say thank you? They’re surely old enough at 15/16 to show some appreciation themselves for your time, as well as the parents. So rude, if not.
I always used to tell my dc to say thank you as they left, to the leaders of their activities. It’s not difficult.

FelicityFlops · 01/11/2023 10:26

People do not have any manners these days, all far too "entitled".
Sadly nobody seems to understand that basic etiquette is the oil that lubricates the wheels of society.

fiorentina · 01/11/2023 10:26

We’ve had the same, DH coaches football, I volunteered with scouts. He got very few thank you’s, I just think people are rude and unappreciative. I thank coaches after every session, they give up hours of their week, and even if they enjoy it, have lots of admin etc to do on top.

I did address one person being rude to me, told him he was rude and I was doing it as a volunteer and he was then apologetic, saying he assumed I ‘worked for them’.

budgiegirl · 01/11/2023 10:27

I know Brownies/Cub leaders are volunteers but wouldn't have known sports coaches were

Some (most?) sports coaches are volunteers, some are paid/are running a business. Either way, they tend to put in many more hours than any payment is worth. It would still be nice to say thank you. People fall over themselves to get a gift for a teacher, and they know they are paid, but for some reason volunteers are often overlooked.

Zebedee999 · 01/11/2023 10:28

What a miserable bunch of parents. I think it's indicative of their own parents and how they were brought up. I was brought up to always use please and thank you. In fact I will go out of my way to thank someone for any good deed no matter how small.
Just be proud of yourself in what you have achieved and accept there are many bad parents out there who in turn will raise equally bad parents.

BarnacleBeasley · 01/11/2023 10:32

I think people ought to say thank you whether you are a volunteer or not. But I also suspect they don't realise or have forgotten that you're a volunteer and just see you as part of the organisation.

I haven't coached but I've volunteered in another capacity for a sports club (for adults) and I found it so annoying at the AGM where members would essentially be approaching their participation as 'what are we getting for our subs?' rather than 'what am I contributing to this club?' They all somehow believed that by paying a small annual fee to keep the club going, they were actually paying for all the training and events they received. So basically, if these parents have paid anything at all for their children to attend, they are just assuming that it covers everything they and their children have received. But even in that case, they should still say thank you!

twattydogshavetwattypeople · 01/11/2023 10:35

jesshomeEd · 01/11/2023 10:22

Do they know you are a volunteer?

I know Brownies/Cub leaders are volunteers but wouldn't have known sports coaches were.

There is never anything wrong with saying 'thank you' even if the person is being paid to provide a service.

GuidingSpirit · 01/11/2023 10:36

YABU and sadly, as a rainbow and brownie leader, like pp above, I've experienced exactly the same. We spent ages organising a brilliant residential last summer (the first one in 3 years due to covid) and the first three email replies were parents moaning about the dates being whilst they were away and how sad their daughters would be and could we change the weekend. They got very short shrift from me and a reply that said coordinating 6 adult volunteer free weekends plus availability of the venue means absolutely not.

Do you have any assistants or parent helpers? What i have done in the past is send a message from me as the main leader saying something like "thank you so much to all the leadership team for giving up their free time for free to do XX. Girlguiding wouldn't happen without our amazing volunteers and we are so grateful to them for their commitment around their own full time jobs and families etc to give the girls these brilliant opportunities". I find it usually gives a bit of a reminder to parents (even though they shouldnt need one!!).

MasterBeth · 01/11/2023 10:37

Good grief. As a group, we always used to get Christmas/end of season gifts for all our coaches when my kids played sports.

Onethingatatime23 · 01/11/2023 10:38

I say thanks to DDs' dance teacher and she does it as a business.

I've had some people being rude when I've volunteered at school - they definitely think you are getting paid.

Though I would say it's quite a place of privilege in a way to be able to volunteer as you aren't spending 24/7 working just to make ends meet, and some people can't imagine doing something voluntarily without getting paid because they do have to spend all the hours working. That said, a simple thank you takes seconds.