Coaching - not a single thank you

[Diorama1]

I have been coaching for about 5 years now but this year I took on a role as head coach to an U16 girls football group. The season was 18 weeks long, we had about 40 training sessions, 9 matches. We got to a final at the weekend which unfortunately we lost but was still a great achievement
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I did 16 hours coaching training to upskill my coaching qualification. I spent many hours planning training, organizing matches, recruiting new players. We got 7 new players this season, no other team in the club has done this.

Our season is over now and I put up a message on the team chat (for parents) to say well done to the all girls, it was great to coach them etc and not a single response did I get. Not a single thank you for your time.

I gave up 2/3 evenings a week, rushing home from work, no dinner and straight to the pitch. I put in a huge effort to ensure the girls were trained well, were fit, skills improved, confidence build as individuals and as a team.

I understand that people who havent coached before dont understand the level of time commitment it takes but they do see the training and matches.

WTF is wrong is people. I dont coach for thanks as I know you dont get it but seriously AIBU in thinking it is just plain rude and entitled.

Sorry forgot the whole point of my post! I have never seen another kid even say thanks. Think it's a cultural shift but not one I particularly like. Feels quite entitled.

My son goes to scouts - I’m always so impressed by the effort the leaders make to give them varied and interesting experiences.

I have to say that everyone is hugely grateful to the volunteers in our group.

I’m really sorry the parents are so rude at your club. I think you’re doing an amazing job!

I'm a beaver leader. Often we need a parent volunteer for ratios in order to actually run the session. We never have any. Even when we started a rota and rotated parents to do 1 hourly session per term they just didn't show up. We've had to cancel sessions because of it and they still don't volunteer.

Yes what an absolute bunch of ungratefuls. Husband coaches a team so I have insight and yup daily it takes up time. This weekend a parent argued and stomped around because he’d driven 5 minutes to the pitch to find out the game was cancelled (it was very last minute due to an absolute hammering down of rain). The away team had driven for 45 minutes and were more understanding. One of the other coaches had gone there the day before to mark the pitches up and had got up super early to check the pitch first thing. And then people like this parent stomp around. Drives me nuts.

however th e majority of our parents are amazing. They do get the coaches pressures t Xmas/ end of season etc which helps.

Anyway yanbu. People have no idea how much time and effort you put into this unless you do it. I hope the girls you coach say thank you and enjoy their football.

I think people who don't do any volunteering themselves have absolutely no idea what goes into it and never give it a minute's thought. So it never occurs to them to say thank you. They probably assume you're getting paid.

I'm a volunteer so I always thank anyone else who is. I know how it works.

Some folk are just takers in life.

(Of course they might be organising a massive thank you collection for you...)

@Diorama1
You are not doing it for thanks: you are doing if for the personal satisfaction that you gain from the task and the position. Compensation comes in many forms.

It would be nice if the players thanked you. It would also be nice if you were to think them for the shared opportunity for both you and them to have had the pleasure of this experience.

I wouldn't have had time to help out at Brownies if there was a parent rota, it was after school time, I was at work and my MIL took DD there.

This is volunteering.

I did one year on the village fete organising committee, weekly meetings, lots of time and stress organising it and working 06.30 - 20.30 on the day and not being able to enjoy it.

All we got as thanks were whinging posts on Facebook about what was wrong with it, things that were missing, ridiculous suggestions to make it better with no offers of help, and even posts mocking us for busy bodies.

Never again, the sense of entitlement, laziness and rudeness was quite upsetting and has made think think differently of where I live. I thought we were a caring community.

Oh my goodness, this is just awful! You are totally reasonable to expect a ''Thank You'' - it's the bare minimum you deserve for giving up your time and efforts.
I have always thanked my children's Cubs leaders, football coaches, swimming teachers etc., profusely. If they didn't do it - who would?
I remember a great football coach some years back who was so encouraging to my son, whereas his previous coach had never let him play and left him standing on the sidelines most games and chose his favourites instead, which was heartbreaking! This new coach was great - so supportive and reassuring and always sent group texts after games, praising our children for their hard work. I remember at the football prize giving - he had to step down due to some family issues and we were the only family to turn up with some beers and a bottle of wine (we knew he drank) as a token of our gratefulness. As we left, my husband remarked that we were the only ones who had brought him a gift. Most people left early and didn't hang around for a chat and to say 'Thank you and cheerio' with the man who had given their children so much.
It seems such a shame to me that the people with good in their hearts - those who regularly give up their time and talents freely, with no expectation of reward - are often overlooked when it comes to thanks. It's one of the first things we are taught and yet the word 'Thank You' seems hard to come by now.
I honestly don't know why?
If it wasn't for the likes of yourselves, there'd be lots of bored children and crime would be even more prevalent than it is now ; so with that in mind, I say ''Thank you Diorama - to you and everyone like you, You're appreciated by many of us '' :)

I blame the grandparents ( I know I'll be flamed for this but hey ho ) for raising such entitled children without manners who don't know the right thing to do and who then can't teach their own children manners.
I was lucky my mother and grandmother would give you the shirt off their backs and were taught good manners whichwas passed on.

I'd be so disappointed too if I were you @Diorama1, to think that not one person, child or adult bothered to say thank you.
Unless of course someone is organising a little whip around to get you something from the team. 🤞

How weird. I do running and outdoor fitness sessions and I thank the coaches every time. The running coaches are volunteers, the people who do the fitness classes are paid, but they all get a thank you and I am by no means the only one who thanks them. They often get a thank you from people on social media afterwards too.

Really stupid question, but I assume the post isn't set to private or something? It seems odd to have no acknowledgment by anyone!

People are notoriously ungrateful, entitled little shits. Well done you for your efforts.

This. 30 kids in the club. The majority have 2 parents. We asked for one parent to help in the group once a week. Term time only. Only about 5 ever turned up. I was there every single session, often straight from work. The others all moaned that it wasn't fair to ask them and they had better things to do.

I blame the grandparents ( I know I'll be flamed for this but hey ho ) for raising such entitled children without manners who don't know the right thing to do and who then can't teach their own children manners

Can we please stop telling off parents for the failings of their children. You can teach your kids what you like - they have free will and they do what they want to do. They are entitled because they just are.

I'm always surprised anyone goes into local politics- all voluntary and the amount of shit they must get. Some of it justified, but a lot of it just whingeing.

you win the prize for sanctimonious MNer of the year day

Oh blimey yes.

For them to allow food waste in this economic climate is particularly appalling!

Like a PP said - it's a sort of culture shift.

To me it's just common courtesy to thank someone - and when my DD was in Brownies, I and most other mothers bought a small gift each Christmas for the volunteers, and gave them a card, just so they knew we appreciated them (they were a lovely bunch, they really were). People just seem very entitled these days.

My Foster Son plays cricket and without coaches and ground staff he couldn't do it. We are hugely grateful and team members each pay £4 at the end of the season to get coaches and groundsman a decent bottle of wine each. Not aot but shows they are appreciated.

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping. Fred Rogers

That worked because there were new people always coming through. However, in many areas of volunteering, I sense there's a growing feeling of, "The helpers are exhausted. And it's not helping people to burn them out and expect fresh ones to take their place when they've seen what happened to the previous ones".

I think Mari slightly has a point. I've always assumed volunteers are doing the role because they enjoy it. That's not to say a thank you wouldn't go amiss.

Even if you did "work for them", there was no need for him to be rude.

Well done for calling him out on it.

I meant one parent out of around 50. So each potential helper was being asked to give up a couple of hours less than once a year.

3 possibilities here

1. They have a thank you planned but not actioned yet.
2. At that age they may be encouraging independence and expecting the girls to thank you.
3. They’re selfish and entitled, as most people are these days

I was a volunteer (experienced and qualified) dog trainer for 14 years. I haven't taught this year as I have a young dog to bring on again myself.

I used to get thanks and gifts (never expected but very appreciated) and generally felt my time and expertise was appreciated. In the last few years this changed and mostly just got people who mucked about and didn't really take things seriously. I haven't missed teaching this year at all so I doubt I'll go back to it certainly not at the moment.

I pay for my own dog to have lessons and ALWAYS thank the trainer at the end of the class, even though it's a business. I also take her to the club I taught with and again, always thank the trainers for their time (volunteers) and will buy them a gift at the end of the year.

My mum held various volunteer positions and was always appreciated. I think things have changed. Yes you do it because you enjoy it and want to give something back to your sport/activity but a thank you is courtesy surely.