Coaching - not a single thank you

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I have been coaching for about 5 years now but this year I took on a role as head coach to an U16 girls football group. The season was 18 weeks long, we had about 40 training sessions, 9 matches. We got to a final at the weekend which unfortunately we lost but was still a great achievement
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I did 16 hours coaching training to upskill my coaching qualification. I spent many hours planning training, organizing matches, recruiting new players. We got 7 new players this season, no other team in the club has done this.

Our season is over now and I put up a message on the team chat (for parents) to say well done to the all girls, it was great to coach them etc and not a single response did I get. Not a single thank you for your time.

I gave up 2/3 evenings a week, rushing home from work, no dinner and straight to the pitch. I put in a huge effort to ensure the girls were trained well, were fit, skills improved, confidence build as individuals and as a team.

I understand that people who havent coached before dont understand the level of time commitment it takes but they do see the training and matches.

WTF is wrong is people. I dont coach for thanks as I know you dont get it but seriously AIBU in thinking it is just plain rude and entitled.

Maybe its a culture of entitlement. definitely a change in society.
I am older but can remember being grateful and thanking the coach.

Are you a paid coach or doing this as a volunteer?

Why should this matter?

Shop assistants, bus drivers, doctors' receptionists etc - they are all paid, but I thank them anyway. I hope that most people do.

Yup. I volunteer with brownies and there's not a word of thanks from any parent. What really gets me though is when they regularly rock up 15 minutes late for pick up with not a word of an apology.
Obviously the volunteers time doesn't matter.

YANBU it’s really rude. My son swims twice a week, I always say thank you at the end of lessons when I collect him and they always get a bit of cash in a card at Christmas with a message thanking them for their hard work, really don’t think it’s too much to ask for. For them it’s their job and they’re paid- think it’s equally (or even more) important to thank someone who is giving up their spare time to help your child without people like yourself these groups would have to close and then the rude parents would face something to say!!

But you have a very specific and difficult position. And if you came and spoke to us and said it would be very difficult for you to volunteer, we'd obviously never expect you to do it. Some of our carers can't. It's going to happen.

But out of the 20 kids that come to our colony, there are 35/40 or so adults who care for them. We're asking for one of those 40, for one hour, in the space of a few months. Not even a specific rota, just 'can someone help on xx date?" These are parents who every week drop off and use that time to go to the shop, have a quick gym session, some sit in the car with a brew and a book, which is fine!

It's when it's taken for granted, like previous posters have mentioned, that it becomes untenable. We're fortunate that we have a large bank of willing and able parent helpers.

I volunteer in a different role (with a much larger pool for potential volunteers) and it's like pulling hens teeth to get anyone to help out. But they're quick enough to complain. It's very disheartening.

im shocked that the parents are so rude. You are 100% right to feel that way. I hope it doesn’t put you off doing what you do x

My daughter always gave her swim instructor, martial arts, dance etc teachers a chocolate Santa /rabbit at Christmas and Easter to say thank you. Even the ones that we paid for and the instructors got paid!… and I always got her to go up and say thank you at the end of each class. I worry for this generation… if parents have no gratitude what on earth are the kids learning apart from to be entitled and rude!

I used to run a Toddler Group. One of the Mums once got grumpy and said "Isn't that what you're paid to do?!"

She was under the misconception, along with most of the group that the Government or similar paid me to run the group, rather than it being something I did for free.

People don't say thank you for things they feel entitled to. Teacher gifts at Secondary Level are very rare. I didn't get thank yous from anyone - not even GCSE students.

I never got a thank you for running Toddlers either.

The "volunteering is a privilege" crowd seem to forget that when we chose to spend our energy and resources on volunteering we are also doing it for the benefit of others. Right now my entire day is taken up in volunteer work for an event tonight. I won't get to enjoy the event with my family, maybe ten minutes if I'm lucky, and I will not get to spend my energy improving my home or myself. I could have kept that energy and time for myself - and a thousand people wouldn't have a great time tonight. So not only are we doing a thing, we are not doing alternatives. The lack of appreciation for that really frosts my cookies.

Dh and I both coach kids teams. It’s pretty relentless - 4-5 sessions a week between us plus all the admin and planning. I think most parents are grateful but just forget to show it due to hectic lives. I got a lovely gift from one team last year which was really unexpected. For my kids sports I’m often the one to organise the collection because otherwise it probably wouldn’t happen!
At my club the volunteers do all get a thank you and maybe a bottle of something at the AGM. It’s important - amateur clubs wouldn’t survive without their armies of volunteers.

That is so rude OP! My DH has been coaching our DS U16s footy team since our DS was 7, he'll turn 16 in December. My DH gives up Thursday nights for training & Sat mornings for more training plus Sunday mornngs for matches. He also works full time & used to work in London, long days, but now wfh. Most parents are appreciative & contribute to end of season gifts etc but I've been on the sidelines watching matches recently & hearing some newer parents slagging off the coaching decisions. My DH will also run the line plus ref at some matches. He's also done 1st aid courses in his spare time. We have one kid whose parent doesn't drive so we're constantly picking him up too (lives 10 min drive away but usually in wrong direction for matches). I think people also don't appreciate the toll it can take on the coaches' family life. I barely see my DH all weekend as obviously he also has his own hobbies on top of coaching & also plays for his own team Sat afternoons and one night during the week. My DH is one of 4 coaches so the load is split at least. They'll organise training sessions then the boys will often drop out at the last minute on flimsy excuses too which is annoying when I've planned our meal & evening around the session that subsequently gets cancelled. People are busy and often don't give much thought to the time & energy that these parents put into their volunteering roles. I also volunteer for different animal charities but at least the dogs i walk & cats I foster are very appreciative 💗💗

@Onethingatatime23 the country would grind to a halt without its volunteering workforce. Not sure how its a privilege to volunteer? Just something we all feel strongly about. My DH works full time hours and still volunteers his time to coach a youth footy team. ie at his desk at 8.45 & finishes (no real lunch break) at 6 ish. Most people don't work every single hour of the day tbh. Plus he'll spend his spare time doing admin for the role. Your comment makes it sound as though proper hard-working folk simply don't have time to volunteer which is a load of tosh imo.

In a similar vein, I am a parish Councillor. We are all volunteers. The amount of accusations of "brown envelopes changing hands" astounds me. It's one thing to be ignored but to be accused of corruption really stinks.

We had one like this following a recent Guide camp - bus was back on time, collection from the same point as pick up had been on a coach. One mum was unbelievably rude to a fellow Guider. She was waiting at the front of the building, pick up was at the back.
I did email the parent and call her out on her rudeness. I am not sure this happens often as we have heard reports that she is similar at school as well - random link to a TA in her class! Sadly daughter is not far different!

Do Scouting and Guiding no longer train people to think of others before themselves, help out, show thanks…generally behave decently etc. Even if the parents aren’t expressing thanks surely the kids ought to be.

I appreciate my time in the Movement was back in the 70s and 80s (and even then I loved reading even older literature about Scouting and and Guiding) so maybe it’s all just very different now. But back then w we’d had care for others and gratitude for what others did for us drilled into us.

We try - but if parents don't do the same, and thank us, there is not a lot of hope. We also spend a lot of time currently dealing with girls with mental health issues, girls who bereaved (three have lost parents in the last four years), etc. etc. etc.
I'm in an area where ALL children buy primary school teachers presents. We are lucky if we get a card. I have a friend who scolds me for saying I don't work - I volunteer, mainly for Guiding (Guides and Rangers) more hours than she works.

I’m sorry that is very rude. My kids have all been taught to say thank you to the coaches and leaders at the end of every sports event, club or activity and party they attend. They are aware that often the coaches etc are giving up their time when they do not have to and appreciate that. Manners are important and cost nothing. People with manners stand out and are the ones who will be remembered. Being taken for granted is demoralising.

Yes thats really rude. I always make a point of thanking all of my kids coaches/unit leaders. Even after every match/guide meeting, I always say "Thanks X, see you next week"
Some people are just entitled and don't understand that you are volunteering to the benefit of their kids!
I think all volunteers are saints!

You are giving people too much credit. We all know how hard these jobs are, that's why so few people want to do them. They should be getting you end of season gifts. I would if you were looking after kids in my family.

It’s interesting the ‘you can afford to volunteer’ comments.
Everywhere I’ve volunteered almost every volunteer is in a lower economic bracket than around 80% or more of the parents. Some volunteer as single mums, to make connections, build up experience and go to something they can have siblings hang out. Some are unable to work full time due to disability or another need. Some are lonely due to circumstances. It’s rarely an affluent crowd volunteering from my experience, but the sporting or scouting activities certainly attract the private school or aspirational families who want their children to have every opportunity and have vehicles or the means to get them to activities. The parents are rarely shift workers, non car owners etc.

Strangely, I have the opposite situation

Everyone assumes I do my job as a volunteer, when actually I’m paid quite well!

I once took kids for 5 nights to France with school. It was exhausting, and the bus journey was so long, but the kids really enjoyed it. We got back a bit later than expected at 2am, and I had to be back in work for 8am. None of the parents thanked staff as they picked the kids up, though I’m sure they were all tired themselves and just wanted to get home, but when we were tidying the bus some stayed back to complain about what the kids had/hadn’t had to eat during the trip or that we’d got back too late and that the kids wouldn’t be in the next day etc. I stopped going on trips after a while because of the hassle they brought and parents assuming it was a lovely free holiday for me, and now my school no longer does trips abroad as they can’t staff it.

I'm shocked at how many of you live around so many mannerless people.

I’m a teacher and take school trips in the holidays every year (unpaid). I have to pay for childcare for my own 2 year old whilst I’m away. Last time, out of 34 kids, only 2 said thank you, and one parent was 90 minutes late to pick up at the airport and didn’t even say thank you, let alone apologise !

I have refused to take a trip this year due to the lack of gratitude from the parents and children.

As a nice opposite...

My Scout group put on a fireworks/bonfire night this weekend.

We not only got lots of thank yous on the night for the work, but we were getting public online thank you before we had even finished clearing up.

This is an event open to the community not just Scouts and the thank you were from both.