Coaching - not a single thank you

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I have been coaching for about 5 years now but this year I took on a role as head coach to an U16 girls football group. The season was 18 weeks long, we had about 40 training sessions, 9 matches. We got to a final at the weekend which unfortunately we lost but was still a great achievement
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I did 16 hours coaching training to upskill my coaching qualification. I spent many hours planning training, organizing matches, recruiting new players. We got 7 new players this season, no other team in the club has done this.

Our season is over now and I put up a message on the team chat (for parents) to say well done to the all girls, it was great to coach them etc and not a single response did I get. Not a single thank you for your time.

I gave up 2/3 evenings a week, rushing home from work, no dinner and straight to the pitch. I put in a huge effort to ensure the girls were trained well, were fit, skills improved, confidence build as individuals and as a team.

I understand that people who havent coached before dont understand the level of time commitment it takes but they do see the training and matches.

WTF is wrong is people. I dont coach for thanks as I know you dont get it but seriously AIBU in thinking it is just plain rude and entitled.

No idea, mine do sports with paid coaches so I wouldn't have known football is different.

I was going to say this.
You probably need to find some way of letting the parents know.
Eg writing an introduction about yourselves - name, photo etc - at the start of each term with “List of Volunteer Coaches” on the top. Post it on the WhatsApp or whatever messaging you use at the start of each term.
Otherwise how will they know?

We thank our coaches regularly - it's a shame your group don't recognise your efforts.

I volunteer in a different sport - and luckily, most are polite and do offer thanks. All the kids are great. But there is a percentage of parents who quite honestly ruin it for everyone. And believe me, if you're one of those parents, we know and remember you, and yes you will miss out on any perks! Last weekend, a parent who is fast becoming known as 'one of those parents' arrived early as I was grabbing a coffee and I said "I'll be with you in two minutes". He responded that I should be putting my customers first, and maybe I should consider arriving earlier if I wanted to laze around beforehand. Like WTF!! Too often parents, knowing full well we are volunteers, treat us like paid help. It's really depressing

Agree - I’m a cub leader and years ago we used to get all sorts of cards and gifts at the end of terms/school years - now we get nothing, not even a thanks (i don’t actually want the gifts, I’d be happy with a verbal thank you)

But there is a percentage of parents who quite honestly ruin it for everyone

So true. As a cub leader, most of the parents are pleasant, polite, and will say thank you after a camp or event. However, we had one (thankfully has moved on now) who would always grumble if we were 5 minutes late back from a hike, or stuck in traffic coming home from an event. He would roll his eyes and mutter 'finally' under his breath. Once he turned up to the wrong place when collecting his child from camp (despite having been given directions on more than one occasion, and all 19 of the other parents managing to be in the correct place at the correct time). This meant he was half an hour late collecting his child, when we leaders were all waiting to go home after an exhausting 48 hours. Instead of apologising, he blamed me for the lack of clear directions, and shouted how disorganised we were. He just grabbed his child and left, not a word of thanks. It left us speechless.

Depressing indeed.

Agree you deserve a Thankyou and I will make sure I thank any of my sons’ future coaches!! It’s a huge commitment and you’ve done a great job. They are very rude! Xo

I'm with you op. Beaver leader here!

Every training and every match I say thank you and remind my child to.. at Christmas we all put some money in and buy a low cost gift.. as the team has varying income parents

I'm sorry, that sounds really gutting. And rude, tbh.

Perhaps as the girls are teenagers, the parents assume they are saying the thank yous? I guess focus on the brilliant role model you are for these players.

What is the general ethos of the club like? eg the management, committee etc?

Is there a facebook group? I ask because DS's sports club is really good at bigging up the coaches, the umpires, the tea-makers etc - there is a supportive ethos and a lot of nice pictures and cheering on on social media eg FB so that you can't help but notice how hard all the adults/volunteers work - and parents often comment on there.

I used to do the admin for a sports team. It was a LOT of work. I would rarely get thanks - maybe 5/60 people would thank me (they tended to be people who also volunteered on the team), 50 would say nothing, and 5 would actively complain or make my job difficult. It did get me down.

I also coach a girls' football team and have been doing so for 3 seasons, so I can relate to a lot of what you said.

This season (different mix of parents), the parents seem nice. We often do get thanks on the WhatsApp group and at the end of a session or a match. It's nice. I really appreciate it.

Last season ... different story. We had some parents attached to girls in a different age group who were often really ungrateful and entitled. This included:

• questioning decisions made during games (as in: calling the coach over and asking why a decision was made)
• criticising results and asking for more training without being willing to step up and help out (this was for young girls, development football, not supposed to be results-driven)
• criticising a coach for allowing children to pause a session to watch their teammates play a game for a few minutes ("I'm not paying for her to watch football; I want her to be playing")
• not collecting children - I had to stay behind once for nearly an hour

I think sometimes people imagine that you are just giving up an hour or two each week. Actually (as the OP and others on this thread will know) I spend a lot of time on admin, contacting other teams, checking availability for matches, finding and paying referees, ordering and collecting kit for new players, keeping up to date with training in my own time (I've attended evening courses after work) ... the list goes on.

This will probably be my last season because I have put Saturday mornings, and the opportunity to do extra training in my own hobby, on hold for long enough now.

YANBU, it's basic manners to say thank you.

About 50 years ago, my mum was a Brown Owl and commented then on how so few people thanked her. Mindful of this, I've always reminded my DD to thank organisers at Brownies, ballet etc.. I remember there was a big open air event coming up for all the Brownie packs in the area and I asked Brown Owl at the end of one of the meetings if she would like any help at the event, just as another adult pair of hands. She looked absolutely stunned and asked, 'from you?' and I said yes, then wondered if this was inappropriate. She then commented that 'no parent has ever offered at this sort of thing before' but was very happy to accept my offer which explained her reaction!

Same when I was a scout leader. It was one of the reasons I stopped volunteering. A parent was really rude to us one day and that was it, I’d had enough.

I ALWAYS thank my ds’s football coaches in person and in the WhatsApp group but I notice I’m often the only one who does.

Notamum - this.
No parents would volunteer to run the Youth Club, never thanked the volunteers. When it had to close because volunteers were fed up with the attitude from parents there was a huge outcry about lack of facilities in the village for older children!

It's not just parents who are unappreciative, it's the sports governing bodies themselves.

I am involved in running and athletics more generally and England Athletics says lots of kind words about officials and coaches, while making their lives as bureaucratic and burdensome as possible.

There seems to be a general lack of appreciation for volunteers.

That’s so crap. I say thanks after every single session to my DS’s coaches. And the boys says thanks. And after every match.

My DS plays rugby & DH coaches, he thanks his coaches after every training , he also thanks refs & other teams coaches on game days.
He also thanks coaches at paid training/camps etc.
I thank them also.

• questioning decisions made during games (as in: calling the coach over and asking why a decision was made)
• criticising results and asking for more training without being willing to step up and help out (this was for young girls, development football, not supposed to be results-driven)
• criticising a coach for allowing children to pause a session to watch their teammates play a game for a few minutes ("I'm not paying for her to watch football; I want her to be playing")
• not collecting children - I had to stay behind once for nearly an hour

Oh god yes to these!! Parents who know better than very experienced coaches as to their childs level of ability. Those moaning that we have a rule that if your child is under 14, a guardian must stay on site. Those that are constantly late picking their child up - though claim they were just sat in their car (due to not leaving rule!). And my favourite - more than one has moaned that we don't runner a summer club for their children!! Apparently that would be really easy for us to do - even though every single adult that volunteers has a full time job on top of their volunteering! One even suggested we take it in turns to use our annual leave to run a summer club!

You have my sympathy OP. This is why I stopped volunteering. The kids were never the problem. And any activity with children involves paperwork and planning outside the session.
Why some parents think £5 a session would be enough to pay a team of volunteers, venue hire, and insurance and other costs is beyond me.
I am old enough to remember when playschemes were run mainly by volunteers. As parents became more entitled, more volunteers dropped out. So now parents mainly have to pay a lot for summer childcare. I think the same will appendix with children's sports clubs over the years. Parents will get a shock at how much they have to pay if staff are paid.

I just wondered why, if you don't do coaching for the thanks, why you are so rattled when you didn't get any thanks? It just seems contradictory.

This is a great thread for parents who have kids at clubs run by volunteers!

This week should all make a resolution to thank these wonderful people for their time and work!

Let's do it people!

The parents should be ashamed of themselves! Not a single response! How soul destroying for you. My DH coached for my ds sport for many years and I know how much goes into it. The clubs that my children have attended have been so good for them. At least one of my children will probably make a career from their sport, I am so grateful to all of their coaches. Thank you for everything that you are doing, you are making such a difference xx

Could you take a break from it all, and offer it up to the other parents?