Lucky or hard working?

[widowtwankywashroom]

Me and my husband are both 50+ we don't have primary aged children and I will preface this by saying we did have very hands on grandparents when our children were younger
We have both worked extremely hard, I am a nurse, so have done my fair share of weekends, nights, late finishes and early starts, my husband is a hard worker ( not physical ) but he puts in the hours and he has been well rewarded
We paid our mortgage off early due to always paying in extra - would forgo a night out to pay and extra £50 etc and me working extra shifts in Covid
Through good planning and using lots of interest free credit card deals we managed to get away 4 times this year and already have 4 holidays booked next year
My mum always says its because I am lucky - I don't think I am - I left school with 2 GCSE and have worked my arse off to get where I am and so has my husband
So is it luck or just hard bloody work
No one has ever said I am lucky doing a 12 hr shift in A&E or ICU on a Sunday
No one has ever said I am lucky going out on a night shift

We made a lot of bloody sacrifices and I got a small bursary which just covered nursery fees

If you'd have worked even harder OP you wouldnt have to work shifts in a relatively low paid job and could be buying holidays without relying on a credit card. Just a thought.

So you got a handout 😉

I'm not relying on a credit card
I book it and pay if off over 3 months interest free. Leaving my savings in the bank.

As did every other student nurse in the country on the diploma at the time.

I actually think I'm well paid for what I do in my current role.

It's both.
Me and dh have both worked reasonably hard and full time whilst raising 3 kids
But
Luck for me
Having a good husband, no need for me to divorce him!
3 healthy kids meant we could both work full time, no need to home educate/ have multiple medical appts.

You seem to not want to acknowledge any help you've been given at all, OP.

Is there a reason for that?

@CantFindTheBeat sorry but I have not been lucky with health. 2x cancer survivor and the last one nearly killed me less than two years ago. That is what made us decide to just live life and screw it to everything else, thus we now live in the dominican republic (our happy place as we came here 3x a year..very cheap in off season.

I’m not sure why you thought to include this in your argument. What’s it meant to be an example of? Putting holidays on credit cards to spread the cost is neither hard work nor luck. It’s just a financial choice that some people prefer and others wouldn’t do.

I find it interesting that people who bought their first house 20 to 25 years ago do not realise how much easier it was to buy a first house then.

People think it all evens out. It really doesn't.

I couldn't afford to buy or rent the house I live in now on the current wage for my job 20 years ago. In fact i could buy a very small flat.
Housing and childcare have increased far ahead of wages.

You were lucky when you bought your first house. You were lucky to have good health and not have to care long term for a family member.

You've worked hard too.

Of course you have benefited from chance and circumstance. Or as you mum calls it luck.

You were fortunate enough to meet a partner and have children. You were fortunate enough to have parents who could help with child care etc. Your DH didn't fuck off with some other woman and dump you with two kids on your own. Your children are not disabled or have additional needs. You didn't find yourself unexpectedly widowed at 37. I could go on.

Yes you have worked hard and made sacrifices. Yes people in similar situations to you haven't made the same sacrifices and don't get to reap the benefits you have. But there are plenty of people who are working just as hard (if not harder) as you are who still are not able to enjoy the same life you do because of circumstances out of their control.

Who says I'm maxing out on credit cards?
I book it, pay it off in 3 months interest free so I can leave savings in the bank

Lucky. No one is successful without a degree of luck, irrespective of how hard they work.

pp have mentioned various ‘lucky’ aspects of your life, I’d say the biggest one is being in your 50s….you were born at the right time when nurses could afford to buy a house. Now unless they live in a very cheap area and /or have parental help/inheritance it’s a pipe dream.

I’ve worked extremely hard and have done very well for myself…….but the wind was blowing in the right direction on so many occasions I’ve lost count.

@momager1

I'm sorry you went through that and hope your have a long life together in what sounds like an idyllic place ❤️

I'm your age and in a similar position. I still work full time though and have a tiny mortgage. But yes, pretty secure and with the disposable income to enjoy life.
I absolutely consider myself lucky.
Lucky to have been able to move into secure employment rather than pay a fortune to get a degree only to find myself on a zero hours contract like so many young people today.
Lucky that working my arse off was enough to save me from redundancy and unemployment when my equally hard working father wasn't so lucky when the mines were closed.
Lucky I was able to buy my first house for £30k, sell it three years later for double that, then make another £100k on my next purchase so I could downside to be almost mortgage free.
Lucky my relationship was stable so I didn't have to forego half of what we'd accrued together due to divorce.
Lucky my health has always been good so I was able to continue to 'work my arse off'.
Perhaps I've a low bar for luck and people would argue these things are the basics. But when I compare myself to other people who have worked just as hard as me, but have so much less, then yes, I do think I'm very lucky, and that you are too.

Yes, quite a few people were lucky.

I don't understand why you're determined you haven't had any luck.

I've worked incredibly hard to be where I am and for the last few years have been doing it on my own after DH died, but I still acknowledge that I've had some good luck that made it all possible.

I met and married DH quite young which meant we were able to but a house at a good time, we stayed together which meant we never had to split everything, we both had stable chlldhoods resulting in a good work ethic, practical skills and common sense and sound MH, we had good health which meant we were able to work hard (until he didn't), we had practical support and advice from competent parents, we had children without significant needs etc etc.

I'm very proud of what I've been able to achieve but refusing to acknowledge there's been some luck along the way is ridiculous.

I wasn't nursing when we bought our house

OP do you think folks working all their lives but haven't done as well just "didn't try hard enough"?

I am like you.

Came to the UK with zero.

Though we raised 2 children with no family help, not that I would have expected it, but they were in another country.

I took the minimum 12 week maternity each time as we had no money.

Now me 58 and himself 60 are mortgage paid and comfortably off.

Husband is retired and I work long ours in a financially rewarding job.

Yes we took the breaks when they came our way.

But it was mostly luck.

Right place right time, had the intelligence to take job opportunities.

But mostly luck.

Do you want us all to praise and applaud your plucky, tenacious, hardworking nature OP?

Is that what this thread is really about?

But why is it luck to stay in a marriage and work hard at it and stay together?

Of course that was lucky that he was able to do a job that meant he could still do the bulk of the childcare saving enormous amounts of money!

Buying a house 25 years ago when prices were comparatively so much cheaper compared to wages is massively lucky though. It’s odd that you won’t recognise that. I suspect it’s that attitude that is frustrating your mum.

Yes please

As did every other student nurse in the country on the diploma at the time.

And you were all lucky that government policy in relation to HE offered bursaries......

I see a lot of people who take take take, never have or ever will work a day in their lives