Should I be contacting the police.

[InstantDestiny]

I am not asking for judgement firstly.

I have name changed but I am a LT poster.

I was dating this guy, it was casual and there were quite a few red flags which I stupidly ignored. He is kind of well known publicly, but has massive delusions of grandeur and very self important and possibly NPD. Not really that important publicly as he thinks he is.

I spent a few weekends at his, we had A LOT of sex, did coke and drank a lot. I paid for all my fuel to get there, took alcohol every time and gave him cash for anything else we got.

The third time I stayed there (by this point I had massive reservations) in the morning he woke up and accused me of attempting to rape him. I remember everything that happened and that did not happen. We had a lot of sex and at the end of the night he was tired and not into it. We went to sleep.

He told me to leave or he was going to call
the police, it was 8am, he was still drinking alcohol, I was worried about driving but wanted to get out of there, so left.

Since then he has sent me voice notes calling me a criminal, a rapist, a monster, an abuser.

He said I hadn’t paid my way, which I had, and that he was going to report me to my place of work (children’s services) and report me to the police because I hadn’t paid him, called me a cunt, not even a human, just really vile stuff.

I sent him more money as I panicked and was really upset and said if I haven’t paid my way I am sorry but he just kept calling me a rapist.

Now I have sent the money he’s gone quiet, but I am so shaken and upset. I don’t know whether to just mark it down to shite judgment on my part and move on or should I call the police as it’s blackmail, and I didn’t do anything untoward to him.

I took the alcohol, he supplied the drugs over 3 separate weekends which I gave him, over the 3 weekends £120, then yday sent him
another £100 as he was getting so abusive and threatening. Drugs are expensive, why do you think people who are addicted steal?

Does he have any proof or footage of you doing this stuff?

No

He sounds unhinged, I would defo be reporting

Has he been in touch since you paid him the last amount ? Hopefully he’s sobered up and reconsidered his position. If he’s a public figure then presumably he won’t want to risk the publicity. If he tries to get more cash from you then I would report it to police…. I’m talking me personally here not saying what you should do. I would rather go and report it than let someone hold something like this over my head.

I'm sorry OP, must be scary.. but if your work involves direct work with children I'd really be questioning your suitability. Yes, everyone can have a private life, but how on earth can you offer objective advice on safeguarding when you can't even safeguard yourself?

You know the more you write about this the worse this guy sounds. He invites you round to his house and you’re polite enough to bring a bottle round (which you don’t even have to do), he then offers you some drugs and then demands you pay for them after the fact?

Normal people just don’t do this, that’s like inviting someone round for dinner then asking them after the fact to pay for the ASDA order for the food. That’s just messed up. I have never heard of anyone ever doing that. I think offering you drugs and then asking for payment makes him a drug dealer to boot.

You said he was known locally for his role in religion? Which religion is he part of? No religion allows people to treat others badly like that. I can’t imagine anyone from my church ever behaving like this.

Just block the twat and move tf on

If a man gets a woman drunk and takes advantage to have sex with her, that's rape. A woman could perfectly do the same thing to a man, also men aren't in total control of their bodily functions so it's possible for a woman to rape a man as well. But the point being there are men who are blackmailed with being falsely reported for rape or are actually reported to the police when they're innocent, and the police arrest them without evidence until they're proven innocent.

It’s not really the kind of thing you’d mention to a close friend is it? Maybe the dates and drugs but then the blackmail etc.

I’m guessing there may be more to this than OP is saying.

I’m a bit staggered by the amount she’s sent him
and why she’d even send him money. It’d be a swift no and block from me.

Apparently she has told people in RL

i wonder what they advised

and no doubt they’re now worried about the op

Oh I must’ve missed that…

If a friend of mine was doing this I’d tell them to get a grip and stop with the drugs before. It honestly really does sound like a car crash waiting to happen before.

I’d be worried more than anything

@InstantDestiny Lots of people have guilty pleasures, like risk taking, quite often those people are in high pressure, responsible positions.

I agree, many people are into risk taking activities and extreme sports, doing coke and having no strings sex with the local coke head vicar sounds like quite an extreme sport, I don’t think there’s much difference between that and bungee jumping, but different strokes for different folks. Problem with coke heads is they’re paranoid, sometimes they’ll get into psychotic episodes , and if you’re in religious circles (possibly married?) you’re going to be very very paranoid. This man has a lot of inner demons, he sounds deranged, a danger to himself and a danger to you by proximity. I understand you’re into extreme sports, but have you thought about cave diving or mountain biking?

I'm not ashamed.
I'm angry that someone involved in drug fueled bad decisions could be responsible for dealing with potentially vulnerable families.
I've accessed children's resources, I'd be disgusted if the person offering me advice couldn't even look after themselves responsibly.

If her provided the drugs and you paid him for them them he's dealing class As (even if he is sharing and it's small scale ) and police take dealing seriously (they areng interested in your taking of them )

So don't give him money. Tell him you will block him , he's dealing drugs to you and you have proof in all the messages. So tell him you are blocking him now. If you hear from him.again you will be taking your evidence of threats and his dealing to the police.

Then just block him. This will be the last you hear. Trust me

Bit shocked that people are of the belief that no one in the whole NHS, schools, police/blue light services, social care ever do anything illicit when off duty with adult company.

Agree OP, naive to the extreme

But you’re morally higher that everyone else.

😉

I am surprised you would come back to this thread to argue why it's such a wide spread thing. Who cares?

Clearly people on this thread do 🤣🤷‍♀️

Yes, yes of course we are morally higher than everyone else 🤣 we can’t work in a caring role and also have a private life.

Police are subject to regular and random drug and alcohol tests .

I worked with a police force once where suspicious white powder was found on the dash board of a police car 🙈🙈🙈. I should also add it was properly investigated and dealt with.

I Don't know why you are trying to justify it. It's clearly bothering you what people think.