Should I be contacting the police.

[InstantDestiny]

I am not asking for judgement firstly.

I have name changed but I am a LT poster.

I was dating this guy, it was casual and there were quite a few red flags which I stupidly ignored. He is kind of well known publicly, but has massive delusions of grandeur and very self important and possibly NPD. Not really that important publicly as he thinks he is.

I spent a few weekends at his, we had A LOT of sex, did coke and drank a lot. I paid for all my fuel to get there, took alcohol every time and gave him cash for anything else we got.

The third time I stayed there (by this point I had massive reservations) in the morning he woke up and accused me of attempting to rape him. I remember everything that happened and that did not happen. We had a lot of sex and at the end of the night he was tired and not into it. We went to sleep.

He told me to leave or he was going to call
the police, it was 8am, he was still drinking alcohol, I was worried about driving but wanted to get out of there, so left.

Since then he has sent me voice notes calling me a criminal, a rapist, a monster, an abuser.

He said I hadn’t paid my way, which I had, and that he was going to report me to my place of work (children’s services) and report me to the police because I hadn’t paid him, called me a cunt, not even a human, just really vile stuff.

I sent him more money as I panicked and was really upset and said if I haven’t paid my way I am sorry but he just kept calling me a rapist.

Now I have sent the money he’s gone quiet, but I am so shaken and upset. I don’t know whether to just mark it down to shite judgment on my part and move on or should I call the police as it’s blackmail, and I didn’t do anything untoward to him.

I’m assuming drug taking is still misconduct

@adviceneeded1990 How? I did some teacher training and there definitely wasn't anything like this. It was about stuff like random videos about feral children, something about a school file going on about how wonderful the school you were placed in was, etc. Lots of lesson plans I CBA spending my evenings doing and left. I don't approve of drugs but there was nothing regarding our private lives.

I don't think there are many professional codes of conduct that bother with that. It's usually about someone's ethics at work.

Local authority designated officer. They investigate when any concerns are raised about professionals by a child or in relation to a person’s suitability to work with children.

I worked as a secondary school teacher in the UK for 38 yrs and I've never heard of anyone being drug tested. (I do recall a scandal where some members of staff got drunk on school premises - more than 30 yrs ago.)

She's already £220 down due to the blackmail.

One of my friends lost her job after a positive random drug test - she worked in customer services! Testing really is quite common here,

While I've never used recreational drugs, and get random tests for booze and drugs - that's not the point of this thread

There is predatory man blackmailing a woman, who has also assaulted her . He clearly thinks he can get away with it . Ego, fame , whatever - he's dangerous. He will have done this before. He plays victim , saying he's been raped by the woman when thats actually technically in law impossible. He uses this to illicit fear and control. And extort money . That's the point .

You need a penis to rape someone

This case is a right fucking mess and some of these comments are horribly wrong. As stated rape is only committed by a person with a penis. The OP cannot have raped this guy but it doesn’t mean she didn’t commit other sexual offences. If he said no and she carried on with sexual contact then she may be guilty of a different offence. The fact that he says rape and it’s not rape is irrelevant. It’s not his job to know what the offence is.
He may well have been raped previously we don’t know - he doesn’t say it was by women. He may have been raped by men. It’s quite common for victims of sexual assault to continue contact with an abuser after an assault or act in a way deemed inappropriate. I’m not saying any of that is true by the way I’m just unpicking what has been said.

The guy appears to be blackmailing the OP but It’s entirely possible to have 2 offences - a sexual assault AND a blackmail ( which is why this is not a straightforward case). On top of that you have a child protection professional and a religious figure using class A drugs/ drinking and shagging. You may as well call the tabloids yourself. I would get this thread deleted for that reason alone.

Where is 'here'?

I know someone who worked as an airline steward. She told stories about airline staff being up all night and taking drugs to stay awake including the pilots! It's one of those things I prefer not to think about before I board a plane.

@Nicole1111 thanks 👍

@porridgeisbae because if you are convicted of a drugs related offence you lose your job? As you should. Would you want someone who behaves like the OP outside of work teaching your children? In Scotland the GTCS standards for registration has a section on integrity and social justice and there have been people struck off for situations involving their personal life, including convictions for possession of drugs, drunk driving, etc.

If Teachers were dismissed for taking coke, there would be an even bigger problem in education than there is now. I know quite a few teachers that take it on the weekends. It’s sadly quite common.

Rape requires a penis. S three soa 2003

Surely not GF?

accused me of attempting to rape him.

Tells you all you need to know.

Get the fuck out.

No it doesn’t make it ok, which is exactly what I was saying.

The only thing I wanted to contribute to this thread is to say that you need not worry about being prosecuted for rape. Even if he were so stupid as to go to the police now and say you raped him, he has absolutely no evidence of this, so he can say what he likes but the police will not do anything whatsoever because it is one person's word against the other. So please do not worry about that. So apart from this I would say that the advice you have been given on this thread is excellent. Do not pay him another penny and block him and to never see him again.

Good Lord.

@adviadviceneeded1990 obviously if someone has a conviction then that's different. No I personally don't think teachers should have wild private lives but it'd rule out quite a few of them probably and that's not how it works. Unless they make a hardcore public tit of themselves maybe.

Oh dear
Hand your phone into police and they can take relevant information from it
When they return block this cocaine fuelled" minor celebrity
Seek legal advice if necessary
Nothing surprises me about the conduct of CS

Aren't you a charmer?

This reply says far more about you than anything or anyone else.

If he contacts you again then spin it around and tell him YOU are going to the police!

Op needs to go to police as she is out of pocket by £220 and he assaulted her

I don't think anyone is reading the thread

I wouldn't really care if a teacher took coke recreationally for sex nights, or went to a rave and did ecstasy, or smoked weed, or whatever, as long as it was now and then. It's irrelevant in my opinion to their teaching and it's their private life. Being actually addicted to the substance and doing it during daily life would be an issue. I just don't care. How can you trust a teacher to teach your children about making good choices when they are making poor ones? Because they have a set thing to teach, they aren't bringing their private life in to it. You can teach something without doing it yourself. I trust my GP to give me advice on weight loss even though she's obese because what she's telling me is true, regardless of whether she looks like she's taking her own medical advice or not.

Any one of my teachers from school could have done coke at a club or for sex, I'd have been none the wiser, would have made no difference to what they actually taught me in school.

how can a teacher stand up and tell children how to assess risk and make good decisions if 3
they are making poor ones?

Because you don't have to take your own advice or follow what you teach in order to know it's the right thing to teach children. I know what a bad decision is, I can teach my child not to make bad decisions, doesn't mean I won't willingly make bad decisions sometimes. Smoking is bad for you, you can teach children that and still smoke cigarettes in private, it doesn't change that smoking is factually a bad decision. As children get older, they begin to understand that actually adults make bad decisions even when they know what the right decision is, that's life.

Illustrates why we train people to enact and protect the law rather than leaving it to the public