To ask ds to leave home after this?

[wrappedalready]

I have 3 boys d.s.1 who is 23 and has moved out in the past but is back home at the moment.
I also have ds2 who is 8 and ds1 who is 6 but ds1 is a bully to the youngest, he allows middle son into his room to play PlayStation and listen to music but won't let the youngest in so he's left crying outside his room.
He is visibly irritated by youngest son for acting like any 6 year old child yet takes the 8 year old out buys him things and younger son is left in tears.
I have called him out and he says he doesn't mind ds2 but not ds1.
The youngest boys get on great when it's just them but when my adult ds is home he singles one out and then we have to deal with tears and tantrums.
I'm thinking about asking him to leave if he won't treat them the same,it really doesn't seem fair that he's bullied by his big brother in his own home at 6.

Oh do fuck off. The child is 6!!!

@wrappedalready you need to stand your ground before your 8 year old starts following in the same behaviour towards his younger brother.

Yes, you're older son is being nasty.

If he can't treat them both equally then he needs to leave.

Yes, it is only a matter of time before your 8-year-old starts behaving like your 23-year-old.

Explain to him that as an ADULT you expect a basic level of decency from him, which involves treating everyone in the house with kindness. Tell him if he doesn’t feel he can do that then he will have to move out. Tell him you’ll review his living situation in a week and you can discuss next steps. He’s then had a fair opportunity to change fully knowing the consequences if he can’t grow up and be a nice human being

He doesn't matter even if he did. He's only 6 years old and your 23-year-old should act like an adult.

Yes, totally agree with this.

I’m not sure what you want me to say, but there is likely a reason the oldest doesn’t want the youngest in his room. I think everyone needs to be objective here.

I can't believe the posters on this thread who are excusing the treatment of the youngest DS. This is the sort of cruelty that causes lifelong damage.

Of course the 8-year-old likes the special treatment but you're 23-year-old is teaching him how to be a nasty bully.

You need to put a stop to this now. OP.

I can't believe some of the replies your son Is a grown arsed man an actual adult and he is treating his little brother terribly but nah its fine if they don't get on ! Of course it isn't right for an adult to bully a small child

The two younger children need each other more. This man baby son should stop with his divide and conquer stuff. Is he jealous? Probably, and that's why he should go.

I know some people on Mumsnet!

They are completely bonkers.

Replace 23 year old brother for sister I bet you would get different replies.

No I think the crazy people on here would still think that it was ok for an adult to bully a 6-year-old!

Son your an adult and at 23 old enough to be a father I expect you to act like an adult and treat everyone fairly including your brother's if you can't do this I'm not prepared to allow x to suffer in his own home and you will need to move out.

Hope he's doing his share of cooking, cleaning and paying.

Anyway I do think you need to have a word with your son and probably ask when he plans to move out.

Why on earth is a 23 year old bullying a six year old like that?

Is there anything that somehow sets the youngest aside? It wouldn't justify it, but it might explain it.

And yes, he can't be allowed to stay if he's going to treat the children like that. What's his problem?

I agree with this.

So does he exclude out of malice or because he finds your 6 year old annoying?

No mum wants their child to be left out. It hurts. I had a similar situation with my brother growing up. He was 18 years older and a lot of damage was done which is such a shame - for him as well as me. Tell your son that his youngest brother will positively despise him in years to come. Has he thought about that? It's worth a try. Although he sounds very immature and not very nice to treat a 6 year old like that so it probably won't help.

This.

I wouldn't be tolerating this and I'm baffled that so many posters are excusing it or suggesting the 6yo should be less annoying

8 and 6 isn't really that much of an age difference either. It might be slightly more understandable (I mean the taking the elder out/letting him play games in his room) if the elder was, say, 9 and the younger, say, 4, although then too I would expect kindness from the adult son towards both children.

He either allows both in or neither. If he takes one out he does something equivalent another time with the other, or he leaves it for both. If he thinks playing favourites and sowing discord between the two younger ones is appropriate, he can rethink that or find somewhere else to live.

Ffs he's SIX.

There aren't three children in this household.

There are two children and an adult.

The adult needs to start behaving like an adult.

Evening if he was an annoying little whatnot, it's despicable for an adult man to treat his little brother in the manner.

What will he do if he ever becomes a father himself, Cavour one child over another?

Boot him out and let him stand in his own two feet. He's 23 and should be in his own home not upsetting family life in yours.