I've spent my holiday fund

[OverratedHoliday]

DH and I have separate finances - always have. Earlier this year I signed up for something that would cost around the same as our annual holiday. I asked DH if he minded me foregoing our holiday for this as I couldn't afford to do both and he agreed.

He is now wanting a holiday and I've said I can't afford it as I've spent my holiday funds on the other cost. He has no benefit from the other cost.

AIBU? I did ask him at the time. Plus he has funds and he could afford to pay for me if he wanted to go that badly.

This is so odd
If he loves you , as his wife, and wants to go on holiday and knows you can't afford it, why would he not just pay for you as a lovely treat .
Seems like a strange arrangement where it's more like house sharing than a married partnership?

I think it’s really sensible to not share finances, as long as there are no kids involved and everything is split 50/50.

Way too many women put themselves in vulnerable positions by having joint accounts.

Just tell him you cannot go and keep repeating it.
He’s probably hoping you’ve got savings.

Tell him to book one for next year when you can afford to go.

It’s equivalent to going on 2 holidays in one year, which very few people can do and so he needs to suck it up and not go with you this year or pay for you but not moan about it.

Just tell him that you previously agreed that you wouldn’t have a holiday this year as you have no funds. If he’s wasn’t to go on holiday he needs go alone, with friends or pay for you to go with him.

Exactly.

Lol at posters not "understanding the concept of separate finances" as if we are stupid. We do. It's your DH who doesnt!
Separate finances means your spouse may not accompany you everywhere.

So, you're married, have totally separate finances, yet he's far more wealthy than you?

H and myself have always pooled. From the minute we met almost. But it's clear from this thread and so many others here that this set up isn't for everyone. And often not advisable. And that's perfectly fine. I find the most worrying aspect of this is the fact the H can't seem to accept 'No'. When it has been dicussed previously.

@SurprisedWithAHorse
Your lack of knowledge about marriage/finance is quite worrying .
Fingers crossed your marriage remains intact and if doesn't you urgently need to educate yourself!!

What's the disparity in savings?

If you had an emergency and didn't have the funds for it but he does, what would happen?

Does he have a much better standard of living than you?

Well you can't afford to go so I'm not sure what he's excepting unless he decides to somehow pay? He can't expect you to if you've had it clear you now can't.

What she spent the money on does not matter at all.

Irrespective of what it is, she told him and gave him the chance to I next and he didn't so he doesn't get to them change his mind months later and insist she goes on holiday with him.

She made it clear she was happy to forgo a holiday this year to pay for whatever it is and he agreed I assume because he already had multiple holidays planned with his friends.

I think each are hoping the other caves first. "Fuck it I'll pay" vs "fuck it I'll put it on a credit card" type of thing.

None of it sounds very loving though.

What a ridiculous comment.

I never had sex or had children with any of my flat mates.

Do your finances how you like, however, just be clear that marriage is a legal contract so you are both entitled to 50% of each other's assets.

It's all very well being 'independent,' however, if he has significantly more income than you and he wants you to join him on expensive hobbies / trips etc then he will have to pay for you. This is totally normal in most marriages.

I disagree with this.

I would be upset if my husband had left himself so short that we couldn't enjoy a family holiday if he had spent the money on a frivolity. If he had spent in on something meaningful, say a private operation to beat NHS waiting times then that would have my full support.

So I can't judge because to me, the thing does matter.

Oh and I'm married and don't have pooled finances.

This isn't a marriage, it's two people pooling some resources to save costs with the benefit of sex (possibly), trust me you have bigger issues than this holiday 💐

But OP has already said she discussed this with her OH before she spent the money and made it clear it would mean her not having that money for holiday.

I don’t think you WBU as you discussed it with him first. If there’s any way of pulling money from other areas/cutting down on other spends as a way to contribute towards the holiday could be an option but I think you’ve been clear with him about your financial situation and if he wants to still go away with you he may have to foot the cost.. or plan in a nice holiday together next year when you have the finances to do so

It's nowhere near as worrying as your lack of literacy. You can stop worrying about me; I can read what I sign.

I'm right, as it does happen. But so many people get married without understanding what marriage actually is: a legal contract that joins money and assets within a legalised relationship. If you don't want to join your money or your assets, marriage isn't for you.

No, but Mumsnet is for discussions and here I am, with an account.

Off on a tangent but we do separate finances and have 3 DC. I much prefer it that way. We earn roughly the same though.

I suppose trouble arises when one party earns or has more than the other. That's usually the woman. Because of the gender wage gap.

I think this is exactly it.

Exactly what I was thinking. I've been married for decades and we have hybrid finances, ie we pool enough to pay all bills and then we each have our own savings and spending money. If one of us was broke but there was something we both wanted to do, the other would pay in full. Because we're a couple.

What does it have to do with the post though?