Page 23 | I've spent my holiday fund

OverratedHoliday · 2023-10-30T12:52:00+00:00

DH and I have separate finances - always have. Earlier this year I signed up for something that would cost around the same as our annual holiday. I asked DH if he minded me foregoing our holiday for this as I couldn't afford to do both and he agreed. He is now wanting a holiday and I've said I can't afford it as I've spent my holiday funds on the other cost. He has no benefit from the other cost. AIBU? I did ask him at the time. Plus he has funds and he could afford to pay for me if he wanted to go that badly.

Chickenkeev · 31/10/2023 13:08

electriclight · 31/10/2023 13:00

I think I'd be a bit upset if dh said he couldn't go on holiday with me because he'd bought an expensive piece of gym equipment that he then never used.

I'd feel as if I'd made a sacrifice too, but for nothing at all.

Whereas I wouldn't feel like that if he paid for a course that boosted his career prospects, or an item he loved and used regularly, or a medical procedure that changed his life.

So I do think the Mystery Purchase matters in terms of whether he's 'allowed' to regret making a sacrifice to support his partner.

But ultimately op has spent the money, doesn't want to go somewhere cheaper, doesn't want to get into debt and doesn't want him to pay for her. So he'll have no choice but to eventually accept that he's holidaying alone next year.

IMO, it's ok to feel upset there. But not to keep going on about it. Again IMO, but it displays a lack of respect for boundaries. And that would make me v nervous tbh.

Original poster

OverratedHoliday · 31/10/2023 13:13

@SouthLondonMum22 agreed. I didn't go on holiday with my flatmates either, or visit their parents, or many many other things I do with my husband - he's nothing like a flat mate.

The Mystery Purchase has almost risen to cult status, it should have it's own thread! It is not particularly frivolous, it definitely doesn't sit unused and unloved, it hasn't saved my life or given me a better quality of life (or anyone else). It is an ordinary 'thing' that cost about the same as our annual holiday £1500 that I am glad every day I bought, but that DH doesn't really care one way or another about. It is mine, not shared.

OP posts:

creativegoblin · 31/10/2023 13:15

Remember to wash your inflatable Keir Starmer doll after every use.

Chickenkeev · 31/10/2023 13:18

OverratedHoliday · 31/10/2023 13:13

@SouthLondonMum22 agreed. I didn't go on holiday with my flatmates either, or visit their parents, or many many other things I do with my husband - he's nothing like a flat mate.

The Mystery Purchase has almost risen to cult status, it should have it's own thread! It is not particularly frivolous, it definitely doesn't sit unused and unloved, it hasn't saved my life or given me a better quality of life (or anyone else). It is an ordinary 'thing' that cost about the same as our annual holiday £1500 that I am glad every day I bought, but that DH doesn't really care one way or another about. It is mine, not shared.

'Mystery Purchase' will get you into Classic at this rate 😂

Chickenkeev · 31/10/2023 13:20

creativegoblin · 31/10/2023 13:15

Remember to wash your inflatable Keir Starmer doll after every use.

Better than inflatable Corbyn 🤣

Delatron · 31/10/2023 13:24

Something that cost £1500 that the OP uses every day but DH doesn’t care about..Hmmm. Is it a thermamix?

Original poster

OverratedHoliday · 31/10/2023 13:27

Ummm inflatable Keir Starmer, he does have something about him, much more attractive than Corbyn!

Just googled Thermamix - much too domestic for me.

It's also not an enormous very expensive dildo!

OP posts:

Chickenkeev · 31/10/2023 13:38

OverratedHoliday · 31/10/2023 13:27

Ummm inflatable Keir Starmer, he does have something about him, much more attractive than Corbyn!

Just googled Thermamix - much too domestic for me.

It's also not an enormous very expensive dildo!

I think we're all going be collectively traumatised by 'Inflatable Corbyn' tonight. My Halloween gift to you 😂

Zonder · 31/10/2023 13:50

Good on you OP for not explaining what the mystery purchase is. I think you're right that it's not relevant here. And it's much more fun guessing. my money is on a gin distillery in a shed at the bottom of the garden

RedPony1 · 31/10/2023 13:51

crumblingschools · 31/10/2023 12:45

@RedPony1 do you or your friends have children? Are you all on similar salaries to your partners, do you all have equal disposable income between the couples?

If you divorce it is possible that your assets/income will be pooled when looking at how they will be divided

They all have children (i dont) but there are varying salary differences, half my female friends are "breadwinners" and around half not/earn same. its always been an open convo with us all.

i have far more disposable income than DP even after paying two thirds of the household bills. But i also have three horses and three vehicles, so after that is deducted too, we have about the same 'fun money' left for our adventures.
If we go on hols, i pay more towards it. we don't 50/50 all spending.
Just because people have seperate finances, doesn't mean they have to be unfair.

We're not talking about divorce though, we're talking here and now, actually being together.

My only friend that pooled her finances realised it was with a controlling man and when they divorced he emptied the account, plus had already been hiding money for years etc. She had nothing. She has sworn she will never share money again too!

Crazycatladyy · 31/10/2023 14:32

As you made him aware that you wouldn't be able to go away this year, I think it's wrong for him to ask.

Can you plan a trip for the next year instead?

My husband and I have seperate finances we both spend without guilt or justification on what we want to. Holidays are a joint decision, we usually put it on a 0% cc and each pay off 50% as quickly as we can.

I earn almost double the amount he does but as we both go on holiday we each pay 50% of the cost.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 31/10/2023 15:19

OverratedHoliday · 31/10/2023 13:13

@SouthLondonMum22 agreed. I didn't go on holiday with my flatmates either, or visit their parents, or many many other things I do with my husband - he's nothing like a flat mate.

The Mystery Purchase has almost risen to cult status, it should have it's own thread! It is not particularly frivolous, it definitely doesn't sit unused and unloved, it hasn't saved my life or given me a better quality of life (or anyone else). It is an ordinary 'thing' that cost about the same as our annual holiday £1500 that I am glad every day I bought, but that DH doesn't really care one way or another about. It is mine, not shared.

Hahaha you should start a sweepstakes and charge £1 to guess and when we gets it gets the money raised.

Kidding of course, ignore the people harping on about disclosing what you both, it's not relevant and you don't have to share.

Chickenkeev · 31/10/2023 15:32

Zonder · 31/10/2023 13:50

Good on you OP for not explaining what the mystery purchase is. I think you're right that it's not relevant here. And it's much more fun guessing. my money is on a gin distillery in a shed at the bottom of the garden

Who wouldn't want that tbf!

jelly79 · 31/10/2023 15:49

Next time just say 'looks great, book it!'

And then look confused when he asks your for a contribution?

widowtwankywashroom · 31/10/2023 16:04

Is it a peleton bike?

widowtwankywashroom · 31/10/2023 16:11

I don't get how married people don't have shared finances, how can one go on holiday and not the other?

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 31/10/2023 16:18

widowtwankywashroom · 31/10/2023 16:11

I don't get how married people don't have shared finances, how can one go on holiday and not the other?

If only numerous people had explained why it works for them on this very thread...

I don't get how grown adults can be so baffled by people doing something different to them.

Chickenkeev · 31/10/2023 16:18

widowtwankywashroom · 31/10/2023 16:11

I don't get how married people don't have shared finances, how can one go on holiday and not the other?

They just both pay the same amount. It's like friends going on hols together. No hassle like. Not for everyone, but works for lots.

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/10/2023 16:40

widowtwankywashroom · 31/10/2023 16:11

I don't get how married people don't have shared finances, how can one go on holiday and not the other?

If you're talking about OP, she didn't want to go and spent the money on something else instead which was her choice and a benefit of having separate finances.

DH and I also have separate finances and if we want to go on holiday together, we both pay half each. It really isn't difficult.

Lentilweaver · 31/10/2023 17:00

Oh god, I am dying to know what the mystery purchase is. Disappointed it is not an inflatable Keir Starmer!

Scalottia · 31/10/2023 17:02

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/10/2023 16:40

If you're talking about OP, she didn't want to go and spent the money on something else instead which was her choice and a benefit of having separate finances.

DH and I also have separate finances and if we want to go on holiday together, we both pay half each. It really isn't difficult.

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'Isn't really that difficult'.

That's assuming both people earn enough to pay for their part of the holiday. What about people who don't work for various reasons? How do they go on holiday?

I agree though, to each their own, however people want to do it. It takes all sorts.

Chickenkeev · 31/10/2023 17:09

Scalottia · 31/10/2023 17:02

'Isn't really that difficult'.

That's assuming both people earn enough to pay for their part of the holiday. What about people who don't work for various reasons? How do they go on holiday?

I agree though, to each their own, however people want to do it. It takes all sorts.

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It can work when you don't earn equally too though. It seems it's all very much a personal thing. I suppose we can never 'see inside' anyone else's relationship.

Lastchancechica · 31/10/2023 17:13

One of the (many) upsides of marriage is pooling resources and feeling secure. I can’t imagine my dh ever wanting to go on holiday much less several without me, I would feel unloved and like I was in a marriage that trapped me in a power imbalance indefinitely. I would walk for sure if he expected me to get into debt to please his holiday whims.

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/10/2023 17:16

Scalottia · 31/10/2023 17:02

'Isn't really that difficult'.

That's assuming both people earn enough to pay for their part of the holiday. What about people who don't work for various reasons? How do they go on holiday?

I agree though, to each their own, however people want to do it. It takes all sorts.

Show quote history

I earn more than DH but not by a considerable amount. If I did earn a considerable amount more then I imagine we would either only go on holidays which DH could afford to pay half of or more likely, I would simply pay a higher share because I'm the higher earner.

People who don't work almost always have shared finances otherwise they would be left with nothing. Neither DH or I would be interested in becoming a SAHP, as an example and it is one of the reasons why we wouldn't be interested.

If one of us had to give up work due to illness or disability then of course we would financially support the other one. Those are very different scenarios.

But as long as both of us are capable of working full time, we will continue with separate finances.

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/10/2023 17:18

Lastchancechica · 31/10/2023 17:13

One of the (many) upsides of marriage is pooling resources and feeling secure. I can’t imagine my dh ever wanting to go on holiday much less several without me, I would feel unloved and like I was in a marriage that trapped me in a power imbalance indefinitely. I would walk for sure if he expected me to get into debt to please his holiday whims.

I feel incredibly secure in my marriage and one of those reasons is because we have separate finances.