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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've spent my holiday fund

772 replies

OverratedHoliday · 30/10/2023 12:52

DH and I have separate finances - always have. Earlier this year I signed up for something that would cost around the same as our annual holiday. I asked DH if he minded me foregoing our holiday for this as I couldn't afford to do both and he agreed.

He is now wanting a holiday and I've said I can't afford it as I've spent my holiday funds on the other cost. He has no benefit from the other cost.

AIBU? I did ask him at the time. Plus he has funds and he could afford to pay for me if he wanted to go that badly.

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 30/10/2023 20:59

Lastchancechica · 30/10/2023 20:55

😂😂 no actual idea of real lives, babies being born, disability…. Literally no idea of reality.

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It's perfectly possible to continue with separate finances when a baby is born. Worked well for us.

Lastchancechica · 30/10/2023 20:59

Ilovelifeverymuch · 30/10/2023 18:38

WTF!!! How did you get here????

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If he can’t find a single holiday out of his parents saving pit for his own WIFE- given he wants her to go then what is the fucking point ??

I have paid for friends to go on holiday, they have paid for me. I don’t recognise this selfish hoarding of assets. It’s certainly not a marriage.

PegasusReturns · 30/10/2023 21:05

@Lastchancechica I have literally no idea what point you’re trying to make 🤷‍♀️

its perfectly possible to have babies and live life whilst knowing that your spouse doesn’t have any entitlement to your money and - more importantly if you’re vulnerable - that you don’t have any entitlement to your spouses.

Orange67 · 30/10/2023 21:23

MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 20:49

I can't imagine ever going on even a weekend 'holiday' away without my DH, let alone longer, and he can't either. When we do go somewhere, like Toulouse a few weeks ago, we split everything 50-50. How can a couple be so distant from each other?

That is not normal.

HamBone · 30/10/2023 21:30

Orange67 · 30/10/2023 21:23

That is not normal.

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I also think your situation is unusual, @MajorBarbara . My DH was on holiday last week without me (not alone, with other people). I’ve been away without him twice this year, it’s not uncommon, I don’t think? Perhaps it is, just not among my friend group. 🤷

MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 21:31

Orange67 · 30/10/2023 21:23

That is not normal.

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Fair enough. We are quite eccentric. We dote on each other. I have gone to my relatives up North for a couple of days, and he goes to visit his sister in Brighton now and then, but separate holidays would feel really weird. Sorry if that offends anyone. We are genuinely very happy.

HamBone · 30/10/2023 21:34

@MajorBarbara Yeah, I wouldn’t say that I dote on DH, he’s been driving me mad today. 😂Still love the annoying sod though.

Delatron · 30/10/2023 21:35

MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 21:31

Fair enough. We are quite eccentric. We dote on each other. I have gone to my relatives up North for a couple of days, and he goes to visit his sister in Brighton now and then, but separate holidays would feel really weird. Sorry if that offends anyone. We are genuinely very happy.

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Sure. But most couples do holiday separately and are perfectly happy and ‘dote’ on each other.

My DH does a few boys trips and likewise I’ll go away with friends. We go together too obviously.

Ididntknowuntiliknew · 30/10/2023 21:38

OP - go out and buy a cake/ chocolate bar/ something edible that he likes.
Ask him if he would like to eat it.
After he's eaten it, ask him approximately 700 times if you can have it.
Then show him some pictures of it.
Give him some examples of different scenarios under which you'd enjoy eating it.

He'll be frustrated by it fairly soon, and you can go about your mysterious lives.

TheGoddessFreyja · 30/10/2023 22:14

What does he say when you tell him you can't afford it?

He sounds pathetically cheap IMO considering he's got a considerable more amount of money than you. Would give me the ick to be married to someone that's such a tight wad 🤮

Chickenkeev · 30/10/2023 22:20

While i agree with PP that he's a cheap cnut, i really do think he doesn't care about your feelings. I'm very uncomfortable with his attitude. Just my opinion.

Quitelikeit · 30/10/2023 22:32

How odd that you save for your 2025 holiday in 2023?!

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 30/10/2023 22:37

Quitelikeit · 30/10/2023 22:32

How odd that you save for your 2025 holiday in 2023?!

What is remotely odd about people saving for a holiday?

Chickenkeev · 30/10/2023 22:42

It's not that he's tight, as much as he won't hear no. That's really not on. That's a non starter imo.

MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 23:04

HamBone · 30/10/2023 21:34

@MajorBarbara Yeah, I wouldn’t say that I dote on DH, he’s been driving me mad today. 😂Still love the annoying sod though.

Why does it seem to offend some people that we are crazily happy with each other (after 30 years!) and, to be frank, prefer each other's company to most other people's? We see eye to eye about just about everything, We love our holidays together, they are the high spots of our year. We can speak French or Spanish to other people than each other. What is so annoying about that?

PegasusReturns · 30/10/2023 23:06

Why does it seem to offend some people that we are crazily happy with each other (after 30 years!)

I don’t think anyone is offended. people have made the point - and I agree - that you can have an amazing relationship without living in each others pockets.

laclochette · 30/10/2023 23:10

@Quitelikeit Seems reasonable to me! Some people want to go on the kind of holidays they can't afford to cover a whole holiday out of just one year's worth of savings...?

I don't, as I like to go away more often and I like cheap enough trips that I can pay for them out of less time saving. But it all depends on a) how expensive your hols are and b) how much income you have, surely.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 30/10/2023 23:32

MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 23:04

Why does it seem to offend some people that we are crazily happy with each other (after 30 years!) and, to be frank, prefer each other's company to most other people's? We see eye to eye about just about everything, We love our holidays together, they are the high spots of our year. We can speak French or Spanish to other people than each other. What is so annoying about that?

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No one is offended by your happiness.
Your implication that anyone who doesn’t do as you do, and goes on a holiday without their spouse, isn’t happy, doesn’t love each others company etc is irritating because it’s rude.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 30/10/2023 23:46

Lastchancechica · 30/10/2023 20:59

If he can’t find a single holiday out of his parents saving pit for his own WIFE- given he wants her to go then what is the fucking point ??

I have paid for friends to go on holiday, they have paid for me. I don’t recognise this selfish hoarding of assets. It’s certainly not a marriage.

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What the hell are you going on about his parents? Because she said he comes from a wealthy family?

Chickenkeev · 30/10/2023 23:49

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BluebellsareBlue · 30/10/2023 23:57

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BluebellsareBlue · 31/10/2023 00:02

You are rude as anything, I agree with the other poster, no matter what your marriage certificate says you are housemates. Find your own solution, decide yourself whether you're BU or not, but don't 'speak' to others that way you hindrance

jannier · 31/10/2023 00:16

Delatron · 30/10/2023 21:35

Sure. But most couples do holiday separately and are perfectly happy and ‘dote’ on each other.

My DH does a few boys trips and likewise I’ll go away with friends. We go together too obviously.

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I wouldn't say most a few in my experience but they all ended up divorced or separated most are still together and holiday together. They spend their working lives apart have separate hobbies etc but their 3 weeks off a year are together maybe it's a rich thing to have separate holidays.

Codlingmoths · 31/10/2023 01:50

This reply has been deleted

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The op reads as calm and polite with clear boundaries. You, on the other hand…

Ilovelifeverymuch · 31/10/2023 02:10

BluebellsareBlue · 31/10/2023 00:02

You are rude as anything, I agree with the other poster, no matter what your marriage certificate says you are housemates. Find your own solution, decide yourself whether you're BU or not, but don't 'speak' to others that way you hindrance

Wtf is going on with this thread lol, how is OP rude? She has told him she doesn't have any money for holidays anymore this year and yet he keeps showing her holidays ignoring the fact she has already spent her holiday fund which he agreed to and somehow she is rude?

Are you upset she refuses to divulge what she spent the money on? That's none of your business and is not relevant. What is relevant is she told him before she spent the money and he was on board and now he has changed his mind. It doesn't matter what she spent the money on, it could be a car, it could be to go to a Michelin star restaurant, it could literally be anything it doesn't matter, what matters so she told him and he was ok with it so he can't then change his mind months later and insist she go on holiday with him.

You really need to take a break from the edibles 😂