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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stingy friend send wrong wrong money

410 replies

Rossannah · 29/10/2023 23:15

I have just been away with a friend for 2 nights. An event plus hotel. Cost for the two altogether was £416. I paid for both on my card and told friend to send £200 for her share. She said she would send this weekend, after the event. This was fine.
We went, had a good time. Whilst there, we spent equally. We drank and ate the same. Sometimes paid by round, sometimes separate for eg in a prepay cafe. I don't feel I spent or took any more than my fair share, friend never moaned.
I reckon I spent around £180 in fuel, no mention of this was made, no arrangement for half to be paid by friend and I would have gone alone and spent the same so I was not bothered about paying for fuel myself.
On the way home we stopped at a garage. I filled up the tank, paid at the pump. Friend went in the petrol station and asked if I wanted anything. I gave her an order from subway which was in there, sandwich and drink and some boiled sweets.
We then got on the way. Nice time had by all.
Tonight, she messaged to say she's sent the money she owed. I check and she's put in £290(£90 too much) I reply to say I've got it but it's not what we agreed, confused face, kisses etc ( I did not expect her to pay for petrol) she then goes off on a rant about how she paid for my subway when she went in the petrol station and I didn't offer her any money for it and I was cheeky to expect her to pay for my food. I realised then she had meant to send £190 but has got it wrong.
I wonder how to approach this error given her rudeness and cheekiness over a bloody tenner! Considering I've spent on petrol.
Should I leave it until she realises let her come crawling? Refund her the £100 or £90 as agreed ? No idea. So shocked at her stinginess

I cannot edit the title, I can see the error, haha ironic

OP posts:
Panaa · 30/10/2023 02:41

Banana1979 · 30/10/2023 02:31

Just to add, she DID mean to send you £290
When you do a bank transfer, it confirms with you at least twice the amount that you are sending
so you are obviously in the wrong here, and it looks like that she gave you more money than supposed to, and you wanted even more . You should be feeling mortified. As I suggested earlier you should call her.

Yes and the first thing I would have done after receiving OPs message would be to check again how much I'd sent so I doubt there was a mistake.

Iris1976 · 30/10/2023 02:52

Yep,keep the money and ditch the friend.

Whatisforthebest · 30/10/2023 04:27

Great example of not being clear with communications and how things are easily misconstrued via text. Context is lost in SMS and emojis don't all mean or "read" the same thing to different people.

There could easily be a similar AIBU with your friend saying

"after a great weekend I have just sent my friend my share which was £200, I was pleased she took the car which saved me the hassle, I worked out that half of the fuel would be about £90, she didn't ask for it but I thought it was right to do it so I sent a total of £290 and I paid for her subway at the petrol station on the way home while she paid for the fuel. Since she has received the money she has sent me a text to say this wasn't what was agreed on and some confused emojis. I thought it was fair to pay half the fuel and I think she is being a bit cheeky asking for more when I paid for her subway".

Then there would a queue of posters* *saying yes it's cheeky asking for more.

Where did you draw the conclusion that she only meant to send £190? Give her a phone tomorrow and speak to her, she's maybe sitting there p'd off that you are chasing her for more when she thinks she's sent you a fair amount and you're sitting here thinking she's moaning about the cost of a subway.

Your initial response to her reads very much to me like you are chasing her for more money, I only know you aren't because of the explanation you have given here.

SocksOfMagic · 30/10/2023 04:51

If you divided the cost accurately and included petrol, how much would it be? I’d square up on this

ABCXYZ17 · 30/10/2023 04:53

£180 on fuel? How much driving did you do? It cost me about £80 to fill the tank up and that gets me about 550 miles so you must have driven a long distance?
If you’ve driven somewhere that is clearly 100s of miles away then she should be paying for half the fuel or have at least offered. Keep the £90 for fuel and send her £10 for the sandwich etc

SocksOfMagic · 30/10/2023 04:53

Surely the passengers alway buy the drivers drinks and snacks on route, they get to rest while the driver has the stress of negotiating the roads for hours

PosterBoy · 30/10/2023 05:03

Is she still a friend? She doesn't sound great.

NoWordForFluffy · 30/10/2023 05:06

Whatisforthebest · 30/10/2023 04:27

Great example of not being clear with communications and how things are easily misconstrued via text. Context is lost in SMS and emojis don't all mean or "read" the same thing to different people.

There could easily be a similar AIBU with your friend saying

"after a great weekend I have just sent my friend my share which was £200, I was pleased she took the car which saved me the hassle, I worked out that half of the fuel would be about £90, she didn't ask for it but I thought it was right to do it so I sent a total of £290 and I paid for her subway at the petrol station on the way home while she paid for the fuel. Since she has received the money she has sent me a text to say this wasn't what was agreed on and some confused emojis. I thought it was fair to pay half the fuel and I think she is being a bit cheeky asking for more when I paid for her subway".

Then there would a queue of posters* *saying yes it's cheeky asking for more.

Where did you draw the conclusion that she only meant to send £190? Give her a phone tomorrow and speak to her, she's maybe sitting there p'd off that you are chasing her for more when she thinks she's sent you a fair amount and you're sitting here thinking she's moaning about the cost of a subway.

Your initial response to her reads very much to me like you are chasing her for more money, I only know you aren't because of the explanation you have given here.

Except the OP didn't ask for more. She queried why £90 extra had been sent. It's a comprehension fail to read that and assume she's asking for more.

PickledPurplePickle · 30/10/2023 05:09

She’s a cheeky cow

How on earth did you spend £180 on fuel in 3 days?

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 30/10/2023 05:30

She's getting nasty about a ten pound sandwich when you presumably did hours of driving? Really.

I'd say

hi I've refunded for the sandwich, sorry genuine error I thought you were offering me food as I was doing so much driving, and as I rounded down your £8 For hotel . You should have told me I was busy filling up the car with fuel, I'd have got it myself my mistake! Great weekend thanks xx then ignore, forever.

Her nicely adding on 100 for fuel doesn't make sense to me if it wasn't discussed. If she gets nasty say well if we re being specific... itemise everything in a list, don't forget the 8pounds and the fuel. What a shame she's spoilt a nice weekend.

happinessischocolate · 30/10/2023 05:34

I think she either caught the wrong button or had it in her head that it was £200, less £10, so only £190 - but then mentally 'merged' the '£200' and the '£90', hence she paid you £290*.

Same, I think she was so intent on deducting the £10 that she's completely cocked up and put £290

If she was adding £90 for petrol then she would have sent £280, plus she would have mentioned it when kicking off about a £10 subway.

Not sure why OP has sent her £10 as that's already been deducted??

Spyral · 30/10/2023 05:36

NoWordForFluffy · 30/10/2023 05:06

Except the OP didn't ask for more. She queried why £90 extra had been sent. It's a comprehension fail to read that and assume she's asking for more.

Show quote history

Except the OP didn't query why £90 extra had been sent. She simply texted back to her friend that the amount that had been sent was 'not what they had agreed'.

What's that about comprehension fail...?!

Spyral · 30/10/2023 05:41

happinessischocolate · 30/10/2023 05:34

I think she either caught the wrong button or had it in her head that it was £200, less £10, so only £190 - but then mentally 'merged' the '£200' and the '£90', hence she paid you £290*.

Same, I think she was so intent on deducting the £10 that she's completely cocked up and put £290

If she was adding £90 for petrol then she would have sent £280, plus she would have mentioned it when kicking off about a £10 subway.

Not sure why OP has sent her £10 as that's already been deducted??

If OP's friend sent £290, how do you work out that the £10 has already been deducted?

Are you saying it should have been £300? And if so, why?

Finetoday · 30/10/2023 05:51

When my friend drives me anywhere, I buy the petrol and her lunch/snacks.
It’s in The Highway Code I think.

NoWordForFluffy · 30/10/2023 05:51

Spyral · 30/10/2023 05:36

Except the OP didn't query why £90 extra had been sent. She simply texted back to her friend that the amount that had been sent was 'not what they had agreed'.

What's that about comprehension fail...?!

Show quote history

She says the agreed amount was £200, but she sent £290. Then OP said the amount received was not the agreed amount (£200) and was confused. The OP didn't ask for more, she queried why it wasn't the agreed amount sent, they are not the same thing!

No comprehension fail on my part!

Summerscoming23 · 30/10/2023 05:59

Sounds like someone who skips their round ! Good reply can't wait for her to notice

Spyral · 30/10/2023 06:00

NoWordForFluffy · 30/10/2023 05:51

She says the agreed amount was £200, but she sent £290. Then OP said the amount received was not the agreed amount (£200) and was confused. The OP didn't ask for more, she queried why it wasn't the agreed amount sent, they are not the same thing!

No comprehension fail on my part!

Show quote history

Lol

"She queried why £90 extra had been sent" is exactly what you said. That didn't happen.

NoWordForFluffy · 30/10/2023 06:03

Spyral · 30/10/2023 06:00

Lol

"She queried why £90 extra had been sent" is exactly what you said. That didn't happen.

Show quote history

Lol indeed.

I was specifically referencing this part in your post: 'I thought it was fair to pay half the fuel and I think she is being a bit cheeky asking for more when I paid for her subway".

Then there would a queue of posters* *saying yes it's cheeky asking for more.'

In your fake post, the person sending the money said the OP was asking for more. She wasn't. She was querying the amount sent, which was £90 more than agreed. So she was querying why too much was sent. She never asked for more.

Autiebibliophile · 30/10/2023 06:10

I'd just say ahh sorry my mistake and leave it at that. You deserve half petrol.

Finetoday · 30/10/2023 06:10

I actually think she meant to send what she sent, and was expecting you to acknowledge it with a ‘thanks for the petrol money’ reply.
Instead you queried it, hence her strop.

Deathwillbebutapause · 30/10/2023 06:13

I would pay her back what she overpaid (£90). Your lunch was already likely covered in the total demanded that you rounded down (depending on how much she paid for sweets, I suppose, at petrol station prices).

You can't in conscience keep the amount she overpaid accidentally just because it appears she's been a bit unpleasant over £10. Ring her and talk it out.

Hollyhead · 30/10/2023 06:13

Off topic but do people really do more than 1000 miles of driving for a weekend event?! You must have spent most the weekend in the car! £180 would be 1400 miles in mine!

treacledan71 · 30/10/2023 06:17

That's so tight. I am going away in a month with a friend and already asked her how much petrol she wants as a distance. Sometimes when we go places she won't take it so we always make sure we get lunch and coffees etc when out.

Fififafa · 30/10/2023 06:25

Well you actually spent £416 and if you were to split it equally she owes you £208, plus £90 for her half of the petrol. She spent £10 on your Subway and paid £290 into your account. If she has the cheek to ask for a refund, send her £2 and explain why. Would love to see the look on her face.

anyolddinosaur · 30/10/2023 06:30

A decent friend would pay half the full cost, not your rounded down amount, and buy you the sandwich and drink because you were driving.

It might have been a misunderstanding and she meant to cover the petrol too. You can text back I didnt ask for petrol money, I thought you had sent me too much. But as you've paid half the petrol of course I've paid for my sandwich. Or just leave it and rethink the friendship.