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Original poster

Stingy friend send wrong wrong money

410 replies

Rossannah · 29/10/2023 23:15

I have just been away with a friend for 2 nights. An event plus hotel. Cost for the two altogether was £416. I paid for both on my card and told friend to send £200 for her share. She said she would send this weekend, after the event. This was fine.
We went, had a good time. Whilst there, we spent equally. We drank and ate the same. Sometimes paid by round, sometimes separate for eg in a prepay cafe. I don't feel I spent or took any more than my fair share, friend never moaned.
I reckon I spent around £180 in fuel, no mention of this was made, no arrangement for half to be paid by friend and I would have gone alone and spent the same so I was not bothered about paying for fuel myself.
On the way home we stopped at a garage. I filled up the tank, paid at the pump. Friend went in the petrol station and asked if I wanted anything. I gave her an order from subway which was in there, sandwich and drink and some boiled sweets.
We then got on the way. Nice time had by all.
Tonight, she messaged to say she's sent the money she owed. I check and she's put in £290(£90 too much) I reply to say I've got it but it's not what we agreed, confused face, kisses etc ( I did not expect her to pay for petrol) she then goes off on a rant about how she paid for my subway when she went in the petrol station and I didn't offer her any money for it and I was cheeky to expect her to pay for my food. I realised then she had meant to send £190 but has got it wrong.
I wonder how to approach this error given her rudeness and cheekiness over a bloody tenner! Considering I've spent on petrol.
Should I leave it until she realises let her come crawling? Refund her the £100 or £90 as agreed ? No idea. So shocked at her stinginess

I cannot edit the title, I can see the error, haha ironic

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 30/10/2023 00:20

Fuck her. When she demands the 90 back, write down everything you spent on her the whole time and say minus that 90, you still owe me £X.

Mariposista · 30/10/2023 00:22

newfriend05 · 29/10/2023 23:22

I would be blocking her and keeping the cars £100 .. karma

Me too.
Maybe she can learn to be nicer and more mature next time.

TooBigForMyBoots · 30/10/2023 00:24

I'd leave it.

BlueEyedPeanut · 30/10/2023 00:30

I agree with the people who think you are misunderstanding. She intentionally sent £290 to cover her share of the event and fuel costs then thought you were complaining about her not giving you more. Hence her comment about you expecting her to pay for your Sub, which obviously annoyed her at the time and has wound her up again now.

Panaa · 30/10/2023 00:31

Tonight, she messaged to say she's sent the money she owed. I check and she's put in £290(£90 too much) I reply to say I've got it but it's not what we agreed, confused face, kisses etc ( I did not expect her to pay for petrol) she then goes off on a rant about how she paid for my subway when she went in the petrol station and I didn't offer her any money for it and I was cheeky to expect her to pay for my food. I realised then she had meant to send £190 but has got it wrong.

Are you sure that she didn't mean to send £290 but that she thought that you were then asking for more?

Frances0911 · 30/10/2023 00:36

If she's so stingy and careful with money, then I'm surprised she made this mistake. Are you sure she didn't intentionally give you the extra for petrol money?

namestevalian · 30/10/2023 00:37

How do you spend 180 in fuel in 2 days ?!

TheSugarcubes · 30/10/2023 00:45

If she asks for any money back I'd send her a tenner for your food but I'd be keeping her half of the petrol money. She is was outraged at you expecting her to pay for your sandwich so she will understand how outrageous it would be for her to expect you to pay for nearly £200 of petrol.

mjf981 · 30/10/2023 00:49

I agree with the poster upthread - this is unlikely a mistake on her part. She likely added 90 quid for the petrol, and took 10 quid off for the sandwich. Don't do or say anything without clarifying this with her first. I'd give her a call.

MamaDollyorJesus · 30/10/2023 00:53

namestevalian · 30/10/2023 00:37

How do you spend 180 in fuel in 2 days ?!

Easy! It costs £85 to fill my tank & I get about 425 miles for that. To visit my family in Kent it's 492 miles from my front door to theirs so I'd be more than 2 full tanks so could easily spend about £200-250 on fuel over a weekend visit.

TheHappyCarrot · 30/10/2023 00:56

How would the friend know how much petrol was though, no mention of the amount was said. I think she accidentally sent too much.

BlueEyedPeanut · 30/10/2023 00:59

TheHappyCarrot · 30/10/2023 00:56

How would the friend know how much petrol was though, no mention of the amount was said. I think she accidentally sent too much.

She will have seen it on the pump.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/10/2023 01:01

Someone so tight that they will kick off over a £10 lunch, whilst cheerfully ignoring the OP saying she didnt have send the exact 50% when it went in her favour, is not going to send petrol money unless asked. I am coming down on the side of it being a mistake.

I am VERY petty so I would have sent back "50% of the total cost was £216, so taking off the cost of the subway, you owe me £6. Thanks for paying your half of the petrol money".

Strawberryjams · 30/10/2023 01:06

HoHoHoliday · 29/10/2023 23:31

"I realised then she had meant to send £190 but has got it wrong."

What makes you think this? Did she say herself that she meant to send £190 but got it wrong or have you assumed?
It looks to me as though you agreed £200 for half of the event/hotel and she's added another £90 for half of the petrol.
You've then complained, and implied that she should pay more, so she has argued back to point out she paid for your subway.
Sounds like a miscommunication to me.
But since she's aid you for her share of everything you should pay her for your subway.

This was my thought she’s read ur reply as questioning her not paying enough rather than ur meaning she had paid too much. She’s then got her back up thinking ffs I gave her extra money, paid for her subway and she still wants more.
I definitely agree a miscommunication but can’t wait to see if I’m wrong!

GrumpyOldCrone · 30/10/2023 01:28

Did she know how much the petrol was? I’d like to think the extra money was for petrol but, given her outburst, it seems unlikely.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 30/10/2023 01:43

The problem with that is OP paid the extra £16. Half of that is £8 so OP actually only owes £2.

Yes, isn't it interesting how OP rounded it down and let her off £8 of her share, but then she quibbles the cost of a sandwich and a coffee?

I think she either caught the wrong button or had it in her head that it was £200, less £10, so only £190 - but then mentally 'merged' the '£200' and the '£90', hence she paid you £290.

If she had genuinely intended to pay her fair share, she would have responded with a "Oh, did I make a mistake? How much do I actually owe you, then? Can you confirm the breakdown and then I'll ping you the extra if I owe you more."

Kicking straight off is definitely the behaviour of somebody with a guilty conscience who knows she's trying to rip you off (even though, ironically, she accidentally failed!) and wants to make you feel too awkward to pursue it.

Incidentally, it is absolutely not OK to refuse to pay your half of the petrol, even if the other person "was going there anyway" - unless it's insisted on by the driver and/or one of you is a poor student or similar kind of wealth imbalance. Nobody would get away with refusing to pay their fare on the bus or train by arguing that "you were going there anyway!" It's not a case of why should she pay her half for what she's had, but rather why shouldn't she? In fact, considering that you've met all the other costs of running the car and done the work of driving it all that distance, her only paying half is still quite a bargain for her.

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/10/2023 01:47

AutumnFroglets · 29/10/2023 23:21

Wait until she asks then match her sandwich outrage with your petrol outrage.

I think I would do this. Spend a little time between now and when she inevitably asks for the money back honing some lovely viperous phrases to throw at her.

And of course - keep the money. Maybe ditch the stingy friend.

AgingDisgracefullyHere · 30/10/2023 01:48

BlueEyedPeanut · 30/10/2023 00:30

I agree with the people who think you are misunderstanding. She intentionally sent £290 to cover her share of the event and fuel costs then thought you were complaining about her not giving you more. Hence her comment about you expecting her to pay for your Sub, which obviously annoyed her at the time and has wound her up again now.

That's what I think, too. She misconstrued your comment about the wrong amount then flew off the handle.

Cakeorchocolate · 30/10/2023 02:07

I would have sent her a msg saying "I didn't mean you hadn't transferred enough / the subway, I meant you sent more than I expected as you've obviously included splitting the fuel which we hadn't discussed but I really appreciate, thank you for that!"

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/10/2023 02:08

I agree that its usually only people who know from the outset that they are trying to pull a fast one that kick off. They think that their faux outrage somehow signals that they are in the right to make you question their questioning of them. Sadly though, it does often work. Gaslighting, plain and simple.

Her reaction was designed to ensure that the OP would say "Oh ok, I'm sorry I must be mistaken" because surely no one would be that cross if they didnt know for certain that they had paid the right amount?

Its like the Cheaters Script. The Grifters Script they all follow and dont realise just how obvious they are making their grifting.

Circumferences · 30/10/2023 02:20

I wonder if she thought you were asking for another tenner too!
Can you call your friend?
Maybe the holiday has left you both exhausted and a bit overwhelmed.....

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 30/10/2023 02:24

That's what I think, too. She misconstrued your comment about the wrong amount then flew off the handle.

Do you not think she would have queried it calmly if she genuinely believed that the had already paid her fair share (and always intended to)?

Compare it with the angry blustering that shoplifters tend to display when they're caught red-handed and stopped by the security guards, as opposed to the typical reaction when an honest shopper is stopped owing to a misunderstanding, knowing that they have a receipt that they can show along with CCTV proof, if necessary. Yes, you may be embarrassed, annoyed and/or assertive; but you don't tend to react by screaming.

Banana1979 · 30/10/2023 02:28

This is childish
Just call her and speak to her about it
you both went and had a lovely time enjoyed each others company . rather than fall out over money just talk to her
sometimes the tone of text messages can be misconstrued

Banana1979 · 30/10/2023 02:31

Just to add, she DID mean to send you £290
When you do a bank transfer, it confirms with you at least twice the amount that you are sending
so you are obviously in the wrong here, and it looks like that she gave you more money than supposed to, and you wanted even more . You should be feeling mortified. As I suggested earlier you should call her.

Cherryana · 30/10/2023 02:36

Money can be tricky especially if you have different attitudes. Eg you seem laid back/big picture eg I’ll pay for this, you pay for that and it’ll work …She sounds like she’s a bit more of a itemised/detailed person. Neither is a wrong attitude but it can cause stress when the two attitudes meet but they don’t discover it until after.

Next time, just go itemised.