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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Stingy friend send wrong wrong money

410 replies

Rossannah · 29/10/2023 23:15

I have just been away with a friend for 2 nights. An event plus hotel. Cost for the two altogether was £416. I paid for both on my card and told friend to send £200 for her share. She said she would send this weekend, after the event. This was fine.
We went, had a good time. Whilst there, we spent equally. We drank and ate the same. Sometimes paid by round, sometimes separate for eg in a prepay cafe. I don't feel I spent or took any more than my fair share, friend never moaned.
I reckon I spent around £180 in fuel, no mention of this was made, no arrangement for half to be paid by friend and I would have gone alone and spent the same so I was not bothered about paying for fuel myself.
On the way home we stopped at a garage. I filled up the tank, paid at the pump. Friend went in the petrol station and asked if I wanted anything. I gave her an order from subway which was in there, sandwich and drink and some boiled sweets.
We then got on the way. Nice time had by all.
Tonight, she messaged to say she's sent the money she owed. I check and she's put in £290(£90 too much) I reply to say I've got it but it's not what we agreed, confused face, kisses etc ( I did not expect her to pay for petrol) she then goes off on a rant about how she paid for my subway when she went in the petrol station and I didn't offer her any money for it and I was cheeky to expect her to pay for my food. I realised then she had meant to send £190 but has got it wrong.
I wonder how to approach this error given her rudeness and cheekiness over a bloody tenner! Considering I've spent on petrol.
Should I leave it until she realises let her come crawling? Refund her the £100 or £90 as agreed ? No idea. So shocked at her stinginess

I cannot edit the title, I can see the error, haha ironic

OP posts:
LadyThatLaunches · 01/11/2023 01:08

Also, if we're going to be petty, she technically owes you £208 if the event was £416, so you've already spent £16 more and let her off.

PrincessFiorimonde · 01/11/2023 01:35

OP, how well do you know your friend? If you've always thought (or suspected) she's 'stingy', then why did you agree to pay the joint costs up front and have her reimburse you later, rather than splitting the costs from the start?

Conversely, if you've known her for years and never previously found her 'stingy', why do you think (after a nice trip away together) she would be trying to be petty over money now?

HolidayHollie · 01/11/2023 07:36

Those saying friend paid £200 plus £90 for petrol how would friend know this as OP says

I reckon I spent around £180 in fuel, no mention of this was made, no arrangement for half to be paid by friend and I would have gone alone and spent the same so I was not bothered about paying for fuel myself.

Also I think you could have been clearer in your reply that she sent too much and not too little 🤔

PS why have you not come back?

fruitstick · 01/11/2023 08:03

Mumsnet users should be required to leave some kind of cash deposit when starting a thread, which they lose if they don't come back and update everyone.

PosterBoy · 01/11/2023 08:11

fruitstick · 01/11/2023 08:03

Mumsnet users should be required to leave some kind of cash deposit when starting a thread, which they lose if they don't come back and update everyone.

I love this idea

MILLYmo0se · 01/11/2023 08:46

fruitstick · 01/11/2023 08:03

Mumsnet users should be required to leave some kind of cash deposit when starting a thread, which they lose if they don't come back and update everyone.

Lol, but I totally agree!

aSpanielintheworks · 01/11/2023 09:03

It's not easy to send £90 in error - I think she's added on £90 for her share of the fuel, especially as she was with you as you filled up. She probably thought she was doing a nice thing, having not being asked and it not being expected.
And then she gets a text to say it's not what you agreed.
You are thinking 'she's paid me too much'
She is thinking 'I've given her fuel money that she didnt ask for and she still thinks it's too little'

Please just ring her.
It's pretty clear to me that's what's happened.

Baba197 · 01/11/2023 09:29

Send her the £10 for the subway and keep the rest- her mistake and she owes you it anyway, even if you’d have gone alone she was there and in the car too so should pay. I had a very stingy friend like this- once stayed at mine for the wkend, I fed and watered her, drove her to another friends bday party etc and on last day she asked if I wanted any choc from the petrol station so I asked her to grab me a flake, when she got back in the car she handed it to me and said “that’s 49p please”….. I was gobsmacked!! She was always last to buy a round, expected everyone to buy her coffees etc. haven’t seen her for a long time now!!

Manadou · 01/11/2023 09:41

@Baba197

I asked her to grab me a flake, when she got back in the car she handed it to me and said “that’s 49p please”

Must be a long time if a Flake was 49p!

Carpediemmakeitcount · 01/11/2023 09:50

sandyhappypeople · 31/10/2023 22:30

I think it’s highly unlikely to make a mistake through online banking, I’m surprised so many people think that’s what’s happened. you have to input the amount and then verify the amount.. there’s normally at least 2-3 steps, it’s much more likely that the friend paid the right amount (which COINCIDENTALLY covers what op has asked for + half the fuel) and thinks the op is asking for more..

im not entirely sure this entire post isn’t fake though tbf, it’s vague & could be taken as confrontational to say ‘that’s not what we agreed’ why not just say, ‘you’ve paid me too much’ like a normal person would?

Op said to friend after she paid that she owed her £200. I have moved more money than I intended to I do my banking on my phone and sometimes I hit a wrong digit that is higher. I mistakenly sent someone £20 once it can happen. Your scenario could be a possibility.

Not everyone is normal some people like to be difficult. If it was me I would of said you paid me too much and transferred it back into her account.

Reasontoreason · 01/11/2023 11:17

I think you both got the wrong end of the stick. She did mean to send £290 and was paying for petrol. But when you asked her the amount, she thought you wanted her to pay more. If you are such good friends, call up and talk to each other properly.

Sandalholidays12 · 01/11/2023 19:27

@Rossannah what actually happened? Did you misunderstand your friend?

coldcallerbaiter · 01/11/2023 19:31

I hate stingy friends, always thought they were pathetic and dropped, such a bad personality trait.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 01/11/2023 20:29

Following. What cheek....want to see how it all pans out!

LadyThatLaunches · 02/11/2023 07:50

Reasontoreason · 01/11/2023 11:17

I think you both got the wrong end of the stick. She did mean to send £290 and was paying for petrol. But when you asked her the amount, she thought you wanted her to pay more. If you are such good friends, call up and talk to each other properly.

This. It's what two blokes would do.

SP85 · 02/11/2023 10:22

I think I'd definitely have to get petty about it if she comes asking for a refund. I'd say OK so £208 for event £90 for half petrol and here's the £2 I owe you for my subway.

CaramelMac · 02/11/2023 13:20

Some people know the price of everything and the value of nothing 🤣

TigerJoy · 02/11/2023 17:49

Oh god I have a friend like this. Not the whinging and ranting, but very scabby.

I always round down or up in her favour, she always rounds down or up in her favour. Just recently she set my teeth on edge of petrol - we'd been away together and everything was done down to the pence. At the end I owed her about £3 and said "oh that will cover petrol". My petrol cost about £160!!!!! I wouldn't have minded if she hadn't mentioned it like she was doing me a favour.

Luckily she is an absolute angel in every other respect.

Decide whether your friend is worth keeping over this - and if you think she is, just accept it's going to cost you £20 here and there.

In this case I'd give her £2 as the difference between the real cost of £208 and your sandwich, and accept the other money as petrol money. And say that if she realises and asks for it back.

Airspice · 02/11/2023 22:56

jesshomeEd · 29/10/2023 23:20

I'd say no problem, £200 for your share of the £416 for event/hotel, plus £90 for your share of fuel - I'll send you £10 for my Subway.

Absolutely this!!

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/11/2023 23:03

So what was her reply

Maybe she meant 290 as in share of petrol and then you query it

Ans she gets stroppy thinking you didn't pay the subway

BurbleBumleBleep · 02/11/2023 23:13

But they agreed £200. So anything over that.. wasn’t agreed. So friend can’t get arsey over any of it.

How would friend know total petrol came to £180? All she would see was what the Op filled up. If she intended to pay why did she not offer at the service station, or at least say she’d pay later? Why did she not say she’d pay for the subway at the petrol station? Cos she’s tight.

teal125 · 03/11/2023 04:36

Any update? Did friend respond

OMGitsnotgood · 03/11/2023 10:03

How would friend know total petrol came to £180?

I am guessing it was mentioned more than once

Rockstarqueen · 03/11/2023 10:25

teal125 · 03/11/2023 04:36

Any update? Did friend respond

I don’t think the poster is coming back to clarify what happened.

Crcicc16 · 03/11/2023 12:19

I very much doubt she accidentally sent you that much in error. Call her if she's a good friend. Probably just miscommunication! X