Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stingy friend send wrong wrong money

410 replies

Rossannah · 29/10/2023 23:15

I have just been away with a friend for 2 nights. An event plus hotel. Cost for the two altogether was £416. I paid for both on my card and told friend to send £200 for her share. She said she would send this weekend, after the event. This was fine.
We went, had a good time. Whilst there, we spent equally. We drank and ate the same. Sometimes paid by round, sometimes separate for eg in a prepay cafe. I don't feel I spent or took any more than my fair share, friend never moaned.
I reckon I spent around £180 in fuel, no mention of this was made, no arrangement for half to be paid by friend and I would have gone alone and spent the same so I was not bothered about paying for fuel myself.
On the way home we stopped at a garage. I filled up the tank, paid at the pump. Friend went in the petrol station and asked if I wanted anything. I gave her an order from subway which was in there, sandwich and drink and some boiled sweets.
We then got on the way. Nice time had by all.
Tonight, she messaged to say she's sent the money she owed. I check and she's put in £290(£90 too much) I reply to say I've got it but it's not what we agreed, confused face, kisses etc ( I did not expect her to pay for petrol) she then goes off on a rant about how she paid for my subway when she went in the petrol station and I didn't offer her any money for it and I was cheeky to expect her to pay for my food. I realised then she had meant to send £190 but has got it wrong.
I wonder how to approach this error given her rudeness and cheekiness over a bloody tenner! Considering I've spent on petrol.
Should I leave it until she realises let her come crawling? Refund her the £100 or £90 as agreed ? No idea. So shocked at her stinginess

I cannot edit the title, I can see the error, haha ironic

OP posts:
Sadandhurt23 · 30/10/2023 15:57

'oh you are funny, that made me laugh. What are you like. PS thanks for paying towards the petrol!'

BlueEyedPeanut · 30/10/2023 15:58

PosterBoy · 30/10/2023 15:53

Ah now we are all mich more Father Ted in my friendship group.

Show quote history

If contactless cards weren't a thing, that would pretty much be me and my best friend too. Instead we battle to see whose card makes contact with the payment machine first. No one assumes they are getting a free ride or a free subway. We always try to pay.

Donkeyseason · 30/10/2023 16:04

I don’t understand all the replies saying the friend deliberately added on the petrol
costs. The friend surely would not have known how much the petrol cost, so could have known she was paying half.

Plus, only a total tight arse would begrudge spending a tenner on a sandwich and drink for someone who booked the weekend away and did all the considerable driving there and back. Most people would want to buy the sandwich and drink as a thank you.

Which means the most likely explanation is that friend is a tight arse who held back a tenner to pay for the subway.

Redpaisley · 30/10/2023 16:06

Rossannah · 29/10/2023 23:15

I have just been away with a friend for 2 nights. An event plus hotel. Cost for the two altogether was £416. I paid for both on my card and told friend to send £200 for her share. She said she would send this weekend, after the event. This was fine.
We went, had a good time. Whilst there, we spent equally. We drank and ate the same. Sometimes paid by round, sometimes separate for eg in a prepay cafe. I don't feel I spent or took any more than my fair share, friend never moaned.
I reckon I spent around £180 in fuel, no mention of this was made, no arrangement for half to be paid by friend and I would have gone alone and spent the same so I was not bothered about paying for fuel myself.
On the way home we stopped at a garage. I filled up the tank, paid at the pump. Friend went in the petrol station and asked if I wanted anything. I gave her an order from subway which was in there, sandwich and drink and some boiled sweets.
We then got on the way. Nice time had by all.
Tonight, she messaged to say she's sent the money she owed. I check and she's put in £290(£90 too much) I reply to say I've got it but it's not what we agreed, confused face, kisses etc ( I did not expect her to pay for petrol) she then goes off on a rant about how she paid for my subway when she went in the petrol station and I didn't offer her any money for it and I was cheeky to expect her to pay for my food. I realised then she had meant to send £190 but has got it wrong.
I wonder how to approach this error given her rudeness and cheekiness over a bloody tenner! Considering I've spent on petrol.
Should I leave it until she realises let her come crawling? Refund her the £100 or £90 as agreed ? No idea. So shocked at her stinginess

I cannot edit the title, I can see the error, haha ironic

You tell her you were not cheeky as you spent 180 on petrol and you never asked her to contribute to this cost and were free driver for journey both ways. Also, the cost of hotel plus even was 208 per person but you asked her for 200 as she paid for subway.

No need to say anything extra as she had nerves to call you cheeky. Also, it's upto you if you want to correct her error bit if you don't, rember you did nothing wrong as she has shown you that she would not even be spend £10 over you, why are you being so generous with such a person. Objectively, 290 is completely fair, none of you spend any money on other. 416 divided by 2 is 208 plus 90 for petrol minus 10 for subway, so she owed you 288, she paid you £2 extra, if you like return her 2.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 30/10/2023 16:10

I really hope the OP comes back and clarifies what the friend's genuine intentions were.

Redpaisley · 30/10/2023 16:15

RomeoandJomeo · 30/10/2023 00:14

This is my thinking too.

Show quote history

You've then complained, and implied that she should pay more, so she has argued back to point out she paid for your subway.

Correction : Op never complained to the friend.

This is what op says -

I reckon I spent around £180 in fuel, no mention of this was made, no arrangement for half to be paid by friend and I would have gone alone and spent the same so I was not bothered about paying for fuel myself.

Stravaig · 30/10/2023 16:21

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 30/10/2023 16:10

I really hope the OP comes back and clarifies what the friend's genuine intentions were.

Not sure that OP can be relied on for an accurate interpretation of events.

Firebug007 · 30/10/2023 16:26

I'd keep it for petrol and not speak to her again 🤷‍♀️

MamaInManolos · 30/10/2023 16:34

Is Rossannah going to update us?!! We are all waiting with baited breath and are invested in the outcome? What did your friend say?!! Let us know 🙈😊

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 30/10/2023 16:47

If I were the friend I'd be thinking 'FFS, I've paid my share plus I've paid for half the petrol when I was told I needn't do and I bought her a bloody sandwich and that isn't enough'

Because the OP hasn't actually thanked her for the overpayment, just assumed it was a mistake.

Do you really think your friend should be grateful if you pay your share of the petrol - and that it's an 'overpayment'? Even if she said you don't need to, surely any reasonable person accepts that you should pay half of your joint travel costs?

Wheresthebeach · 30/10/2023 16:50

Seems odd if the over payment is coincidentally the same as half the petrol.
she really should have been happy to get your sandwich though. Can’t wait for update !

Spareus · 30/10/2023 16:52

jesshomeEd · 29/10/2023 23:20

I'd say no problem, £200 for your share of the £416 for event/hotel, plus £90 for your share of fuel - I'll send you £10 for my Subway.

Absolutely this

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 30/10/2023 16:56

Do you really think your friend should be grateful if you pay your share of the petrol - and that it's an 'overpayment'? Even if she said you don't needto, surely any reasonable person accepts that youshouldpay half of your joint travel costs?

Well I'd expect maybe a thank you for paying as opposed to a 'I've got it but it's not what we agreed, confused face, kisses etc'.

The OP seems to be assuming that her friend has accidently overpaid whereas quite possibly the friend agrees with you that it was only right that she paid half the petrol.

Saz12 · 30/10/2023 17:28

Itemize it for her:
Her share of event £208
Her share of petrol £90
Less the £10 on subway
Less her £290
So she now owes you £8.

sandyhappypeople · 30/10/2023 18:02

I don’t understand this at all..

surely she’s paid you the correct amount including the fuel but with you telling her it’s not right, she now thinks you’re asking for MORE so she’s gone off one?

does she understand that you think she’s overpaid not underpaid? Were you clear?

I’d clarify the issue OP, before you go calling her a CF and binning your friend!

horseyhorsey17 · 30/10/2023 18:03

Does the friend know the petrol cost £180? If so, then she probably deliberately paid half. If not, then she didn't mean to give you the money.

You did all the driving - and it must have been a long way to use so much fuel - that if she wasn't planning on paying half the petrol cost then she really is being tight begrudging you £10 for a Subway.

Redpaisley · 30/10/2023 18:12

Stravaig · 30/10/2023 16:21

Not sure that OP can be relied on for an accurate interpretation of events.

Show quote history

You don't have to rely on OP for anything as in any cas it is not you who created this thread to seek advice / a safe space to rant.

EekGoesTheBaby · 30/10/2023 18:21

I think you're okay either way, OP. If she did mean to send 290 (I don't think she did); you are now even because you reimbursed her for the sandwich. If she didn't mean to send it, you can still claim or as petrol money.

Redpaisley · 30/10/2023 18:22

Panaa · 30/10/2023 00:31

Tonight, she messaged to say she's sent the money she owed. I check and she's put in £290(£90 too much) I reply to say I've got it but it's not what we agreed, confused face, kisses etc ( I did not expect her to pay for petrol) she then goes off on a rant about how she paid for my subway when she went in the petrol station and I didn't offer her any money for it and I was cheeky to expect her to pay for my food. I realised then she had meant to send £190 but has got it wrong.

Are you sure that she didn't mean to send £290 but that she thought that you were then asking for more?

Is it normal to be this reactive even if you misunderstand what your friend meant?? She could have asked what she meant by not agreed. This is a friend she had just had a nice vacation and got along well. Calling her cheeky over a £10 subway meal so quickly shows it was bothering her to some extent.

There are people who are a bit overly worried about taken advantage of. They remember when they spend even a small amount as penny on others but at the same time do not pay much attention when the other person spends on them. Such people are usually quick to react when they perceived they are wronged. OP's friend sounds like one of them.

Diva66 · 30/10/2023 18:47

Overthebow · 29/10/2023 23:18

Wait until she realises then say you thought she had paid you extra to cover her half of the petrol.

Edited

This 🤞

TheBerry · 30/10/2023 19:00

Let us knooooow!

Ladyluck22 · 30/10/2023 19:10

I would wait for her to reply and see what she says. Next time pay for everything individually and discuss fuel money in advance.

Sjh15 · 30/10/2023 19:12

Easy.
you said £180 on petrol. She paid you £90 too much.
you offer her the tenner for your food and say you assume her £90 extra was her half of the petrol x

Kaz7779 · 30/10/2023 19:24

I think if someone had drove the least the other person can do is buy them lunch, I'd be embarrassed not to buy lunch regardless of whether fuel amount is involved

Beeboopaboo · 30/10/2023 19:24

It just sounds like a misunderstanding. Don't deal with it by text, just pick up the phone and tell her you thought she sent too much, not too little. It sounds as if she added half the cost of the fuel to the £200 you originally asked for, and if so that means she's not being stingy.