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Original poster

Husband won’t call grandchild by his name

582 replies

Blyther · 29/10/2023 22:18

our grandchild (5 months) has an unusual name. It’s a made up name which is a bit ‘out there’- think along the lines of ‘starry-Skye’ or ‘misty-bridge’. Our daughter in law is a bit whacky.

It’s of course entirely up to the parents to choose the name of their child but my husband won’t even say his name as it makes him cringe so much. He refers to the baby as ‘the little one’ or will call him by his middle name.

It’s now become apparent to the parents how he refuses to use his name and it’s causing an atmosphere. I just don’t know what to say to them as I completely understand his point and feel very sorry about the potential bullying he (the baby) is likely to encounter further down the road.

Advice on moving forward please.

OP posts:
Bumblebeestiltskin · 31/10/2023 10:43

Blyther · 29/10/2023 22:45

He’s not

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He sounds like a truly horrible person then. Your poor son.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 31/10/2023 11:18

usernamealreadytaken · 30/10/2023 08:45

Are you magic? Can you really just repeat away neurodivergence? God, I wish I had known you when my son was little, you could have been the magic cure.

FFS, OP has already said her DH is neurodivergent, and all you "helpful" people telling him to just get over it, would you say the same to a five year old - there's very little difference. 🙄

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Feels a little offensive to suggest that neurodivergent adults have no more self control than a five year old.

SeamsLegit · 31/10/2023 11:20

Omg I NEED to know now!!!!!!

usernamealreadytaken · 31/10/2023 12:32

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 31/10/2023 11:18

Feels a little offensive to suggest that neurodivergent adults have no more self control than a five year old.

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I can't account for your feelings. I can say from experience that whether you are five or fifty, if someone tells you to "get over it" and you're not capable of getting over it, you are not the person at fault.

Snowdayplease · 31/10/2023 12:36

Maybe he should say it every day (privately) like a kind of affirmation, until it loses its humour-making properties?
He wouldn't need to use it for the baby all the time, just enough that they don't notice he is avoiding saying it...

LoisWilkersonslastnerve · 31/10/2023 12:53

Wondering if its Arsene Lupin after the TV show 🤔

TangerineNeonLight · 31/10/2023 12:59

I was a teacher (secondary) for a long time and never once knew a kid be bullied for their name. Kids with unusual names were just as likely to be popular and well-liked as John or Sam were to be victims. It's not so simple an equation as that. And increasingly more and more children in a classroom will have an unconventional or unfamiliar name anyway. It doesn't mark them out as a target.

A grown man who can't stop sniggering at a name sounds truly pathetic though. He'll have to grow up and get used to it.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 31/10/2023 13:50

usernamealreadytaken · 31/10/2023 12:32

I can't account for your feelings. I can say from experience that whether you are five or fifty, if someone tells you to "get over it" and you're not capable of getting over it, you are not the person at fault.

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It just feels like you are trying to suggest that the husband is not at fault for laughing at his grandsons name.

I'm autistic but I am capable of knowing that it's rude to laugh at someone's name or refuse to call them by it. I think some people have horrible names, but I know that it's not my place to comment to them about it. I suppose my four year old does as well, so maybe your comment was a bit offensive to the neurodiverse and to five year olds.

usernamealreadytaken · 31/10/2023 14:42

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 31/10/2023 13:50

It just feels like you are trying to suggest that the husband is not at fault for laughing at his grandsons name.

I'm autistic but I am capable of knowing that it's rude to laugh at someone's name or refuse to call them by it. I think some people have horrible names, but I know that it's not my place to comment to them about it. I suppose my four year old does as well, so maybe your comment was a bit offensive to the neurodiverse and to five year olds.

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As I said, I can't account for your feelings, or those of your four year old. ND is not one humongous lump in which everyone feels and acts the same. Would you assume that just because you feel a certain way, everyone with a similar eye/skin/hair colour would feel the same? Perhaps your assumption that any ND individual who finds it difficult to "get over it" is being offensive, IS offensive, to anyone of any age.

housethatbuiltme · 31/10/2023 15:37

TangerineNeonLight · 31/10/2023 12:59

I was a teacher (secondary) for a long time and never once knew a kid be bullied for their name. Kids with unusual names were just as likely to be popular and well-liked as John or Sam were to be victims. It's not so simple an equation as that. And increasingly more and more children in a classroom will have an unconventional or unfamiliar name anyway. It doesn't mark them out as a target.

A grown man who can't stop sniggering at a name sounds truly pathetic though. He'll have to grow up and get used to it.

My best friend is called Stephanie ONLY answers to Steph because she was bullied for the 'fanny' sound in her name (which is something I never even noticed was there until she told me about the bullying).

That said I have a strange name and really odd nickname and its about the only thing I WASN'T bullied for... probably because I owned it well and there wasn't really a way to bully it because it just was my name that I happily wore.

Kids do get bullied for their name, usually its by altering a name to something similar (Like turning Jake into Cake for a chubby kid) or by a name thats painfully ironic (like a clumsy kid called Grace). Kids can be really creative.

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 31/10/2023 15:49

My gran (dad's mum) refused to call my sister by her name and always referred to her as "Baby insert surname" both my parents thought she was silly and paid it no attention. She even wrote it on birthday cards etc. My sisters name is very common.

TangerineNeonLight · 31/10/2023 16:15

housethatbuiltme · 31/10/2023 15:37

My best friend is called Stephanie ONLY answers to Steph because she was bullied for the 'fanny' sound in her name (which is something I never even noticed was there until she told me about the bullying).

That said I have a strange name and really odd nickname and its about the only thing I WASN'T bullied for... probably because I owned it well and there wasn't really a way to bully it because it just was my name that I happily wore.

Kids do get bullied for their name, usually its by altering a name to something similar (Like turning Jake into Cake for a chubby kid) or by a name thats painfully ironic (like a clumsy kid called Grace). Kids can be really creative.

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Yes you're right - kids do get bullied for their names but not necessarily a 'unique' name as you point out. That was what I meant, but my post was phrased very poorly! So a cruel kid can turn a very ordinary name like Jake or Stephanie into a taunt but leave Misty River alone (or torment her for something different). Sorry for your experiences.

zingally · 31/10/2023 17:19

Just tell him to use the name and grow up.

Usually, the kids with the stupid names generally have a nickname pretty quickly.

mynameisbiggles · 31/10/2023 17:53

I don't blame him! Our expected first grandchild (a boy) is going to be called something we both can't bear (its not 'Bear' but equally as stupid).
What Millenials don't seem to grasp is that your Name will single you out and identify the social structure from whence you came and will be forever stuck.
Think Wayne, Darren, Tracey and Karen! QED

Mumof3confused · 31/10/2023 17:58

What is he hoping to achieve by not calling the child by his name? Is it Voldemort?

Dillydollydingdong · 31/10/2023 18:14

It's probably Dickie-Beau. My dgs has such an "out there" name that even his mum won't use it. I and his half brother call him something else so he's got 3 names

GrandmaSusie · 31/10/2023 18:20

I wouldn't worry or cause more concern about this. Just let your husband go about quietly calling him by his middle name or a nickname. If that bothers the baby's parents, your husband could just temporary not say any name when they're around. He could use pronouns like he, his or him.
It's honestly not a big deal. Lots of people called me by my middle name when I was a child and it never bothered me or anyone else.

Ohhoho · 31/10/2023 18:22

stupid names are fashionable. he'll be in a class of kids with stupid names. no one will take any notice. I'm sure that Ethel when it was fashionable in early last century when anglo saxon names were the rage, got laughed at...then ethel became the most old fashioned boring name you could think of...its weird.
the fashion for being named after someone from the bible or the royal family is just not where it's at!

Jaxhog · 31/10/2023 18:23

Hmm. A friend of DH is a Mr Cocking. His parents named him John Thomas. Guess what his nickname was

Iamnotabat · 31/10/2023 18:24

It's obviously the parents' choice as to how they should name their child but it's also up to you how you address him in my opinion!!!

PlimplePlop · 31/10/2023 18:26

Is it Button-Moon

Lovemusic82 · 31/10/2023 18:26

He needs to respect that the name was chosen by them and not him, it’s tough if I he doesn’t like the name but he should still use it. Eventually he will get used to saying it, he’s just being a bit of a tw#t about it.

As for the child getting bullied, I don’t think that’s true, kids do get bullied but not just for having a odd name, loads of kids have odd names now so it’s probably not an issue. My dc have the most awful surname and no one’s ever used it to bully them.

Retiredfromearlyyears · 31/10/2023 18:26

This is ridiculous. Grandad is a grown man. He either uses your grandsons name(regardless of how he feels) or he makes himself scares while your son and family visit. If he persists in this silliness,things will come to a head. You need to do a bit of straight talking to your husband,or prepare for you daughter in law to say,enough! No more visits! Then he won't need to worry about not saying the "little ones" name because he just won't have contact at all.

Bertiesmum3 · 31/10/2023 18:30

Surname Bates, first name Master!

LizM66 · 31/10/2023 18:34

Agree with family a name they can call your husband......gloves off🤣