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Original poster

Husband won’t call grandchild by his name

582 replies

Blyther · 29/10/2023 22:18

our grandchild (5 months) has an unusual name. It’s a made up name which is a bit ‘out there’- think along the lines of ‘starry-Skye’ or ‘misty-bridge’. Our daughter in law is a bit whacky.

It’s of course entirely up to the parents to choose the name of their child but my husband won’t even say his name as it makes him cringe so much. He refers to the baby as ‘the little one’ or will call him by his middle name.

It’s now become apparent to the parents how he refuses to use his name and it’s causing an atmosphere. I just don’t know what to say to them as I completely understand his point and feel very sorry about the potential bullying he (the baby) is likely to encounter further down the road.

Advice on moving forward please.

OP posts:
ScartlettSole · 30/10/2023 20:42

I can see his point, people can try and be polite but if a names bloody stupid, its hard to pretend otherwise. I have a standing joke with my oldest that if she names her kids Kitten or Bangle or gives them a normal name like Kortknee or Mykell then shes disowned and written out the will 😂😂

ScartlettSole · 30/10/2023 20:52

LuluBlakey1 · 29/10/2023 23:08

My grandad called both of his grandsons 'Sonna' and me 'Pet'. 😁We all just answered to it.

'Or 'Where's my little lad/lass' as he gave us a cuddle.

Edited
Show quote history

My dad always called me wee skud (no idea why!) and my papa his dumpling.
I cant say i call any of mine by their names, the oldest is Pidge because she loved lady and the tramp. The boy is wee fella or champ and our youngest is fawn. They arent even remotely like their actual names!
My mum calls them big darling, darling and wee darling 😂

Someoneonlyyouknow · 30/10/2023 21:04

LulooLemon · 29/10/2023 23:41

Not Teddy Bear. If it's shortened, it sounds like a rude word. Kunte-Kinte is q possibility. It maybe:

Louis-Ocean (Loo)

Arsenal-Aardvark (Arse)

Button-Jenson (Butt)

Dickie-Beau (Dick)

Peace-River (Piss)

Farquhar-Frog (Farq)

Virtually any of these could be shortened to one or other name without sounding 'rude' though so the grandparents are being difficult unless the wacky mum has gone for Dicky-Willy. And even then there's the option of Will.

WishIwasElsa · 30/10/2023 21:27

What happens when the poor child is old enough to realise that his grandparent won't use their name! Shame on him not to just get himself together and get over it. It might not be your choice but that is just it. It isn't your choice it's your son and daughter in laws.

Luckyducky10 · 30/10/2023 21:59

My dad said I was ridiculous for calling my son Leroy and he wouldn’t be calling him that, instead he called him Leon for about a year, my little boy soon grew into his name and then he just stopped calling him Leon

WimbyAce · 30/10/2023 22:21

Sidebeforeself · 29/10/2023 22:44

Shortened version sounds like a rude word? Is it Cunty-Star? If so don’t worry..there’s six of them in DDs class.

🤣

WimbyAce · 30/10/2023 22:24

Can we have the 1st letters as a clue?

KissyMissy · 30/10/2023 22:30

Igloolou · 30/10/2023 06:34

You seem as unpleasant as your husband. Let’s not use ND as an excuse for a grown man to not be able to call a child by its name.
if the child’s name is Peace, nobody is going to think you’re calling it piss.
And the fact you accuse the mother of basically being abusive to your own DS screams a lot to me.
You need to grow up or you’ll end up sad and miserable with no contact with a lovely grandchild.

Spot on 👏

Montegufoni2017 · 30/10/2023 22:47

Gosh, how do you possibly move forward with this…
Tell DH to stop being ignorant and refer to his grandchild by his name!
or
Let him remain selfish and see the respect quickly dwindle from your DS and DIL’s eyes.
Lead by example and ensure you are not avoiding baby’s name either.
Unless he is called Hitler, DH seriously needs to get over it and quickly.

KissyMissy · 30/10/2023 22:49

thebabessavedme · 30/10/2023 09:23

My dgs has an 'out there' name, it suits him, We love him more than words can say and I would walk over hot coals to make sure we keep the wonderful relationship we have with him, ND or not, I would never have put up with my dh not using the name, laughing at it and being a nasty bully. BTW, Todays classrooms are so full of 'out there' and foreign names that the kids just accept them without question. Your dh is being old fashioned, a bully and a nasty twat. Remind him of his attitude in the years to come when he complains that 'dgs never comes to see us'

👏

Desperatenow1 · 30/10/2023 22:55

Im utterly bemused by this thread and now pretty certain the majority of posters are parents of children with “unique” names.

Honestly in what reality is button moon, shaggy bear, peace lilly or whatever else ridiculous wording for a poor child’s name is now acceptable and sniggering about it is bullying.

Children are innocent but they also know when something is off, this child will be ridiculed at school because all the kids know it’s name is “off” and laughable and they’ll do what innocent children do and they’ll laugh. The parents will spend years at the school accusing all the kids of bullying yaddah yaddah blah blah blah

In days gone by the elders would step in and advise the younger generations and their wisdom would be heeded, but now it seems we’ve all got to dance a tune to the most ridiculous for fear of retribution and “bullying”

I suspect mum was on a wave of hormones and emotion when naming starry sky shagger, and in todays woke society we’ve all got to go along with it rather than amusingly telling her she’s gone a bit left field.

monsteramunch · 30/10/2023 23:01

Desperatenow1 · 30/10/2023 22:55

Im utterly bemused by this thread and now pretty certain the majority of posters are parents of children with “unique” names.

Honestly in what reality is button moon, shaggy bear, peace lilly or whatever else ridiculous wording for a poor child’s name is now acceptable and sniggering about it is bullying.

Children are innocent but they also know when something is off, this child will be ridiculed at school because all the kids know it’s name is “off” and laughable and they’ll do what innocent children do and they’ll laugh. The parents will spend years at the school accusing all the kids of bullying yaddah yaddah blah blah blah

In days gone by the elders would step in and advise the younger generations and their wisdom would be heeded, but now it seems we’ve all got to dance a tune to the most ridiculous for fear of retribution and “bullying”

I suspect mum was on a wave of hormones and emotion when naming starry sky shagger, and in todays woke society we’ve all got to go along with it rather than amusingly telling her she’s gone a bit left field.

But the parents aren't going to change the child's name.

So what benefit is there to the child in this case for their grandparent to refuse to use their name?

How does it benefit the child?

Mirabai · 30/10/2023 23:16

There’s no way I’d call anyone Starry-Skye or suchlike so I’d just create a diminutive like Star-ski and pretend the baby is a hamster.

Autumnleaves89 · 30/10/2023 23:25

@Desperatenow1 you’ll be disappointment to hear my kids are called pretty mundane, traditional names (both in the top ten U.K. baby names that year). I still think the OP’s husband is a bit of a nob and her glaring dislike of her daughter in law is colouring her opinion.
I also maintain that she won’t reveal the name as she knows full well it isn’t as bad as she’s making it out to be.

maratara · 31/10/2023 00:41

Conet star
STormi rick
Bear County
Pebbly rick

I need to know!

PetsAreBetter · 31/10/2023 02:41

Autumnleaves89 · 30/10/2023 23:25

@Desperatenow1 you’ll be disappointment to hear my kids are called pretty mundane, traditional names (both in the top ten U.K. baby names that year). I still think the OP’s husband is a bit of a nob and her glaring dislike of her daughter in law is colouring her opinion.
I also maintain that she won’t reveal the name as she knows full well it isn’t as bad as she’s making it out to be.

Me too. Very classic names. If my child calls theirs Peace Rainbow Clouds or something, that's their choice.

It's so good that a generation finally realised they didn't have to make themselves less happy by letting their parents make decisions for their adult selves. Sometimes I think grandparents who didn't speak up for their own wants for their family and sacrificed what they really wanted because of some unwritten rule just want us to acquiesce because they had to suffer, so should we.

PloddingAlong21 · 31/10/2023 07:25

OP your husband sounds awful!! Sorry you have to put up with someone who has such an attitude. Has he always been a bit of a bully? That must be tough to be with someone so judgemental and nasty as to laugh, literally, at other people. He can dislike it, roll his eyes, but suck it ip, it isn’t his child.

Also you sound like you really dislike your DIL?

You both need to get over this because your son has chosen his partner, they have a child they jointly named, and soon you’ll both be removed from their lives if you continue to disrespect them the way you are - you aren’t number 1 to them OP, their child is. That child’s feelings will come before yours and your husband who laughs in his face because he has a silly name.

Bellyblueboy · 31/10/2023 08:58

Mirabai · 30/10/2023 23:16

There’s no way I’d call anyone Starry-Skye or suchlike so I’d just create a diminutive like Star-ski and pretend the baby is a hamster.

you wouldn’t have the manners to call someone by their given name of they requested it?

what happens when peace-river goes to work and introduces himself as peace-river? Would you say no, dear that just won’t do. I come from a generation that has no tolerance for such nonsense. I shall calm you pete. I would indulge your hippy parents I. This way.

don’t you see that is breathtakingly arrogant and rude?

Rufusroo · 31/10/2023 09:34

Call him by his given name. He may even get to tolerate it in time and then gradually bit by bit change it into a pet name - one that only grandad uses

caringcarer · 31/10/2023 10:05

Just make sure you use the baby's name. Let your DH sort it out with your son and DiL himself. He has the problem you don't. I'd keep out of it.

housethatbuiltme · 31/10/2023 10:09

ScartlettSole · 30/10/2023 20:42

I can see his point, people can try and be polite but if a names bloody stupid, its hard to pretend otherwise. I have a standing joke with my oldest that if she names her kids Kitten or Bangle or gives them a normal name like Kortknee or Mykell then shes disowned and written out the will 😂😂

My mam was for some reason convinced I would pick a stupid name like Kandy-Bimbo etc... (based off what I called my dolls as a tiny child).

She visibly looked relieved when my oldest child got a standard top 30 name. My youngest has a much rarer name but she seemed impressed that I honored our family's culture.

ScartlettSole · 31/10/2023 10:15

housethatbuiltme · 31/10/2023 10:09

My mam was for some reason convinced I would pick a stupid name like Kandy-Bimbo etc... (based off what I called my dolls as a tiny child).

She visibly looked relieved when my oldest child got a standard top 30 name. My youngest has a much rarer name but she seemed impressed that I honored our family's culture.

Show quote history

My youngest has dolls called Oreo, Pans and Shim. I hope thats not future grandchildren names 😂

HairyBanana · 31/10/2023 10:33

If you met an adult who you thought had a stupid name, you'd still call them by their name, because anything else would be rude and disrespectful. You surpress laughter, get over yourself, and be kind and polite. Your grandchild is a person and that is their name. Tell you husband to use it or take his lack of respect out of the child's life, because the poor kid will grow old enough to pick up on it one day. He has as much ownership of the child's name as he has of a stranger's name, but unlike with a stranger, he has an opportunity to have the honour of being a loving grandparent. Why would he want to risk that?

Prelapsarianhag · 31/10/2023 10:33

I feel sorry for this poor child with such uncaring grandparents. By all means keep enabling your DH to be the first bully the child about his name, but the consequence will be no relationship with your son and grandson.