Too late to have first child?

[ImWally6]

Im 38, 39 in Feb.

Started trying for a baby the middle of August (periods still not synced after removal of coil, had one real period.)

Not pregnant yet (weekly tests) and I'm now panicking that I have left it too late to have our first baby (only want one baby)

Have I?

This. DH and I were trying for about a year before I worked out exactly when I was ovulating and I got pregnant that same month.

I’m pregnant with my first at 38, conceived the old fashioned way. I had all the tests done etc as I was worried, and it took nearly a year, but got the eventually. Don’t forget to get your DP tested too. All my levels were normal but his were low.

Definitely not. Just be patient. Clearblue digital ovulation kit was great for us - I peed on a stick everyday and it told me where I was in my cycle, when I was ovulating. If you don’t want to track, just have sex every other day. Good luck! X

Can I politely ask that you stop saying this?

Firstly, there isn't really any solid evidence that stress makes you less fertile. Women get pregnant in abusive relationships and war zones all the time. Stress doesn't cause infertility. Infertility does cause stress though!

Secondly, you can be as relaxed as you damn well like but if you aren't ovulating or you are having sex on the wrong days or your partner has no sperm it won't make a damn bit of difference. Ovulation tests tell you that your body is producing high amounts of the hormone LH, which means you have a high likelihood of ovulating in the next few days. Taking your temperature in the mornings confirms that you have ovulated and gives you a fairly precise window of time in which to expect your period. If you are doing these things and not getting positive ovulation tests or higher temperatures in the second half of your cycle, it's entirely possible that you are not ovulating. And if that's the case then seeing a gynaecologist is much more likely to result in you getting pregnant than having a cocktail and relaxing.

Just because you know someone who struggled for ages to conceive and then finally conceived on holiday does not mean that relaxing is what got her pregnant. It was still having sex just before ovulation that got her pregnant.

It may not be your intention, but telling women to relax comes across like you are blaming women for their fertility problems. Oh no, maybe if you been more relaxed you wouldn't have got another negative test result this month. Or perhaps if you'd been more relaxed you wouldn't have had a miscarriage. You lost your baby because you weren't relaxed enough! That might not be your intention but that is very much how it can come across to the women you say these things to. So please stop.

For a lot people, tracking ovulation is a very reliable way of getting pregnant, especially if you want to conceive quickly. We conceived after 3 months tracking ovulation and hadn’t for a year when we were just randomly having sex. It wasn’t always romantic and it became a bit of a chore but I am pregnant. It’s just biology that you need to be doing it at the right time and that might only be 3 or 5 days in the cycle - if you have long cycles you could be waiting a while for your next try!

I recommend you buy a big box of cheap ovulation tests like easy@home and take one each day, this will help you recognise the signs of ovulating, there are physical signs as well but you might not know me what they are at first. When I was ttc I felt like this was empowering me to be ‘doing something’ proactive as well.

The reason you’re not getting a period is presumably because you’ve come off contraception, was it the pill? Have you had a period since your withdrawal bleed (the one right after you stop taking the pill)? It took my period a few months to return and a year for it to settle into a cycle so be prepared for this - in my opinion it makes the ovulation tracking more important - there’s a great book called ‘the impatient woman’s guide to getting pregnant’ that I found helpful.

If you have the money I would consider booking in at a private clinic to get some tests done. The NHS should investigate if you don’t conceive within 6 months at your age, but it will probably take a while for a referral, and all that time your clock is still ticking. A private clinic will give you results much faster and then if you need help you can get the ball rolling.

Congratulations but its misleading to me infer that the book resulted in the pregnancy after only one month!

It wasn’t the reason.

I think whether this is true or not depends on the man's sperm count. If his sperm count is on the low side then having days off might be a good idea. And of course nobody knows what their partner's sperm count is unless he gets tested.

I get pregnant very very easily but had recurrent miscarriages. Anecdotally, one of the only months I tried to get pregnant and didn't was when we had sex 10 days in a row in the run up to ovulation because I ovulated later than expected. I think there was probably just no sperm left by the time I finally ovulated.

Every other day is optimal.

It may or may not be too late for you personally. A friend recently had her first baby at 42, conceived in the conventional way. Plenty of people have babies in their late 30s/40s, even though it’s not the case for everyone who tries.

A dd had hers at 38, 39 and nearly 43.

🤞you’ll manage it soon.

I was 39, conceived naturally and without a period between stopping conratception (the combi pill) and becoming pregnant 3 days later.

Everyone is different, but I dont think its too late for you. for me personally i put my own cut off date of 40 years old due to also having a low egg count.

No. I had 1 at 34 and 2 at 39.

Thanks for the biology lesson but it wasn’t needed.

My post originated from personal not anecdotal experience - along with the experience of many of those around me in a high stress work environment.

fertility check at the dr… fine ☑️
sperm count check at the dr… good ☑️

Temping and OPKs every damn day for a few months … forget it ❎

Sex every 2-3 days, 5-14 days before your period.
Also expect to wait up to a year.

The majority of women ovulate and ovulate regularly.

Personal experience is anecdotal experience.

You have absolutely no idea how stressed any one person is compared to any other person or what impact their stress levels had or did not have on their fertility.

Saying that stress affects fertility is upsetting for women suffering from infertility and it just isn't backed up by any credible evidence at all.

And it's not actually that usual for it to take a year to conceive provided you are definitely having sex in the 48 hours or so before you ovulate every cycle. That's what tracking your cycle helps you to do.

With all due respect there is a link with the body’s ability to get pregnant and stress - but for older women. Stress makes most pre-existing fertility conditions worse and high stress may force the body to skip ovulation. This is why fertility consultants do tell you to try and minimise stress in your daily routine - by eating well, exercising, and talking to a counsellor.

Women in warzones tend to be young when they give birth and in some places (eg Palestine) are likely to have all their kids by 30. But pof / early menopause is also common there as it is in India too. For young women stress isn’t a problem.

@JustAMinutePleass Well my consultant told me this is a myth, that there is no evidence that stress affects fertility at all, and that the only link between fertility and stress is that telling women with fertility problems to relax just makes them more stressed (which doesn't make them less fertile, it just makes the situation more stressful).

Stop testing. You’ll stress yourself out and be devastated if your period arrives.

Your body needs time to get used to ending contraception. Give it some time and make an appointment with the GP in a few months. Don’t overthink. Very rare to get pregnant within a few months!

It might be rare to get pregnant within a few months if you are using the "just relax and don't track your ovulation" method. But if you know when you're ovulating and you know you've had sex one or two days before ovulation each time, you have a much higher chance of getting pregnant in the first few months, and you know exactly when to expect your period, which helps take some of the guess work out of the situation and actually alleviates some of the stress.

The Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant is very good on this topic.

That ties to what I read recently that 33% of over 37s would struggle and may never have a baby.

Sorry to be depressing.
Op the official advice is to seek help if you have been trying for 6mths after the age of 35.
If you are planning on using NHS services I'd lie and say you've been trying 9 mths now (assuming you weren't on the pill).

If you can afford to go private I'd hold off a couple of months and go to your local clinic.

That's not really what those charts say and those percentages are pretty unreliable anyway.

@MargotBamborough
How would you interpret the chart then?

Age 37-39 67.3% will conceive after 12months.

What happens to the other 33.6%?

I'd interpret it as some of that 33.6% will conceive naturally in months 12-24 some will conceive with help, clomid, iui, ivf, some will never conceive.

Exactly. While the odds may be in your favour some people always have to fall in the crap didn't work percentage.
The people who knew I was trying all told me it would definitely happen. That I wasn't too old. So many people have babies in their 40s now. Then it was them saying that IVF will definitely work because their work colleague had IVF and it worked for them. And look at "insert celebrity" who had a baby at 48! You've got loads of time! Oh and that I was more fertile after a miscarriage so I'd definitely get pregnant soon after that. It's all just people trying to make you feel better and basing their opinion on their own experiences. But unfortunately for some people it will take years to conceive and some will never conceive.
The fact is you'll never know if you've left it too late until it either works or it doesn't work. After 38 time isn't on your side even if you have fertility treatment. It will work for the majority. But not all.

Not too late at all!!
My brother and SIL became first time parents last year at 43 and 44. Are now actively trying for baby number 2.

Good luck!!

Do you know how these percentages are arrived at? What raw data are they using?

I don't think anybody is disputing that fertility declines with age.

But when you look at this chart and you say, for example, that a woman aged 37-39 has a 67.4% chance of conceiving within 12 cycles, what exactly does that mean?

Is this hypothetical woman 37, 38 or 39? There is a difference.

By 12 cycles, do you mean 12 perfect 28 day cycles? Or a year of trying, which may be 13 cycles for a woman with perfect 28 day cycles, or fewer than 12 cycles for a woman with long cycles?

Has this woman just stopped contraception and started having unprotected sex whenever she feels like it? Or is she tracking her ovulation and hitting the right days every single time?

What's your starting point? Do you count cycle 1 from when she stops contraception? Are you controlling for women who have just stopped using condoms, women who have had a non hormonal coil taken out, and women who have recently stopped using hormonal contraception and whose cycles might take some time to regulate?

What are you counting as conception? Does a miscarriage count as a conception or only a full term pregnancy?

There are too many variables. We don't have the data to know whether these figures are reliable.

And that's before you address very basic issues such as the fact that you're lumping 34 year olds in with 36 year olds and 37 year olds in with 39 year olds, and the fact that probably the best information they have is how long women of this age self report that they have been trying, except that many women lie about how long they have been trying in order to access fertility treatment sooner. You literally just advised the OP to do exactly that.

Now if, as I suspect, these figures are based on women of varying ages who have self reported how many cycles they have been trying to conceive for, they probably aren't accurate and give a rather negative prognosis when the reality is probably more positive.

If a woman in her late 30s who has stopped contraception and whose cycles have had a chance to regulate tracks her cycles and is able to confirm that she is ovulating and has sex 2-3 times during every fertile window, including either one day or two days before ovulation, I reckon her chances of getting pregnant within a year are significantly higher than 67%.

That's why "just relax and don't track your cycles" is the worst advice on this thread, especially for a woman in her late 30s.

Some of the women you refer to who conceive naturally in months 12-24 are undoubtedly less fertile than they would have been ten years ago, but they might have conceived earlier if they had been properly tracking their cycles. A lot of women rely on apps such as Clue to tell them when to have sex. If I'd done that I would have missed my fertile window every single time. Even some of the women who end up conceiving with IUI might have just been getting the timing wrong and didn't actually need fertility treatment.

It’s not too late for some people, it might be for others, I think you just can’t be sure which group you fill fall into.

Everyone knows a couple who conceived in their forties, similarly I have two friends, one 39 and one 35, who have been struggling for years and have had multiple rounds of failed IVF.

If you really want a baby, my best advice is to get cracking and be proactive where you can, plenty of helpful advice on this thread, in the conception board and in the few books that have been mentioned.