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AIBU?

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Original poster

Tradesman Asked Me Out

528 replies

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 14:52

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

Tradesman Asked Me Out
OP posts:
adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 17:54

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 17:47

I repeated the request by text. I think the lack of response made it obvious I didn't want to say where I worked or meet again.

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OMG that sounds like someone trying to do you a favour!!!

He could have left them at reception and you wouldn't have had to see him at all.

Are you always such a drama queen???

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 17:55

@adriftinadenofvipers

Why was bringing them to her work a favour rather than putting them through the letter box like he was told to?

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 17:56

TomatoSandwiches · 29/10/2023 17:38

You are willingly ignoring the context of how he asked op for a coffee which when taken into consideration all add up to not be as simple as " he suggested a coffee! "

You are being disingenuous.

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You are being ridiculous.

vjg13 · 29/10/2023 17:56

I am shocked by the messages here not in support of OP. Definitely have your locks changed before you move in.

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 17:57

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 17:55

@adriftinadenofvipers

Why was bringing them to her work a favour rather than putting them through the letter box like he was told to?

He literally asked if it was nearer for her? Bloody hell.

As has been explained, other tradies like to hand keys over in person - how difficult a concept is it to comprehend????

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 17:57

vjg13 · 29/10/2023 17:56

I am shocked by the messages here not in support of OP. Definitely have your locks changed before you move in.

I am more shocked by all the hysterical bollocks!

jammyhand · 29/10/2023 17:57

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 17:47

I repeated the request by text. I think the lack of response made it obvious I didn't want to say where I worked or meet again.

Show quote history

Oh at first I said the going to your work thing was too much, but actually the way he's phrased it is OK I think – phrased in a non pushy throwaway way, so you can easily reject or ignore. And he didn't push it at all after your non-reply. It sounded worse in the OP.

Overall, he fancied you and took his chances, in an unprofessional but still pretty measured and polite way. It was always going to be disgusting and creepy if you didn't fancy him back, and lovely and great if you fancied him back. He's obviously got the message by now in any case.

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 17:58

BenjaminDisraeli · 29/10/2023 17:44

Don't care if this sounds like an overreaction, if it were me I'd see a number of red flags here and I'd do exactly what you did OP.

The fact that he had your keys for a few days. (I'd change the locks.)
The fact that his message references your parents. (Innocent, but talking about 'your mum and dad' is a degree of familiarity that you haven't invited. Also an excuse for further communication.)
The fact he wanted needed to know where you work.
The compliments. Sorry if this ruffles the romantically inclined, but my instinct is that men tend not to give compliments at this early stage - ie without really knowing you - without an ulterior motive.
The fact that you live alone, full stop.

I think upthread you mentioned you have experience of a controlling relationship,and you've learnt from this. Well done for going with your instincts.

He said she was nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Desperatetime · 29/10/2023 17:59

People get together in all manner of circumstances I wouldn't worry.

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 18:00

I came home from work once to a tradesman still in my house. He had gone to the local shop for beer and a bottle of Rose "because I didn't seem to have any booze in" and he thought we could get a takeaway and admire all his hard work.

Some of you lot would no doubt think this was entirely normal and probably quite sweet!

Sunseaandsand1 · 29/10/2023 18:00

You’re not being unreasonable, it’s the power dynamic that’s the problem. He has your home address, your personal phone number, has had access to your home, had the key to your home & from that has presumably worked out you’re single. You however just have his work number. It’s massively creepy & unprofessional of him. I had a builder & an electrician do the same to me once & it really unsettled me because of that power dynamic & the access they’d had to my personal life. I always try & find tradeswoman instead now.

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 18:02

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 18:00

I came home from work once to a tradesman still in my house. He had gone to the local shop for beer and a bottle of Rose "because I didn't seem to have any booze in" and he thought we could get a takeaway and admire all his hard work.

Some of you lot would no doubt think this was entirely normal and probably quite sweet!

Nah that was a bit nutty. Sounds like he might have a problem.

I'd never have anyone work in my house when I'm not at home and although I am old I have never had anyone behave inappropriately.

Maybe I'm just too old and not hot enough 🙄

Luxell934 · 29/10/2023 18:03

I think he simply wanted to hand over the keys in person. It's peace of mind for both client and tradesperson that the keys have been physically handed over for safety/security reasons for both parties.

I do think your being unreasonable, but I can understand he's clearly made you feel uncomfortable, so if I was you I'd reply "Sorry but I have a boyfriend" and then block him. Change the locks if that would make you feel more comfortable.

Growlybear83 · 29/10/2023 18:03

How ridiculous - it's not unprofessional or creepy. The poor man wanted to ask the OP out for a coffee. Although I suppose you might be right about the power dynamic - it's not really the done thing for the employer to go out with a tradesman is it.

SoTired12 · 29/10/2023 18:05

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 18:00

I came home from work once to a tradesman still in my house. He had gone to the local shop for beer and a bottle of Rose "because I didn't seem to have any booze in" and he thought we could get a takeaway and admire all his hard work.

Some of you lot would no doubt think this was entirely normal and probably quite sweet!

No, that is strange.

Not comparable to receiving a polite text though.

Mikimoto · 29/10/2023 18:07

Someone thought she was nice?
Don't think anyone will be falling for that one again.

Moro93 · 29/10/2023 18:08

YANBU. He had your number for a professional reason and tried to use it for something personal.

I‘ve had takeaway delivered before and the delivery driver text to ask me out after leaving. It’s extremely creepy and inappropriate.

itsmyp4rty · 29/10/2023 18:09

I think your abusive relationship is colouring how you perceive this. I can understand that you might not want the attention, but just make that clear before you decide it's anything you need to be concerned about.

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 18:10

Why @SoTired12?

He wanted to put the keys in my hand.

He wanted to have a drink with me.

SpringHexagon · 29/10/2023 18:10

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 18:00

I came home from work once to a tradesman still in my house. He had gone to the local shop for beer and a bottle of Rose "because I didn't seem to have any booze in" and he thought we could get a takeaway and admire all his hard work.

Some of you lot would no doubt think this was entirely normal and probably quite sweet!

Nah that's nuts and if this was the original post I would be totally with you that this was weird and the guy probably a bit unhinged. It's absolutely not the same thing as sending a text to ask someone for coffee.

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 18:12

itsmyp4rty · 29/10/2023 18:09

I think your abusive relationship is colouring how you perceive this. I can understand that you might not want the attention, but just make that clear before you decide it's anything you need to be concerned about.

Saying "put the keys through the door and ceasing to reply to requests to bring the to her work IS making that clear.

OhComeOnFFS · 29/10/2023 18:13

I'd reply, "Thanks, but I have a boyfriend who's moving in tonight."

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 18:14

@SpringHexagon

If I had posted that I have no doubt at all that people would tell me that he wasn't a rapist, and he just wanted to have a drink with me, and suggest I was snobby about tradesmen.

Wintersgirl · 29/10/2023 18:14

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 18:00

I came home from work once to a tradesman still in my house. He had gone to the local shop for beer and a bottle of Rose "because I didn't seem to have any booze in" and he thought we could get a takeaway and admire all his hard work.

Some of you lot would no doubt think this was entirely normal and probably quite sweet!

Now THAT is bloody weird and a totally different scenario to the polite text that the OP recieved.

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 18:15

OhComeOnFFS · 29/10/2023 18:13

I'd reply, "Thanks, but I have a boyfriend who's moving in tonight."

Why?