Tradesman Asked Me Out

[Creepy23]

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

I think so - if he wanted to make a copy he could have done it any time since the keys came into his possession!

I've renovated multiple house and 90% of tradeworkers have always posted the keys back through the door.

If I've collected keys in person it was because we mutually agreed before works started that payment would be completed upon a final viewing of works done or I was literally there doing other works myself when they've finished.

Typical mumsnet

Anybody else brain right now thinking he made a copy of her key and has put hidden cameras in her home and he's carrying a pair of her underwear around in his pocket or is my brain broken. Sorry op I'm really not helping

Because she is being unspeakably unreasonable, of course!!

I’m really at a loss as to what he’s done that is wrong/creepy/boundary pushing etc.

He completed the work so he’s not mixing business with pleasure, then asked OP for a coffee because he liked her.

She just needs to say ‘no thank you’ and keep it moving.

Bar online dating, how do people meet if no one approaches anyone?

I think so to 🤣🤣

For god’s sake OP don’t let this guy lose his job over this.

The amount of irrational thinking on this thread is insane.

Don't care if this sounds like an overreaction, if it were me I'd see a number of red flags here and I'd do exactly what you did OP.

The fact that he had your keys for a few days. (I'd change the locks.)
The fact that his message references your parents. (Innocent, but talking about 'your mum and dad' is a degree of familiarity that you haven't invited. Also an excuse for further communication.)
The fact he wanted needed to know where you work.
The compliments. Sorry if this ruffles the romantically inclined, but my instinct is that men tend not to give compliments at this early stage - ie without really knowing you - without an ulterior motive.
The fact that you live alone, full stop.

I think upthread you mentioned you have experience of a controlling relationship,and you've learnt from this. Well done for going with your instincts.

That’s what I’m thinking.

If he has sinister intentions he’s unlikely to draw attention to them. He’d know he has access whenever .

He's a creep! Please say you're changing your locks, it's not worth the uncertainty not doing so.
Sorry you've had to deal with this.

I think you might have hit the nail on the head, that and because she's deemed him to be old!

I repeated the request by text. I think the lack of response made it obvious I didn't want to say where I worked or meet again.

I take it you know how to change your locks?

Do it.

Just in case. This guy has no boundaries. Asking a lady out is one thing. Keeping her keys for longer than is necessary, quite another.

Spare me this bollocks about losing people their livelihood. What would be the comeback?

She said put the keys through the door.

He didn't.

He asked for her work address completely unnecessarily.

He was seemingly happy to drive to wherever that was but couldn't put them through the door because he didn't know where he'd be.

He kept the keys for another day.

He asked her out after she stopped replying to his boundary pushing days ago.

Jesus, that's a bit of a push!

No, it's because I HIRED HIM TO DO A JOB.

It's far from bollocks. She came to no harm.

Well don't you think if a person caused someone to lose their job, they might be pissed off about it and pissed off with the person who caused them to lose it???! Dead obvious to me!!

So he can't be an actual human being then because YOU HIRED HIM TO DO A JOB.

Male. Work in services. Would never do this and would probably involve HR if I found out it was going on with others. Totally inappropriate. Complain to the company. They won't approve of this conduct.

Aye I think you should report him . All these serial killer tradesmen eh?

What part of "put the keys through the door" and then not replying spells budding relationship to you?

It's up to him to hand back the keys however he sees fit. Maybe he's been stung before?

In the context, it's a misuse of her personal information. He had her contact details because of the job; he shouldn't have used them to try to ask her out. In the same way, if you give your number to make a restaurant reservation, it would be inappropriate and creepy for a waiter to contact you afterwards to ask you out.

Asking someone for a coffee in itself is fine, but it depends on the situation. Would you really think it's fine for say a taxi driver to proposition a passenger in this way? It's also 'just asking someone out', but the circumstances make it inappropriate.

No wonder OP feels violated and on edge. It's disturbing to go about your life engaging in a professional dynamic with a man and then it turns out that the man is perceiving you as a sexual object and trying to 'get with you'; it makes you feel like men who are interacting with you are just treating you as a piece of meat. It's not even that they had a rapport and found they had common interests in conversation as he was going about the work, but just 'I did a job and found the lady hot, why not?'.