Tradesman Asked Me Out

[Creepy23]

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

That’s not right, it does not show account details . No bank does this. None.

How do you know he's not a rapist? They don't send messages that say 'Would you like to go for a coffee? I thought you were very nice and after the coffee I intend to rape you.' They walk among us looking and behaving, for most of the time, like anyone else.

If he is a rapist the text about the coffee is irrelevant though isn't it?

I paid the deposit by card in person. This isn't the main issue in this thread though. Not sure why you're focused on it, except you think it invalidates the rest.

I can only think that other posters haven't experienced this from workmen in their homes and taxi drivers, police officers, meter readers, estate agents etc and are unable to empathise with how vulnerable and creeped out you feel.

Much like this tradesman, who doesn't seem to have considered for a moment how the OP might feel about it.

I haven't voted yet. But given that we know op is lying about the bank details, I'm going for op being U...

This is all getting a bit hysterical I cannot believe what’s being posted. The man asked her for a coffee and people are suggesting he’s copied her keys and is a rapist.

😱

Interesting how your story keeps changing.

First you paid remotely, you work in banking and the details are on the statement. Now you paid the deposit by card in person.

Yes, I do think the fact that one part of your story not making sense potentially invalidates the rest.

There is definitely a fib in there,yes, most people know you don’t get bank details when you get your statement . Most people have bank accounts and see their statements, and know full well the statement does not give the bank account of the payer.

@Electro79 Tell me how there's not a professional boundary in paying someone to do a job?

You asked if you are being U. But now you are arguing back with posters who say you were. Why asked if you were being U when you know you were not.

1. I paid the deposit by card.

2. I paid the remainder remotely after the work was completed.

That's how deposits work.

Ask you out - ok. You can say No.

Keeping your keys - not ok.

Just decline, block and move on, I don't get all the drama!

So if I go to work in an office and Clive from accounts asks me out for coffee he is entitled because I only go into work for professional reasons?

I am also not allowed to ask hot Richard from IT out as that would be entitled as hot Richard doesn't come to work to be hit on?

Or do these new fangled, completely made up rules only exist for men?

It is a wonder the human race is not extinct.

How does that fit with your earlier comment "it shows on the bank statement"??? Which it doesn't!

So just say he liked you and you liked him. How would you ever meet up? Hope you both join the same dating app and both swipe the right way?

He only asked you out for a coffee FFS

He made you feel vulnerable.YANBU.

Are you still going to pass his number to your parents?

This is getting very weird, you clearly don’t work in banking op. You don’t even seem to know how credit cards work or what shows in a statement. Which I’m quite stunned at. Even my kids know.

I think you're really over reacting and don't see what the poor man did wrong. Or is the issue really that you think a 'tradesman', as you describe him, is a bit beneath you?

Haha, yeah, I'm aware thanks.

The bit that's changing is how he has your bank details... First it was through his statement, now it's via your card (cards don't usually have your bank details, just your card number. And if that's compromised it's easily changed. But you'll know that given that you work in banking...)

No, my dad who briefly met him the second time responded "He's as old as me!"

Wheres the boundary and who's setting it - customer pays me to re-wire house, I re-wire house, whether i accept their offer of tea, make small talk, give a hand bringing in a large parcel that arrives when i'm there or ask them out for a coffee, thats all up to me, there is no regulatory body telling me i can or cannot do any of those things, its up to me - and i'm trade NOT professional, and proud of that.

Can you demonstrate that he hasn't and that he isn't?

And while you're at it, you could also explain why he didn't put her keys back through the door when he was told to, why he asked to visit her at her work, and why he asked her out after she didn't reply to him.

And which part of "put the keys back through the door" and then blanking him made him think she might be interested?

OP, if I were you, I'd change the locks - just to have peace of mind.

I'd also reply to his message: "Thanks, but I'm seeing someone at the moment. All the best."

I wouldn't do this to spare his feelings, it's more if he does turn out to be a creep.

I'd feel a little uneasy if I were you, but perhaps this has affected you more deeply due to your history.

It is overbearing.
Tradesman are invited into our spaces.

They need to respect that, and not take advantage of that.

They are in the stronger position and the woman in the weakened position.

It's not neutral territory. I don't think she's over reacting.