Tradesman Asked Me Out

[Creepy23]

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

I dont see anything wrong with his message at face value. HOWEVER, delaying giving back the keys and asking where you work, to me, is rather creepy. Why not just promptly give the keys back as you asked, THEN send a message asking you out? Its the angling to come to your work place that I find disconcerting. It feels intrusive, as if he wants to know more about you before he even knows if you're interested. Its a small thing, but it jumps out at me and I have learnt to listen to those things- Gavin De Becker calls them "satellites", read the book "The gift of fear" OP- its a great book about staying safe and listening to your instincts.

Rubbish. I’m never given customer bank details. He gave you his, not the other way around.

you’re paying him, you need his (companies) details. My bank details are on the invoice.

I did t notice that. But it puts the whole thread in a different lite.

Depends, a qualified plumber , plasterer, electrician or good decorator grab him while you can! Then pimp him out to all your friends. Good tradespeople are hard to find. Jay Rayner and his wife take their builder out to dinner.

Neither was there about my friend's rapist.

I'd find it creepy. I'd reply and say thanks but no thanks. Anything further and I'd progress it to making a fuss.

I'm sure at some point this was acceptable but no, I'd not be happy with this.

Exactly this.

I've worked in finance and run two businesses. I've seen many bank statements from many different banks.

None of them had the bank details from the person that sent the money.

What was it about not replying to his messages after payment made him think she might be interested?

Why even respond (let alone politely) if you think it's creepy? Wouldn't you just ignore?

Nonsense - there was no need to give him your bank details.

I have never once had a customers details except when they inadvertently overpaid and I had to send some money back.

If you replied he'd reply.

I clearly bank with an inferior bank - there are no details on the statement when I get paid for my little side hussle.

How does he know if there is any interest without asking? She is free to say yes or no.

This is the way it it has worked for thousands of years before OLD was invented.

At most, he has you account number and sort code, that means he can pay you, not withdraw! Can't see how a few account numbers comes in to it either way, he's not doing fraud is he?

What about telling him to pop the keys through the door and ignoring his request to visit her at work signalled potential interest?

Am sorry but you are being too sensitive about this, it's not that big a deal!!!! Block him, say no.. and forget about it.

He doesn't even have that. Op paid him 'remotely'. No bank gives the details of the bank account that the money came from. It just doesn't happen.

How the everloving fuck is the vote split?!

YANBU, not even a little bit.

Oh gosh. @Creepy23
I can see this both perspectives- yes, this was pretty much how you met people pre OLD, and it wasn’t considered creepy.
However, I also see what you mean, he is a stranger who has access to your home.
I think I’d politely decline and leave it at that unless he gives you cause to take further action.

If people aren't alert to boundary pushing then I'm beginning to understand why so many women on Mumsnet seem to be in shit relationships.

If you find someone attractive how are you to know if they feel the same way or not if you don’t ask? Not everyone outwardly shows interest, I don’t! I’m too shy. 😂 As long as he accepted the word no I don’t see the issue myself. I would only have a problem if he didn’t.

And women have been raped and murdered for saying no to men asking then out.

I think it's comparably reasonable for op to find a man she hired in a professional capacity who has her address and keys to it with time to make a copy creepy for asking her out.

It's astounding you don't understand that.

How do you know he's not a rapist? They don't send messages that say 'Would you like to go for a coffee? I thought you were very nice and after the coffee I intend to rape you.' They walk among us looking and behaving, for most of the time, like anyone else.

But there are no professional boundaries are there?, because presumably the tradesman is just that, a tradesman.

He may be required to complete work to the building regs or the customers choice of colour, but aside from getting the job done there are no set rules or standards - to be fair thats why most of us in the trades love it, no political correctness, no human resources, no clocking in, no targets (other than a good job of course), generally no managers.

Often you form a rapport with customers, often customers become friends and acquaintances.

I don't like that he has had your house keys OP. He could have had them copied.

It shows on the statement. I work in banking, but thanks.

This doesn't make any sense, you just give a name as a reference