Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tradesman Asked Me Out

528 replies

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 14:52

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

Tradesman Asked Me Out
OP posts:
Goose33 · 29/10/2023 16:36

No

Palmasailor · 29/10/2023 16:36

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 16:29

I'm glad too - and I'm female, although that has even been called into question.

The world has gone mad.

Show quote history

Thank you.

But you can clearly see how relations have gone to shit can’t you?

You just see it daily, miserable people who can’t communicate at the most basic of levels and are scared to say boo to a goose.

Asking a girl for a coffee is such a sin, god help us. Why don’t we hang him.

And for the sake of equality let’s hang all women who ask a guy out as well.

That’ll definitely sort things out and make the world a better place.

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:36

The rabid men hating on here is unbelievable

It's not just men, some people go through life thinking everyone is out to get them & jump straight to an extreme reason for behaviour eg my friend didn't respond to my text but has been on Facebook, answer she obviously hates you & is jealous. My boyfriend isn't answering his calls and has been short recently; he has another family. Thankfully most don't think like this.

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 16:37

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2023 16:33

I love men. I'm married to an amazing one. I know countless wonderful men. What the op doesn't need is a man telling her how she should feel about another man displaying completely inappropriate behaviour, as though she should be grateful for his attention.

The amount of people tripping over themselves to defend this creep is beyond sad.

Show quote history

Well your comments suggest otherwise.

Not one person has suggested she should be grateful for his attention, catch a grip!

nottaotter · 29/10/2023 16:38

No thank you. Not a big deal at all.

FordAnglia · 29/10/2023 16:38

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 15:05

I was in an abusive relationship that ended at the end of summer. Very controlling, threatening etc. and the police had to give a disclosure.

I suppose it bothers me since this was the first non-family male I've had in my house and it made me feel unsafe.

I thought I was moving forward by making changes to my house, but it ended up another man being entitled and making it about what suited him.

Show quote history

Entitled?
He's not even coming across as entitled to a coffee.
Has asked.
Politely tell him no and move on.

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 16:39

Palmasailor · 29/10/2023 16:36

Thank you.

But you can clearly see how relations have gone to shit can’t you?

You just see it daily, miserable people who can’t communicate at the most basic of levels and are scared to say boo to a goose.

Asking a girl for a coffee is such a sin, god help us. Why don’t we hang him.

And for the sake of equality let’s hang all women who ask a guy out as well.

That’ll definitely sort things out and make the world a better place.

Show quote history

I am of an age to remember a time when a small proportion of men thought it was ok to feel you up without your permission, and had it happen to me in my workplace a number of times as a young woman, so I can't get my knickers in a twist about a man asking a woman out for a coffee!!

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:39

he had no reason to think she was interested he should have kept his thoughts to himself.

Maybe he did, have you never seen anyone give out confusing signals?

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:40

He did purposefully hold onto your keys so he had a reason to see you again, because he could and should have posted them back when he locked up the day he finished the job.

I think the fact the op doesn't live in the house makes a difference

Original poster
Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 16:40

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:40

He did purposefully hold onto your keys so he had a reason to see you again, because he could and should have posted them back when he locked up the day he finished the job.

I think the fact the op doesn't live in the house makes a difference

I'm moving into it next week. A lot of my things are at the house. I visit it most days.

OP posts:
adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 16:40

FinallyPregnant23 · 29/10/2023 16:35

@Palmasailor seems to be getting very offended, perhaps he is the tradesman in question? Or he and his colleagues regularly do this.

@Creepy23 , I can't believe so many people think this isn't creepy.

He did purposefully hold onto your keys so he had a reason to see you again, because he could and should have posted them back when he locked up the day he finished the job. He didn't need to take them away with him.

I would hate this too, it's not the same as being asked out on a train or in a pub or by a builder stood behind you in the queue in the cafe. This man has been in the ops house, had her keys, has her phone number and address and if he doesn't understand boundaries enough to know that this isn't okay, then I would have to think he doesn't understand what else isn't okay.

If I were you, I'd be changing my locks. You could get a locksmith or depending on your type of door, you can buy new locks cheaply from places like Screwfix and they're fairly easy to change yourself with a YouTube tutorial.

Was there any need for the catty comment??? Or the personal attack?

Very immature.

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/10/2023 16:40

Nicknacky · 29/10/2023 16:35

Have you never asked someone out on a date or a coffee?

Show quote history

By taking advantage of their personal information I received professionally?

No. I can't say that I have.

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:41

What the op doesn't need is a man telling her how she should feel about another man displaying completely inappropriate behaviour, as though she should be grateful for his attention.
grateful for his attention?! Who said that

Nicknacky · 29/10/2023 16:42

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/10/2023 16:40

By taking advantage of their personal information I received professionally?

No. I can't say that I have.

Show quote history

Oh your post didn’t mention that. It seemed to just talk in general about asking someone out. But feel free to be snappy.

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:43

I'm moving into it next week.

As I said we are talking about a situation that occurred when you were not living there.

CHRIS003 · 29/10/2023 16:43

Learn from this event - 1, don't give your spare keys out or have workmen in your house if you are not there.
And 2. YANBU absolutely creepy as hell that he would ask you out socially?

  1. I hope you didn't pass your parents number on to him for more business ?
TomatoSandwiches · 29/10/2023 16:44

YANBU, he had your keys and other information, tried to swindle your work address out of you when it is quite clear you had no interest. He was unprofessional and bordering on quite creepy imo.

Palmasailor · 29/10/2023 16:44

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 16:39

I am of an age to remember a time when a small proportion of men thought it was ok to feel you up without your permission, and had it happen to me in my workplace a number of times as a young woman, so I can't get my knickers in a twist about a man asking a woman out for a coffee!!

Show quote history

I’m of an age where I remember that but I never did it.

I did have a woman spit at me for holding a door for her once a long time ago.

I stopped holding doors for women I don’t know after that.

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/10/2023 16:44

Nicknacky · 29/10/2023 16:42

Oh your post didn’t mention that. It seemed to just talk in general about asking someone out. But feel free to be snappy.

Show quote history

The only reason why he was there was professionally. It's the same thing.

OP didn't invite him there for personal reasons
OP didn't give him her number for personal reasons

Original poster
Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 16:44

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:43

I'm moving into it next week.

As I said we are talking about a situation that occurred when you were not living there.

It's the house I'll be living in.

OP posts:
adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 16:46

Palmasailor · 29/10/2023 16:44

I’m of an age where I remember that but I never did it.

I did have a woman spit at me for holding a door for her once a long time ago.

I stopped holding doors for women I don’t know after that.

Show quote history

That's vile. What is wrong with people?!!

FinallyPregnant23 · 29/10/2023 16:46

Also DH is a tradesman who has others working for him and I asked him what he thought, he agreed that it would be completely inappropriate and if one of his staff did it they would be put on a disciplinary or let go.

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:46

A lot of my things are at the house. I visit it most days.

You still weren't living there though & you explicitly told him you weren't living there as you wanted the CT discount.

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:47

It's the house I'll be living in.
what are you not understanding?

PurpleSky09 · 29/10/2023 16:48

I’m with you OP, completely unacceptable for him to send you that message.