Tradesman Asked Me Out

[Creepy23]

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

Agree with this. Jees can’t someone ask a person out in real life these days without being seen as a weirdo? He didn’t say anything pervy or creepy at all. He obviously liked you, realised you were single and thought hed ask. I understand your past has influenced how you feel about this but some of the comments on here- someone suggesting leaving screenshots of his message on a review- well that it just cruel let alone a massive overreaction. And blocking- you do that to someone insulting/offensive/harassing not because of this one time, polite message!
In terms of professionalism yeh maybe a bit but the work had been completed so they no longer have a working relationship so it’s not an issue. He was just asking politely if she wanted to go for coffee.

Why is that an issue? What can he do with that information?

OP, you haven't responded to him and that should be the end of it. If he pesters you or does anything inappropriate complain to his company. Otherwise, it was just a bloke asking you for coffee. It used to happen a lot more in days gone by. It was how people met each other and nobody would've ever gone on a date or got married. My car mechanic phoned me years ago to ask if I'd like to go for a drink. I didn't even know he fancied me (I was young and single and so was he). We went on a few dates and he was lovely but just not my type.

Sending one polite text makes him a creep how?

The OP has posted on AIBU, the point in this is to hear other opinions, if a man wants to give his then he's more than welcome to. He hasn't said anything wrong at all, nowhere has he said she should be greatful either.

I bet you hear a lot of "yes, dear" in your household.

How do you know?

Honestly, the world has gone to shit. And your attitude is awful.

Yep but that’s what it’s turned into.

Creepy and inappropriate. Def a lock change coming there I think.

I would politely refuse and then block.

How do you know?
there's nothing to suggest he's a rapist

And if he was a rapist the text re coffee has no relevance to the OPs safety.

Just don't reply to him and get your locks changed.
I had this happen before with a carpet fitter (married one at that) 🤮

I wouldn’t like it. It’s easy to feel more vulnerable living on your own and to me this would cross a line.

If it was a tradesman working at my house (without having had my keys), that I’d had multiple conversations with and maybe a bit of flirting/encouragement over a few weeks that would be a bit different.

I’d probably change the locks just before I moved in (especially if there’s been quite a few people with access), block him but keep a record of the messages. If he tries to get in touch again I’d consider escalating it.

What a bastard. See if you can get him sacked, or find a way to humiliate him in public. Perhaps write a fake review and try and get his business to go bust.

Why on earth did you give him your bank details? That makes no sense to me.

Massive over reaction he waited till the job was done and politely asked you for coffee. Most people don't hook on on OLD they meet in real life.

It's not appropriate for him to have done that.

There are boundaries in a professional relationship. You should be able to trust someone you have to give your keys to to respect them.

I personally would not hire someone or date someone who didn't respect boundaries.

Once someone has broken one boundary I always wonder how many others they'll cross.

To pay for the work he completed.

For that you need his bank details. He didn't need yours...

It shows on the statement. I work in banking, but thanks.

If you weren’t interested you could just say no and then leave it there. If he continued to text or be abusive then I’d report. He just tried his luck by the sounds of it. Ok, It could be construed as creepy that he kept your keys, but it’s done now. He wanted an excuse to see you.

Ages ago there was a fatal stabbing in my road and two officers came round on house to house enquiries. I hadn't seen or heard anything - the first I knew of it was leaving for work next morning and seeing all the police tape.

A few nights later there was a knock and it was one of the officers in uniform. His partner was sitting in the marked patrol car. I asked if there was anything else he wanted to ask me about the murder because I couldn't think of anything and he said it wasn't about that he just wanted to go out for a drink.

No mate. You're skiving off duty with your partner and using a murder investigation to pick up women. Call me old-fashioned but that's not a quality I find attractive in a man.

This was before online dating but don't ever let anyone tell you this is how people used to meet in the olden days. I never did and wasn't hard up for dates as were my boyfriends.

I've had men ask me out on the Tube - it's not that I'm gorgeous but more that lots of men see opportunities for sex everywhere and neither know nor care how creepy this is. I am friendly. I talk to people on public transport, in the supermarket and at the GP surgery etc. But at the risk of missing out on a Brief Encounter moment I don't want to be chatted up in those settings. Obviously, there are some women who welcome this approach. They're probably the same ones who love having scaffolders shout: "Nice jugs!"

Last year I had workmen in and got a creepy painter who stripped to his pants in front of me - it was so quick, it was like he was in the Full Monty. When I pointed out the bathroom where he could change he said: "I'm not shy." Well, I am, so I asked his boss to send someone else after he repeated it and other dodgy comments on the second day. I don't care if this affected his livelihood. He creeped me out in my own home where I should feel safe.

There were other workmen from the same firm - two electricians and a plasterer who didn't worry me at all. Like the painter, the plasterer also had to get changed but he asked where he could do it and leave his clothes before I even said anything. I imagine the electricians and the plasterer meet women in their spare time, not on the job.

OP I'd change the locks for peace of mind. It doesn't matter whether the man was unattractive or not. If I'd have met the copper in a pub or at a party I might have gone for that drink because he was young and attractive. But police using privileged information to get a shag, or worse, is taken a little bit more seriously all these years later. I'm quite sure there were still rules about it in the 1990s though and the same goes for any job.

That's just not true.

This guy had no reason to think @Creepy23 had any interest in him.

Why did he ask her out?

And he didn't care what she wanted.

Funny that. I've got my own business and therefore give my customers my business bank details so they can pay me. All I ever see on my bank statements/online banking is whatever "reference" they've entered, which is typically their name and invoice number. I've never seen their bank details such as sort code or account number. I'd love to know which banks show the payee's sort code and account number on the recipient's bank statement!