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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tradesman Asked Me Out

528 replies

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 14:52

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

Tradesman Asked Me Out
OP posts:
Gardeningtime · 29/10/2023 16:25

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 29/10/2023 16:23

Can anyone explain who one polite text is creepy?

Because the only reason that he had her number was so that he could do some work for her. He shouldn't have been using that information for any other reason.

That would make it more professionally inappropriate than creepy, he just asked her for a coffee politey

SoTired12 · 29/10/2023 16:26

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2023 16:21

We don't need you to tell us what our problem is, thanks. Men like you are the problem, always have been, and always will be. HTH.

Show quote history

What are you talking about? 😬

He hasn't said anything wrong, and you don't even know him.

The rabid men hating on here is unbelievable 😂

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/10/2023 16:26

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:23

You said it was ok for him to keep the keys so he'd have an excuse to ask me out in person. That's entitled.

I didn't say whether it was ok or not I simply said maybe he wanted to ask you out in person? Again I thought that was the more likely reason as opposed to being a stalker.

How would you have preferred him to ask you out? I think you are angry he asked you out in the first place. That's your right but asking someone out isn't inherently wrong & doesn't mean he's a crazy psycho.

It's inherently wrong when you got the number for professional reasons and you take it up on yourself to use it for personal reasons.

It's perfectly reasonable for OP to simply want someone to do their job and leave without using the situation to their personal advantage.

Gardeningtime · 29/10/2023 16:27

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2023 16:21

We don't need you to tell us what our problem is, thanks. Men like you are the problem, always have been, and always will be. HTH.

Show quote history

I don’t think you should use the term us when attacking like this, as most don’t agree your stance,

Vitriolinsanity · 29/10/2023 16:28

WhateverMate · 29/10/2023 14:56

Also, you could probably report him for breaching GDPR rules.

Oh for God's sake.

Palmasailor · 29/10/2023 16:28

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2023 16:21

We don't need you to tell us what our problem is, thanks. Men like you are the problem, always have been, and always will be. HTH.

Show quote history

I’ve never been a problem to any woman.

But this ^^ whole thing is utterly ridiculous.

Most of you have some balance, I don’t know what’s wrong with the rest of you but I’m glad you’re nowhere near me.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 29/10/2023 16:29

So it's unprofessional not creepy.

Well IMO it's unprofessional and therefore it's pushing boundaries and personally I find men who do that creepy especially with the key situation.

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 16:29

Palmasailor · 29/10/2023 16:28

I’ve never been a problem to any woman.

But this ^^ whole thing is utterly ridiculous.

Most of you have some balance, I don’t know what’s wrong with the rest of you but I’m glad you’re nowhere near me.

Show quote history

I'm glad too - and I'm female, although that has even been called into question.

The world has gone mad.

LocalHobo · 29/10/2023 16:30

If you don't fancy him just reply No thanks
Where is our society at, that this needs explaining to an adult human female?

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/10/2023 16:30

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 29/10/2023 16:29

So it's unprofessional not creepy.

Well IMO it's unprofessional and therefore it's pushing boundaries and personally I find men who do that creepy especially with the key situation.

I agree.

Gardeningtime · 29/10/2023 16:30

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 29/10/2023 16:29

So it's unprofessional not creepy.

Well IMO it's unprofessional and therefore it's pushing boundaries and personally I find men who do that creepy especially with the key situation.

You’re really reaching there to justify your stance.

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:30

It's inherently wrong when you got the number for professional reasons and you take it up on yourself to use it for personal reasons.

So should he have turned up unannounced on a later date to ask about coffee?

cornflower21 · 29/10/2023 16:32

JustAnotherDayInNorfolk · 29/10/2023 15:09

Honestly, he asked you for a coffee. It's no big deal. He met you through some work he was doing and thought he might like to meet you socially. You are Seriously over reacting.

This.
Honestly the world went crazy.🙈

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2023 16:33

SoTired12 · 29/10/2023 16:26

What are you talking about? 😬

He hasn't said anything wrong, and you don't even know him.

The rabid men hating on here is unbelievable 😂

Show quote history

I love men. I'm married to an amazing one. I know countless wonderful men. What the op doesn't need is a man telling her how she should feel about another man displaying completely inappropriate behaviour, as though she should be grateful for his attention.

The amount of people tripping over themselves to defend this creep is beyond sad.

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/10/2023 16:33

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:30

It's inherently wrong when you got the number for professional reasons and you take it up on yourself to use it for personal reasons.

So should he have turned up unannounced on a later date to ask about coffee?

He shouldn't have asked at all. Again, the only reason he knows the address and phone number is due to professional reasons, not because OP agreed to him knowing them for personal reasons.

SpringNotSprung · 29/10/2023 16:34

I can't see a problem but I remember the days of the telephone directory unless one opted to go ex directory. Just politely decline op and if you feel nervy get a ring door bell.

Goose33 · 29/10/2023 16:35

He shouldn't have done anything, she wasn't interested, he had no reason to think she was interested he should have kept his thoughts to himself.

FinallyPregnant23 · 29/10/2023 16:35

@Palmasailor seems to be getting very offended, perhaps he is the tradesman in question? Or he and his colleagues regularly do this.

@Creepy23 , I can't believe so many people think this isn't creepy.

He did purposefully hold onto your keys so he had a reason to see you again, because he could and should have posted them back when he locked up the day he finished the job. He didn't need to take them away with him.

I would hate this too, it's not the same as being asked out on a train or in a pub or by a builder stood behind you in the queue in the cafe. This man has been in the ops house, had her keys, has her phone number and address and if he doesn't understand boundaries enough to know that this isn't okay, then I would have to think he doesn't understand what else isn't okay.

If I were you, I'd be changing my locks. You could get a locksmith or depending on your type of door, you can buy new locks cheaply from places like Screwfix and they're fairly easy to change yourself with a YouTube tutorial.

TheFormidableMrsC · 29/10/2023 16:35

I think it's ok for him to ask, but also ok for you to block and ignore. Personally, I couldn't get worked up about this. I presume he's got the message now and isn't finding new ways to contact you!

sparklefresh · 29/10/2023 16:35

Poor bastard was just trying to ask you out. Say no thank you, that's all you need to do.

Nicknacky · 29/10/2023 16:35

Goose33 · 29/10/2023 16:35

He shouldn't have done anything, she wasn't interested, he had no reason to think she was interested he should have kept his thoughts to himself.

Have you never asked someone out on a date or a coffee?

JazzHandsYeah · 29/10/2023 16:36

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all, I would feel the same

mondaytosunday · 29/10/2023 16:36

He's asked, you refused and that's the end of it surely. How do people meet people? I've known couples who've met on a train, in the Post Office, gone out with their tennis coach, a teacher at their kids school and twice the estate agent that helped sell one persons house and another buy! Somebody has to make the first move. I was quite keen on the guy that used to run laser tag for kids parties. If he'd asked me out I would have said yes - and I only knew him from arranging a couple parties and dropping off my kids.

Gardeningtime · 29/10/2023 16:36

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2023 16:33

I love men. I'm married to an amazing one. I know countless wonderful men. What the op doesn't need is a man telling her how she should feel about another man displaying completely inappropriate behaviour, as though she should be grateful for his attention.

The amount of people tripping over themselves to defend this creep is beyond sad.

Show quote history

I really don’t think you’re allowed to attack, insult and abuse people on here like this, and specially not simply due to their gender.

BakewellGin1 · 29/10/2023 16:36

He asked you for coffee - just politely decline.
The fact he was a little older/none attractive whatever - maybe he doesn't judge on age/looks and doesn't expect others to do so. Doesn't make him a creep. I wonder if you'd call him a creep if he was exceptionally good looking.
Unless he is repeatedly messaging or harassing you I'd say just turning down his invite was fine.