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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think that off-duty police shouldn't go to a strip club?

180 replies

TheIckFactor · 29/10/2023 13:20

Name change here.

My STBXH has admitted that when we were still very much together, he and his police buddies (only the blokes) went to a strip club in another city on their Christmas get-together...

Now it makes sense why they'd travel 100 miles - not for the Christmas markets...

I got the bullshit 'didn't want to be left out/I was drunk'. Yep, a married man, a copper, in his 40s can succumb to peer pressure apparently, poor thing. Yeah, right.

Oh yeah, and it was two Christmases! So that bullshit excuse is stretched real thin the second time. Lovely. Happy Christmas, darling.

So, the rights and wrongs of strip clubs in general - and I'm very much of the view that they're exploitative of women; and of husbands/partners doing this on the sly aside,
what do you all think of off-duty police officers going as a group (probably 10+, I'd guess) to strip clubs?

I feel it speaks to a culture of misogyny within the police, that they would think this is ok, but AIBU?

OP posts:
Alargeoneplease89 · 29/10/2023 13:21

Off duty so don't see the problem. Plenty of drs / teachers and other professionals that go to these clubs or use AW.

Cosyblankets · 29/10/2023 13:22

His job is irrelevant
He was off duty

Original poster
TheIckFactor · 29/10/2023 13:23

Large, what's AW?

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 29/10/2023 13:24

I think you should stop holding married men to different standards according to their jobs.

So it's ok for a married refuse collector to exploit women?

Weird train of thought.

Alargeoneplease89 · 29/10/2023 13:25

Adultwork

OrigamiOwl · 29/10/2023 13:25

So teachers, doctors, social workers, firefighters or essentially anyone with a job shouldn't go to strip clubs.

People have different views about strip clubs and that's okay. But to say wholesale that one profession should not be allowed to go but every ever other profession can isn't quite right.

Simonjt · 29/10/2023 13:25

People shouldn’t be prevented from doing anything legal, no matter their job.

assignedmeowth · 29/10/2023 13:26

Why police officers?

Is it ok for male doctors/teachers/cleaners/retail workers to go to strip clubs?

Presuming it wasn't illegal where they were I don't see why it's worse for a police officer to go to a strip club than any other profession.

thecoat · 29/10/2023 13:28

As much as I don't like strip clubs. they are legal and he was off duty.

OneTC · 29/10/2023 13:28

I feel the same as I feel about anyone else who goes to them

Taylorswiftserastour · 29/10/2023 13:29

Who should be allowed to go to strip clubs then?

WobbliHead3000 · 29/10/2023 13:30

Something that has become very clear is that people, regardless of their chosen profession, are usually no more morally competent than the next person.

WhateverMate · 29/10/2023 13:30

Taylorswiftserastour · 29/10/2023 13:29

Who should be allowed to go to strip clubs then?

That's an interesting question actually.

DojaPhat · 29/10/2023 13:30

To be honest if that was his biggest sin as a cop then he did amazingly well!

Nonplusultra · 29/10/2023 13:31

It absolutely speaks to their character and work culture.

The expectation that people in public office maintain certain moral standards has really only slipped in the last half century - still well within living memory.

I agree with you op but we’re probably in the minority.

user1483387154 · 29/10/2023 13:32

Not illegal, not on duty, much as I dont like the clubs and would not want my partner/husband to go to one, it has nothing to do with their profession.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 29/10/2023 13:33

Nonplusultra · 29/10/2023 13:31

It absolutely speaks to their character and work culture.

The expectation that people in public office maintain certain moral standards has really only slipped in the last half century - still well within living memory.

I agree with you op but we’re probably in the minority.

Joining you in the minority. I totally aggree with you @TheIckFactor and @Nonplusultra

Original poster
TheIckFactor · 29/10/2023 13:33

I take your points about professions, etc. Thanks for the input.
The difference is that these same men are involved in work such as investigating trafficked women. Raiding brothels and so on. (Whereby they help those women to get out.)
It just strikes me as a double-standard.
I don't know the particulars of the club they went to, but from reading other MN threads, some clubs have girls being paid for sex. (Again, the rights and wrongs of that aside.)
I think that regardless of my personal views, they are in fact supposed to be upholding a standard of behaviour whilst off-duty - according to the force, not me.
Does anyone, any officers out there, have knowledge of this?

OP posts:
Chickpea17 · 29/10/2023 13:34

Who should be allowed to go to strip clubs then?
It's really none of your business it's not a legal.

CranfordScones · 29/10/2023 13:39

Very U.

Horribly sinister to want to police the (entirely lawful) activities of off-duty public servants. Where are you going to end? What books they read or films they watch? Should they record their personal conversations so that life's self-appointed prefects can censor their private lives and thoughts?

itsmyp4rty · 29/10/2023 13:39

The replies are very bizarre. The reason the OP is talking about police officers is because they are in a (should be) trusted position, there to protect people, and it is the job her ex did.

If groups of police officers thinks it's fine for women to be exploited and to take advantage of that by going to strip clubs then I don't know where that leaves women.

The things that Wayne Couzens openly did within the police force though just show that anything goes. But you know, as long as it was it was in his free time.

Dotcheck · 29/10/2023 13:42

It’s unpleasant, and I would think less of them. However they didn’t do anything illegal

Original poster
TheIckFactor · 29/10/2023 13:42

Ok, so I found it - from the College of Policing Code of Ethics:

"Discreditable Conduct

Police officers behave in a manner which does not discredit the police service or undermine

public confidence in it, whether on or off duty."

I think there's a valid argument that going to strip clubs en masse could potentially undermine confidence in them. Certainly the women working there are going to have less confidence - presumably why these men travelled 2.5 hours for their overnighter....?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheIckFactor · 29/10/2023 13:43

itsmyp4rty · 29/10/2023 13:39

The replies are very bizarre. The reason the OP is talking about police officers is because they are in a (should be) trusted position, there to protect people, and it is the job her ex did.

If groups of police officers thinks it's fine for women to be exploited and to take advantage of that by going to strip clubs then I don't know where that leaves women.

The things that Wayne Couzens openly did within the police force though just show that anything goes. But you know, as long as it was it was in his free time.

Exactly this, thank you.

OP posts:
JMSA · 29/10/2023 13:46

It doesn't sit right with me either, OP.