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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my parents are utterly abhorrent?

174 replies

Mysteriousgirl2 · 29/10/2023 09:09

They are racist, homophobic and sexist. Just generally horrible people who have no empathy or idea about the world around them. They hate all refugees and think that they ‘deserve it’

They are incredibly selfish and wealthy. They have never helped me with my three young DC even though they have never worked and have loads of time.

One of them is an alcoholic and they both drink drive all the time and have two big powerful SUVs. I don’t know how they haven’t had any bad crashes yet.

I think I hate them. AIBU?

OP posts:
fluffypotatoes · 29/10/2023 09:11

Why do you need mumsnet to validate your feelings here? I don't mean this in a rude way. I am wondering why it is troubling you- are you doubting your feelings?

MummyShah369 · 29/10/2023 09:11

Well maybe AIBU would be interested in having their perspective how did they get so much wealth… how did they bring you up? Maybe they feel there childcare days are done and over with hard to say as this seems like a very one sided view of them.

TeaKitten · 29/10/2023 09:12

How are they so rich if they’ve never worked? Why haven’t you reported them for drink driving? Not sure you need an AIBU to no they’re crap really.

Keeva2017 · 29/10/2023 09:12

Just here to say I’m sorry you got a raw deal. Please do consider reporting them to the police. They could take out a whole family driving drunk in an SUV.

Im sorry for you, I hope you have better friends and wider family.

VeridicalVagabond · 29/10/2023 09:13

I'm sorry you seem to have been dealt a shitty hand in the parents department OP. The drink driving alone would probably be enough for me to cut them off. They do sound dreadful.

I think all you can do is limit or cut contact and resolve to be better than them.

WandaWonder · 29/10/2023 09:13

You chose to have 3 children, if they are so terrible why would you want them around your children?

Whoopsadaisydownagain · 29/10/2023 09:14

If you hate them and they are ' abhorrent ' . Then walk away and go no contact. Simple.

Original poster
Mysteriousgirl2 · 29/10/2023 09:14

Ok @MummyShah369 here you go for the facts.

They inherited their money.
They had huge amounts of help from both sets of grandparents bringing us up.
They had nannies until my oldest sibling went to boarding school at 7.

They are in their 60s and in full health (albeit as functioning alcoholics). They could easily help if they wanted to.

OP posts:
StoneWashJeansWithAMatchingJacket · 29/10/2023 09:14

YABU to declare that they are racist homophobes who drink drive but still resent them not babysitting your kids for you “because they have loads of time” to do that. why the hell would you want these people anywhere near your children, let alone leaving them unsupervised?

Ffsnotaconference · 29/10/2023 09:15

I mean. This is complex.

Of course racist, homophobic and sexist people are awful. Do you really think anyone would disagree? Or did you just want validation?

Of course they should be drunk driving.

However, why would they have anything to do with your children? You wouldn’t allow it anyway, surely? Who lets alcoholics who drive drunk, are racist homophobic and sexist anywhere near their kids.

and why would they work if they are rich?

Dan1975 · 29/10/2023 09:15

Not unreasonable at all, but you do need to act upon the fact that they drink and drive and report them parents or not

Hobnobswantshernameback · 29/10/2023 09:15

If you hate them so much why would you want them to help with your children?

JMSA · 29/10/2023 09:15

They do sound awful, OP Flowers

TomeTome · 29/10/2023 09:16

So basically you want babysitting for free but can turn a blind eye to the rest if you get it?

I think you need to rethink

Ffsnotaconference · 29/10/2023 09:17

Mysteriousgirl2 · 29/10/2023 09:14

Ok @MummyShah369 here you go for the facts.

They inherited their money.
They had huge amounts of help from both sets of grandparents bringing us up.
They had nannies until my oldest sibling went to boarding school at 7.

They are in their 60s and in full health (albeit as functioning alcoholics). They could easily help if they wanted to.

So they come from wealthy families. Again, not shocking they didn’t work. I wouldn’t if I came from a wealthy family.

They sound shit. And they aren’t going to share their money if they have no relationship with you. Which they obviously don’t. You don’t have anything to do with them do you?

Sorry they are shit though

Chiaseedling · 29/10/2023 09:17

V scary that they drink and drive, esp an SUV.
Are they driving drunk or the day after drinking?

EightOfHearts · 29/10/2023 09:18

Mysteriousgirl2 · 29/10/2023 09:14

Ok @MummyShah369 here you go for the facts.

They inherited their money.
They had huge amounts of help from both sets of grandparents bringing us up.
They had nannies until my oldest sibling went to boarding school at 7.

They are in their 60s and in full health (albeit as functioning alcoholics). They could easily help if they wanted to.

As PP I would be very reluctant to accept their help even if they offered - what if they drunk drove your children? Or expressed their bigoted views to them? I have an aunt whose a high functioning alcoholic and would never leave my baby with her. I think you're better off avoiding but as other have said, you've been dealt a very unlucky hand there x

batsandeggs · 29/10/2023 09:18

You should consider reporting the drink driving to the police.

TeaKitten · 29/10/2023 09:19

So they didn’t even raise you and your siblings without help even though they both never worked, it’s pretty clear that they wouldn’t want to help you with your children. Why would you want alcoholic, law breaking, racist, sexist, homophobic people that you hate helping with your children?

MummyShah369 · 29/10/2023 09:22

Wow they seem to have a life of luxury did your grand parents know they are alcoholic ‘s I guess they don’t want to take care of children when they are intoxicated

Tapasita · 29/10/2023 09:22

Yeah I know some people like this too. They are horrid and I detest their antiquated, racist and completely intolerant views. They’re ugly. Money doesn’t change people’s personalities for the better OP. In fact it often has the reverse effect.

paintingvenice · 29/10/2023 09:24

It seems pretty simple that you stop seeing them if you hate them so much. Unless of course you are hanging on for the inheritance?

Brefugee · 29/10/2023 09:24

As an adult you are not entitled to help, financial or otherwise, from anyone unless they want to freely give it.

If they drive while drunk call the police.

You don't have to have contact with them or expose your children/family to them.

PastorCarrBonarra · 29/10/2023 09:25

You won’t change their views but you CAN report the drink driving next time it happens. Preferably before they wipe out an innocent life.

MummyShah369 · 29/10/2023 09:29

I think you are being AIBU as you can’t possible want to leave your kids with them! Why don’t you just maintain relationship till you get your massive inheritance then you can do what you want

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