To think that my parents are utterly abhorrent?

[Mysteriousgirl2]

They are racist, homophobic and sexist. Just generally horrible people who have no empathy or idea about the world around them. They hate all refugees and think that they ‘deserve it’

They are incredibly selfish and wealthy. They have never helped me with my three young DC even though they have never worked and have loads of time.

One of them is an alcoholic and they both drink drive all the time and have two big powerful SUVs. I don’t know how they haven’t had any bad crashes yet.

I think I hate them. AIBU?

I would go LC or NC with them.

If someone doesn’t bring anything positive to your life, then they shouldn’t be in it.

Perhaps just see them at Christmas and other occasions for now.

My mum and dad weren’t as bad as yours but they were still entitled and thought the world owed them a favour and moaned about the people coming into this country and taking their jobs etc and moaned about how difficult their lives were etc.

I went LC with them and it was funny how a few months later they were trying to make an effort with me and my DC.

I keep myself at a distance but we’re closer now than we used to be.

This is an interesting article based on research https://www.healthline.com/health-news/rich-people-drinking-more

if they are rich they can drink more and they don’t even get the consequences that poor people might get

I assume that the help you would like is financial rather than having them responsible for child care.
Report drunk driving to police.

sorry but no one forced you to have 3 children! You have no right to there time whether they are alcoholics or not! why is you partner/husband not helping you? just think, in a few years time, all that is theirs will be yours!!

Have to agree. I cut off my dad. He was an asshole and i had to back my mum up. I don't get tolerating assholes tbh.

If they barely looked after you, why on earth do you think they would want to look after their grandchildren?

They have no obligation to look after your off spring.

You seem jealous they haven't showered you with money or perks.

My parents were all those things, but not rich. Money is irrelevant really. My father killed someone whilst DUI.

What is it that you want from this post? If it's to vent, you have. If it's for people to agree that they sound abhorrent then yes I agree. You sound like you are just upset that they don't help you out with your 3 kids despite being racist, homophobic, sexist and functioning alcoholics. You would by the sounds it be willing to put that aside if they offered to babysit. In my view you are being unreasonable. I wouldn't want people like that around my 3 regardless of whether they were family or not. Tbh you don't come across as particularly pleasant yourself.

What happened to him and what kind of relationship did you/do you have with him? Did he go to prison and if so how long for?

Emotionally you aren’t being unreasonable. They don’t sound pleasant. It can be hard to be rational over family relationships especially when those relationships don’t live up to societal expectations such as a caring grandparent relationship.

All you can do is look after yourself and protect yourself from them. Rationally you know you wouldn’t want your dc around racist etc functioning alcoholics. They sound utterly toxic.

Be glad they haven't helped with your kids. They're hateful, alcoholic drink drivers.

Report the drink driving. They could easily kill someone.

Blimey - how are they wealthy having never worked?

Are they boozy aristocrats?

@Sceptre86 you come across as a reasonable and sensible person.

In truth, I’m not sure what I wanted from this post. I suppose I would be interested if anyone said that their parents are like that, but they still try and have a relationship with them.

I don’t want them near my children to be honest and I would never let them drive my children.

However, at the same time, I don’t want to be the person that damages their relationship with their grandparents.

I’m sad that they don’t help out, but also glad that I can protect my children from them. That probably doesn’t make much sense; I know it’s a bit muddled. It’s just hard/ sad when you see so many grandparents at the school gates etc and we’ve never had that.

It was the 70s he received a fine and community service... that is all. The woman he killed had kids and husband..my father should have been jailed. He never got behind the wheel again, but damage was done.
He died about 15 years ago. He was absent dad most of the time. He was a crap dad.
I wouldn't have allowed him them to care for my child..i wouldn't inflict their views on my children. I broke the chain.

So what is the real issue? The drinking, their opinions, your jealousy over their wealth or the fact that for some reason you resent these unpleasant people for not giving you free child care?

What’s prompted this? It sounds like you don’t want them spending time with you or your DC so by help you presumably mean give you money. Did you ask and they said no and now you’re realising you hate them?

You can hate their behaviour but they are still your parents. Talking therapy might help you deal with your conflicted emotions about them.

They don't sound like people you'd want your kids to be around though? They don't sound nice like. Ultimately, you don't owe them anything but you owe your kids everything. I really do get you in feeling like you 'should' let them have a relationship, but it's FOG. It's all about your kids now. Do the best for them. As for your parents, sadly, it's chickens coming home to roost now.

I’m struggling to understand why you would want them to help with your children? They sound odious. Do you really want them to expose their views to your kids?
I’m estranged from my family (different reasons - lots of abuse) and I’d suggest you should perhaps consider going down the same path if they’re as awful as you say.

PS If you know they’re drunk driving, why the heck haven’t you reported them? Do you want an accident on your conscience?

They sound abhorrent and you’ve been dealt a bad hand having them as parents.

You do sound conflicted, however, and that’s something you should seek to resolve.

I wouldn’t want horrible, sexist, racists homophobes having any responsibility for my children. And certainly not drunk drivers.

So you haven't cut them off because you're hoping to inherit?

Do you have any contact with them at all ?

Why would they want to though? Your kids not theirs.

the rest sounds pretty intolerable but I don’t know why you think they should help - almost sounds resentful that history hasn’t repeated itself. And why would you want such awful people to help?

@Mysteriousgirl2 I apologise if my post came across as harsh. I did mean for it to be blunt though. You sound similar to my cousin who had a very poor relationship with her parents through no fault of her own. The truth is your parents are that in just name. They will never be what you want them to be and are unfit to be grandparents. By keeping your children away from them you aren't doing them a disservice instead you are protecting them as any loving parent should. Becoming a parent yourself sounds like it has highlighted your own parents failings. You can try as much as you want to get them to change but people like this won't as they don't even recognise their own shortcomings. Live a happy life with your own children.