Not to understand why people who find their first child really hard and question whether they did the right thing

[Parpadew]

have a second one?

Are they hoping the second will make things easier?

They probably got pregnant mistakenly. It's REALLY hard to not get pregnant when you are fertile

I really struggled with my first... challenging baby, PND, I had twins second time round and can honestly say the first year with them was a walk in the park compared to the first year with my first ( we don't talk about the toddler years onward with them though 🤣🤣)...

Because sometimes the right thing in the long run is not the easiest thing right now.

No it's not! I had sex from 17 to 50 and only got pregnant once - the first month of trying.
Mine was awful for the first 2 years, turns out he had ASD. I wouldn't have had any more after his early years and it was definitely the right decision! He's fantastic now but hates the idea of siblings and loves his own company. I also have so much time and support I can give him as an autistic only.

You could equally ask why people who found their first relationship hard go ahead and try to meet someone else. Any relationship is different with a different person. The parenting experience is different with a different baby.

Plus humans are optimistic. A huge proportion of marriages end in divorce and we still go ahead and get married - often humans get married again if they've been divorced before.

Yes, it's a thing and yes it worked for us.

DD1 was a high needs baby who was later diagnosed with autism.

DD2 has been a joy since she arrived. I feel so privileged to know her and be her mum. She makes me a better person.

My second cured a lot of the pain of the first very difficult baby who turned out to have ASD and sensory processing disorder. I stopped blaming myself when the second turned out so different with the same parents, home etc. They are both teens now and although things are difficult at times I am so glad we went for baby number 2.

Going from 1 to 2 children was a breeze compared to DC1 on their own.

My first baby was pretty high strung and we were TIRED! It was bloody hard and we certainly argued more than we ever have done.
despite this, I wanted another baby. So did my husband 🤷‍♀️ primitive urge, hormones, whatever you want to put it down to- we just really wanted another one.
They’re totally different characters but now they’re both over 1 and the fog has lifted, they’re a delight and absolutely no regrets.
I agree, it is weird to want another baby when the first had been difficult- but I did!

Same for me,DS was no trouble at all but DD was a nightmare.

It's hard when you are having regular sex. The only reason I didn't get pregnant again after my twins is because I don't have sex😁

So many threads where op doesn't reply... 🤔

Yeah that is nonsense. It's not hard to get pregnant if you make no effort to avoid it (many women know to their chagrin) but it's very easy to avoid it with minor modifications.

I never did.I stuck at one which I did for me,dh and ds.I couldn't have gone through pnd again and put them through it.

A friend of mine has an eldest with PMLD and then had a second knowing the first was disabled. They decided to have a third so that DC2 didn't have to cope with DC1 after they are gone but couldn't have any more.

Our older one was challenging as a toddler but not massively out of the ordinary but now has more obvious SEN. We adopted his sister when he was relatively young. We were then asked if we would take the next baby after DD but we didn't want her to be a middle child even if the younger one had no obvious additional needs.
(We were also told the baby was a full sibling to DD but isn't, and the youngest's birth dad is very involved though the youngest is in foster care so that is a good outcome).

My second was unplanned and weirdly it made everything impossibly hard and then everything so much easier.

I think it gets easier because you give up on being a perfect parent. The second baby seems so much easier even if they aren't. The toddler is so time-consuming that the little baby feels like an accessory.

I actually contemplated, very very seriously, aborting DC2 because of how horrific I found the first 2years with DC1.

I was in tears the whole pregnancy, it was truly horrible but I just couldn't bring myself to abort (I'm extremely pro choice) .
And I'm so, so grateful I didn't. DC2 was so healing in so many ways. A totally different experience and made me appreciate motherhood. Repaired mt relationship with myself and made me want to live. Not just be alive, but actually live. I've always loved DC1, would due for him. But I absolutely hated motherhood, regretted having a child, felt motherhood was not for me.

YABVU OP. There's always a harder child usually... so it's just the opposite way round makes no difference really! When people say harder I don't think it lasts forever though I'd say they do outgrow that stage.

Because children, shock horror, can be… different.

My first is autistic. Do you think I should have stopped at one?

I tell my children, everything is hard the first time, but you have to do hard things.

Honestly I think this is a bit of a mad take. Most people get pregnant again when their first DC is between 1.5-4. You can't possibly know what "having children" is like when your eldest is that age. You know what having toddlers is like, sure, but you also know that a stage is just a stage. Some people are just mad about babies and really want another baby. But in my experience most people who want two children want them because they want a particular life, one that includes two do children. Two primary aged kids, two teenagers, two young adults, potential big family gatherings with lots of grandchildren in the future. Children are for life, not just for the hard baby stage. If that's what you want for your life, you won't be put off by three years of feeling tired and a bit stressed.

It's like saying to someone who has always dreamt of being a barrister "but you really struggled in your first year of law school, why are you doing the second year??". Getting through law school is tough! But also enjoyable if it's your thing and mainly done with a vision for the future.

This just seems obvious to me, and I'm someone who had wanted two children but decided to stop at one, so really not skin in the game.

Also you wouldn't believe how many family members try and talk me into having a second by saying things like "it's much easier second time round" and "you'll know what you're doing this time". THEY think it's bonkers to assume that a second one will be like the first one. In my case it's way off the mark, the main reason I don't want another is that DS is absolutely wonderful and I genuinely feel like my family is complete, I don't have any urge for anyone else now I have him. People don't usually know how to respond to that! (Also his dad is an arse but I tend not to mention that part).