To think these are correct table manners or am I just a snob??

[Justintime3]

I was raised with strict table manners, yet I have never been sat at a table with anyone who has the same table manners I do! Are these over the top?

This is what I was taught

1. Do not eat until the person who cooked sits down (excused if the chef says you can start)
2. Do not eat until everyone has their food in a restaurant (excused if the person without their food says you can start)
3. Chew with your mouth closed and do not speak with your mouth full
4. Do not take calls or use your phone at the table. Excuse yourself if you need to
5. Put your knife and fork together at the front of your plate when you are finished
6. Offer the last serving of XYZ to the table before you take it
7. Thank the person who cooked and offer to clean up
8. Elbows off the table
9. Tear bread into small chunks to eat in a restaurant, don't bite off the whole roll

10. Use cutlery correctly

• index finger on top of your knife and fork
• spoons for soup and dessert only. Spoon the soup from the farthest side of the bowl
• load food onto the back of the fork with your knife. (No 'shovelling' as my mum called it)

My mum's always been really strict on it and is the type to point out people's bad table manners so I've always followed these to a T. Thoughts? Is this over the top and I'm a snob, or are these just normal to expect?

Because of how I've been raised I can't help but be put off when I see someone without these manners.

Just keen to see how others were raised!

Surely it depends whether you offer it to the whole table or just eat it yourself.

Which is illustrative of the silliness of your post.

@Quartz2208 hence my use of quotation marks.

@Luxuria90 unfortunately the extra-prissy way is to turn the fork so that the convex surface is upwards and smush the food or pile it so you convey it to your mouth that way. I presume the food that has potential to roll off the fork is the bit that gets squashed.

Manners are necessary and ease social interaction. The op list isn’t manners

Forced etiquette and enforced servility are an imposition that have nothing to do with manners and everything to do with exclusion,class and control.
waiting to be told I can start eating,allowed to commence my meal. That's not manners control and antiquated notion of class. A forced and joyless way of eating

when I host food and serve the family inc guests and children it’s spontaneous and flows. People lean in to talk,listen and contribute yes they’ve got arms or elbow on table.No one is expected to wait upon permission to eat, food arrives eat it. No pretend dance of oh no you have it! If you like the food get stuck in,it’s a compliment, it’s there to be eaten with gusto.

No my children don’t seek permission to leave, They simply Excuse themselves. That’s it

Guests don’t need to tidy up, if they want to carry plate to kitchen ok. A guest is there for the bonhomie not to load the dishes or scrape plates.

I think it’d take me a million years to eat peas. Or I’d become mysteriously allergic…

Most of those are basic table manners to me, but some (such as which direction you move your soup spoon or exactly which location you place your cutlery when you're finished) always strike me as an exclusive code.

When I see people making a song and dance about whether cutlery together is placed at 6.30 or 6.20 I'm usually amused because it's highly likely that whilst they think they're in the club of amazing etiquette, the people from high society with all their fancy dos will be noticing all the ways that Mrs Bucket and her 6.30-only position doesn't hit all the other exclusive rules.

YANBU. What you’ve listed in your OP are basic table manners. The one that riles me up most is when people start eating a microsecond after their plate’s put in front of them rather than waiting for others to be served. Oh, and people chewing with their mouths open while talking 🤢

The back of the fork thing.

Seeing my DH trying to balance some peas on the back of the fork is painful.

And the elbows?? What is the issue with being comfortable at the table chatting while resting elbows?

And waiting for everyone to be serves yes under 6 maybe 8 people. More than that you are allowed to start

I know its polite in America to use cutlery like this. Doesn't change the fact it look fussy and wrong if you were brought up to use cutlery the British way. I'm not stupid, I understand cultural difference. I can use hands or chopsticks if that's the polite thing
There is a polite way to eat with your hands too ...

All that straight backed waiting to eat with rigid arms at side not being allowed to bite the bread…joyless

I would rather see chatter,animated diners with arms outstretched, elbows rested ,biting the bread and eating food on it’s arrival.

Thank the person who cooked and offer to clean up

Only to exceptionally close friends and / or immediate family.
It would be rude otherwise!

Tear bread into small chunks to eat in a restaurant, don't bite off the whole roll

I suppose. But does it truly matter? I usually don´t eat the bread. That seems therefore rather theoretical to me personally. And I truly don´t mind whether other people tear their bread or prefer to bite into it with gusto.😂

Raised the same way, minus the soup thing...but i do that anyway cause it just makes sense to me😂

I agree with these and have taught my children the same. Except for peas. Life’s too short to try eating peas off the back of a fork.

I fully judge people who hold their knife like a pen, though, and I’m not sorry! 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP: load food onto the back of the fork

You’ve misunderstood the sentence. The fork is the usual way up (the same shape as a spoon) but you’re using your knife to push food onto the fork not using the fork to scoop.

The back of the fork is not the usual place you would put food though, and that's what OP said.

Afraid not.

Yes these are all normal but say at home I’ll happily shovel sometimes or use a spoon for rice etc but I wouldn’t eating out or in company

The roll thing is interesting actually - I was also taught that the only correct way is to tear of small chunks and butter them.

You must not bite straight into it (as you said) but you also shouldn’t open it and butter all the inside in one go, like if you were making a sandwich.

Yes it is. A fork should be used upside down to a spoon and food put on the back, not curved up.

Like this

Apart from cutlery placement and soup, I do all of these without thinking about it, although there occasions where I will happily eat like a pig and enjoy it. There's a time and a place!

It takes years of practice to keep food on the back a fork, dontcha kno?
You stab a bit of meat add a bit of mash (not always spuds) and place your fork near the peas and use the knife to scrape, lift and plant the peas in the mash. Then live in hope that nothing falls off before it gets to your mouth. In the absence of mash, its the same but no planting of peas.
We also got around the no elbows by resting our forearms on the table. Never got told off for that.

It irritates me when people cut rolls etc. I was bought up on "break bread".

I ate out with a friend a couple of days ago, and we got talking about the whole peas on the back of a fork thing. She said yes, you are meant to mash them onto the back.

Sorry, but no. I scooped them up like a deviant and loaded them into my gob. I also didn't leave my cutlery at whatever time it is meant to be when pausing.

But we were in a Wetherspoons, and I am pretty sure no one actually gave a fuck.

Exactly as I was taught, nothing wrong with standards.

I’ve been dwelling on the whole back of the fork thing (surely not a common manner these days!) are people that insist on it eating mostly meat and two veg style meals? Because I had couscous last night and I just can’t imagine it with all those little grains! Even my egg and chips tonight.. what would I do with the beans?