To think it’s sad my ds thinks this ?

[Surprisingcomment]

Ds is 6. The last month or so he keeps asking me questions and making comments ;

‘Why don’t you have a job’
’when will you go to work?’
’Have you ever had a job? What was it?’
’my friends mums all go to work’
etc etc

ive explained to him that my job is looking after him and his siblings - asked him why he keeps asking and he said ‘because I want to know and my friends ask me and even my teacher asked once !’

He doesn’t know I also have a condition that makes working too difficult for me but that was diagnosed after I had decided to be a sahm so probably not relevant anyway .

I just feel a little sad for him that he’s getting questioned about my employment status at age 6 ! I wouldn’t have thought kids would even notice or care about these things

Sorry and I meant to add he seems sad and disappointed and that’s what the AIBU is as I don’t think at 6 he should be worrying about it !

I’m surprised he’s being asked about it. Many of the mums at my kids school work but there are also a good amount who don’t. It’s not extremely rare to be a SAHM.
It seems like an unusual question for 6yearolds to ask each other. Were they talking about work as a topic at school or something?

Kids are nosey. If you work they want to know what you do. Kids are just learning that there are loads of different types of families at this age.

I was surprised as I wasn’t expecting it at all, from what I can get out of him his friends were asking then the teacher asked ? I know that the majority of parents work as most of his class are at breakfast club as when I drop him off there’s only a few others as most have already got there at 730 am . I’m just surprised 6 year olds would even be asking this kind of thing !

Can’t you phrase it that you get to stay at home with him and his siblings and aren’t you lucky? That all of you are lucky that you are able to do it and it makes you all happy? All situations have positives and negatives and you should frame it as super positive.

It’s hardly an unusual situation, I wonder if you are just a bit sensitive about it?
I mean I remember one of my children asking a few mums in a row at school what they did and oddly, three in a rows were doctors so then I had “Mummy, are YOU a doctor too?” (Surely they’d have known if I was?!). It wasn’t something to dwell on.

Yes I tried to be positive but that was when he started asking have I ever worked ! He just looked really disappointed with me

Lots of 6 year olds wouldn't have a clue what their parents do.

It's just a question kids ask. Your job is a housewife. Tell him he is lucky that you can afford for you not to work so he gets extra time with mummy.

I just feel a little sad for him that he’s getting questioned about my employment status at age 6 !

I highly doub this has come from nowhere though, OP - kids dont notice this stuff unless it's pointed out to them so they've probably been doing a unit at school about jobs and so the teacher has asked everyone what their parents jobs are and if they didn't know they got the "homework" to ask about it.

Someone asked my DD what my job was when she was about 5 and she said my job was "being a mummy" ... Which I was, but I was also a teacher at the school she attended and she knew this as she would often come past my classroom so saw me there as well as seeing me when I was on playground/lunch duty etc but it didn't occur to her that me being at school every day was because it was my job.

he seems sad and disappointed and that’s what the AIBU is as I don’t think at 6 he should be worrying about it

Why wouldn't you ask him about this? When you see he seems sad/disappointed, have you not asked him why that is? Maybe have a chat with him to discuss all of the jobs you do as a SAHM because a lot of kids will assume SAHM = not working when actually SAHMs work just as hard as someone in a paid job, people just don't always see it as "work" as it's just "something mums do"

Just tell him what you used to do, that you stopped doing that to look after him, job done.

You could be properly honest and say that looking after the house and family is all you have energy for at the moment, and that when he and his siblings are able to help with the work you’ll be able to. Then talk about what job you’d like to do- have fun! You could be a teacher, a bus driver, a bank cashier, or a lion tamer. Do a mix of fantasy and reality.

I don't think it's that surprising he's asking. My dc are 6 and 8. They know I work and what I do, and that it means they have to do clubs they'd prefer not to. They know I'll maje every effort to attend assemblies, harvest festivals, sports days etc but they also know that sometimes I can't, because I'm at work. And kids talk. 🤷‍♀️

Why not talk to him about what you did for a job before you were a SAHM? Then you could imply you will return to the same work once they are grown.

I was very aware my mother didn't work and was very embarrassed about it. I knew from a young age that she didn't do anything - I wasn't sure what exactly my dad did, but he had a job, she did not, I don't think it's strange to know that at 6.

My DC asked me if I had a job when they were 5. I 100% do have a job, I'm an academic. Apparently it doesn't look like work to a kid. So I would say don't read too much into it.

Also now they're a bit older they ask why I can't come to this and that like to other mums. So you can't win really!

You’re confusing him by saying that looking at him and his siblings is a job. It’s not. It’s what you do but it’s not a job. It’s probably why he keeps asking. The answer is you don’t have a job, you don’t work.

At 6 DD1 thought I was a Princess because I occasionally needed to go to fancy parties in a long evening dress.

I doubt you are the only SAHM... at the very least, there must be one other on maternity leave!

Just a kid being a kid. Like this...

I don't think its unusual to ask at 6, I think its a good thing. I work with 3 to 5 yr olds and it always bugs me that some of them have no idea what their parents do all day. How can they not even ask?! I don't see how it's embarrassing OP, i was SAHM for many years and felt lucky to be so.

At that age kids learn about jobs and stuff, I remember being that age and being asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Your son is just being curious and wants to know about you. At one time I expect you had some sort of job, in high school or in your early 20s? If I was a SAHM, I'd tell my kids I got my first job when I was 16 and I worked at a petrol station. I pumped gas and cleaned car windows. Then I worked at a cafe and then at a supermarket where I worked in a deli and cut meat and cheese. 🧀 😊

He can learn a bit about you, and then tell him now I am busy working at home and caring for you and your siblings.

I wouldn't take it personally as him criticising your life decisions, he's only young and just wants to know about his parents. 💓

Tell him you’re Chief Operating Officer of 83 Acacia Avenue/whatever your address is 🤣

I'm in the same position OP. My husband and I are self employed but lucky enough to have staff so I do not need to work myself, my husband works about 5 hrs a day. I also have a health condition which reduces me to exhaustion daily and I need naps to make it through the day. Been going on almost 20 yrs. I had major surgery early on in the year and my life is turning around. Iv told our daughter I do go to work when she is at school and come home once iv collected her. She is not buying it though, she always see both of us at home mostly so she thinks she doesn't have to work when she is older 🤦🏽‍♀️

I don't think it's unusual for 3-5 year olds not to have asked. At that age they are naturally quite self centered. Some children would ask as their natural curiosity is stronger and they are starting to think about what happens when they aren't there but for lots of kids they just think about what is in front of them at that time. They're just very young still that's all. I never really thought about my parents are what they were doing while I was at school etc. I knew they worked. But I didn't really think about what they did until I was older. Definitely not at 3-5.

DD loved asking me in the primary school queue. Because I sometimes worked in prisons and she'd ask, "where are you going today Mummy?" and I'd say, "prison" to gasps. It really amused her!

I also periodically worked with fire fighters and she was never prouder than when they had a drill and I was there and knew them and introduced her.

But if I had my old job in a call centre, I doubt she'd care as much!

I’d just frame it as a positive. Being a SAHM isn’t something to be embarrassed about.

“Mum, why don’t you have a job?”

”We’re really lucky that I don’t need to have a job to pay for our house, food and (insert something important to him). That means that me and daddy got to choose whether i’d go to work or not. I chose to stay at home so that I’d have more time to do fun things with you! Not everyone makes the same choice, and that’s ok. What do you think you’d like to do when you grow up?”.