To think it’s sad my ds thinks this ?

[Surprisingcomment]

Ds is 6. The last month or so he keeps asking me questions and making comments ;

‘Why don’t you have a job’
’when will you go to work?’
’Have you ever had a job? What was it?’
’my friends mums all go to work’
etc etc

ive explained to him that my job is looking after him and his siblings - asked him why he keeps asking and he said ‘because I want to know and my friends ask me and even my teacher asked once !’

He doesn’t know I also have a condition that makes working too difficult for me but that was diagnosed after I had decided to be a sahm so probably not relevant anyway .

I just feel a little sad for him that he’s getting questioned about my employment status at age 6 ! I wouldn’t have thought kids would even notice or care about these things

I asked my mum if she was unemployed when I was older than that. She looked offended and said I have children. Well yes but we were at school all day and we had no money.

I'm a career woman and I never once thought she understood me. Happy to offer tips about work making it blatantly obvious she had no understanding of how employment works as she'd never worked herself for the last 35+ years.

I couldn't really relate to her. I never saw her with a job ever in my life and that blows my mind. My sister who also stopped she gets.

Many years ago my dd wanted to go to afterschool club and I had to explain it's not really a thing people choose to do just for fun, it's something people need if mums and dads can't pick kids up at 3pm because they're still at work. I framed it as we're lucky because I can always pick you up.

Our school offers loads of after school stuff eg coding, chess, ballet, etc. Why would that only be for dc who's parents work?

@Goodornot I really relate to this.

I asked my mum if she was unemployed when I was older than that. She looked offended and said I have children. Well yes but we were at school all day and we had no money.

Yeah people say to me you're so lucky your mum stayed home when you were little, I mean the offset was that we went without as children often- I would have personally rather than 3 meals a day and heating but there we go. She did eventually return to work and enjoyed the additional money I'm sure.

I do think children can be curious when they start to learn other children's parents do different things, not a bad thing though just point out its as important, rewarding and fulfilling for you as a paid role.

I agree @Peablockfeathers

I didn't feel so lucky that my mum never worked and was at home all the time when we were running out of food at weekends until mum collected benefits at the post office on Monday. Also was shit having the electricity run out and no money to put on the key meter.

I'd personally rather she worked and we had some decent quality of life.

My mother was home when we were poor. But she did things like buying fruit and vegetables at cheap times of year and preserving, which took days. She sewed our clothes and knitted. Women at home back then were often more industrious with that sort of thing. Now it's often cheaper just to buy the clothes and preserving is almost a lost art for many. At home doesn't mean not working hard. It's just different. I'm not surprised your Mum was insulted that you consider her unemployed.

I'm not surprised she was hurt as it sounds like you look down on her. Of course she wouldn't understand your life as a career woman, just as you don't get hers.

My mother stayed home until I was 13. Then she became a full time career woman. It sucked and has influenced my choices.

You must be older than me as I can't relate to a time when you had to put money in a meter.

I think it was different for women who are now probably in their later 60s and 70s. Many women from that generation have told me that it was just expected they would give up work when they got married and, if they didn't, that they definitely would when they were pregnant or had a child. Uniforms didn't accommodate their pregnancy so they had to stop when they couldn't fit one anymore, that sort of thing.

I think it must have been hard on the men in that time too. If the family was struggling it was all on them. Maybe the kind of judgement women experience where they can't do anything right if they work or don't work.

I may have missed this but is another parent around who does have a job? I am just curious as to whether you are struggling financially and if his little brain is processing that, you know, whether friends seem to have more than he does and he is adding two and two together if that makes sense? And I don't say that to offend I'm just curious as to whether there is another angle?

i would agree with some who have said don't confuse him by saying my job is to be here with you as he may have further questions like who's the boss lol.

I like others suggestions to speak about your choices and that you choose to be home with them and the things that that allows time for ❤️

Some people still have key meters for electric and gas!

@Goodornot it's tricky isn't it, it definitely influenced what I wanted to do when I became a parent.

There was another angle. The kids wants to go to breakfast club and eat cereal.

I'm only late 30s and this was in the 1990s we had a key meter for electric. The voice of privilege speaks...never experienced poverty then it clearly wasn't recent. Maybe educate yourself

Older buildings? That's interesting. I've never seen it.

I don't even have the option to work at the moment but will never explain to my now almost grown kids why. I don't want them to feel like a burden (some serious medical needs going on right now). I always just tell them they are more important than any job (though I told them that at times of employment too) and I prefer to be home to support them and do things with them at this time. I sure don't feel 'unemployed' as there are never enough hours in a day and this is the hardest time of my life.

Or maybe I'm in another country and it's different? Think critically.

I was always the poorest kid in my class and missed out on many things other people had. Yet I'm grateful my mother loved us and was there for us. It sucked when she did go back to work and was quite lonely.

Same to you.

You assumed I was older...60s to 70s as you couldn't envisage anyone using key meters when they're still in use to date.

Why don't you think critically also?

So I was mistaken as I haven't experienced it and it seemed old fashioned? No big deal.

I have a PhD, so am very well educated. Not my fault I can't work much at the moment but my kids do and always will come first. My career is just a job.

I should add for fairness that I do recognise that sometimes putting your kids first does make paid employment necessary. Different strokes for different families with different circumstances. Most of us are just doing our best with our own situations. I"m off to bed.

I had an electric meter in a student house, but it was a card you went to a shop with rather than coins...

I actually originally became a SAHM as the childcare costs were more than my (professional) wage. Its not always a luxury!