Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s sad my ds thinks this ?

142 replies

Surprisingcomment · 28/10/2023 17:57

Ds is 6. The last month or so he keeps asking me questions and making comments ;

‘Why don’t you have a job’
’when will you go to work?’
’Have you ever had a job? What was it?’
’my friends mums all go to work’
etc etc

ive explained to him that my job is looking after him and his siblings - asked him why he keeps asking and he said ‘because I want to know and my friends ask me and even my teacher asked once !’

He doesn’t know I also have a condition that makes working too difficult for me but that was diagnosed after I had decided to be a sahm so probably not relevant anyway .

I just feel a little sad for him that he’s getting questioned about my employment status at age 6 ! I wouldn’t have thought kids would even notice or care about these things

OP posts:
PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 28/10/2023 20:38

Surprisingcomment · 28/10/2023 20:36

Now I know why he was so disappointed 😢 I have been trying different (healthier) breakfasts since September (overnight oats, porridge, banana pancakes and breakfast muffins and a berry selection ) seems all he wants is cereal and to play games for an hour before school ! I honestly thought maybe one of the other parents had said something and their dc had picked up on it And asked ds but no he just wants to go to breakfast club 😂

Isn’t it amazing how their little brains work 😍…. That makes sense now as you said most kids are in breakfast club so he feels a little left out as everyone ( to him) is there….. lol and he wants cereal bless him

Hidingawaytoday · 28/10/2023 20:44

I'm sorry @Surprisingcomment, but your updates have made me laugh. All that angst and worry, and it turns out it's just because he wants cheerios for breakfast rather than porridge 😆. I'm glad it's sorted!

I remember my mum being really worried once that my little sister (aged 11 at the time) still believed in Santa. She didn't, she just thought she'd stop getting a stocking if my parents knew she knew he didn't exist... so she kept up the pretence that she believed for years 😆

OldBilge · 28/10/2023 20:53

I know you’ve been enlightened, but I think kids are often interested in what one another’s parents do — DS’s primary used to have parents come in and talk to Year 1 about their jobs, but the children only thought some were cool. A policewoman and a fireman were way cooler than a surgeon/architect/ academic, and DH (who was working in football, was only acceptable because he brought the club mascot in with him…)

InSpainTheRain · 28/10/2023 20:54

I think it's just a question kids ask when they start seeing their friends situations are different, so it's a discovery not a criticism. My DP was SAHD for a bit and I worked outside the home FT, one of mine said "It's really funny because Sophie's Mum stays and home and her Dad goes to work!" I don't think you should reach too much into it.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 28/10/2023 20:58

It's great the school have made breakfast club so welcoming!

kagerou · 28/10/2023 21:04

I was the same at his age. My mum was a SAHM and I hated it because it seemed like our finances were always struggling because of it whereas my friends had more. I also felt embarrassed that my friends mums had important jobs while mine did 'nothing' all day 🙃

Obviously now as an adult my view is a lot more nuanced, but at 6 things seem pretty black and white with a lot of comparing your family to others

Ohnoooooooo · 28/10/2023 21:06

It was around about the start of reception / year 1 that lots of mums who wanted to be a sahm had to go back to work for financial reasons or because their partners wanted them to - I stayed a sahm but I have a hidden disability (which these mums were not aware of) and several were very bitter that they had to work and I did not. It was very weird.

kagerou · 28/10/2023 21:07

Just saw your update about the breakfast 😂glad it's all sorted now!

tolerable · 28/10/2023 21:09

aw...my ds1 was a 90s kid-he told EVERYONE my mas an "it girl"
whats the new age equiverlant?

WrongSwanson · 28/10/2023 21:09

kagerou · 28/10/2023 21:04

I was the same at his age. My mum was a SAHM and I hated it because it seemed like our finances were always struggling because of it whereas my friends had more. I also felt embarrassed that my friends mums had important jobs while mine did 'nothing' all day 🙃

Obviously now as an adult my view is a lot more nuanced, but at 6 things seem pretty black and white with a lot of comparing your family to others

My mum was a Sahm and I have to admit I was totally oblivious to the fact other children's parents worked. But then she sent us to holiday clubs etc some of the time anyway so I think I assumed all children were just doing them because they were fun. I may have been quite a dopey child though.

I noticed it later when she got a job when I was a teenager and we had more money for stuff (we were wealthy but my dad controlled the money). But as a small child I was totally oblivious

Wellhellooooodear · 28/10/2023 21:14

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 28/10/2023 18:54

He doesn't understand that being a SAHM is a job. To him a job is a bus driver, firefighter, pilot, etc. Just tell him you don't work because you're lucky not to have to.

It's not a job, certainly when the kids are school age. It's just not.

CurlewKate · 28/10/2023 21:18

I remember my kids asking this. I explained the decision making process dp and I went through as a team and the impact it had on our family. It did help that I could tell them about the 15 year quite high powered career I had before I made the decision to take on the bulk of the childcare

PaperDoIIs · 28/10/2023 21:19

Surprisingcomment · 28/10/2023 20:36

Now I know why he was so disappointed 😢 I have been trying different (healthier) breakfasts since September (overnight oats, porridge, banana pancakes and breakfast muffins and a berry selection ) seems all he wants is cereal and to play games for an hour before school ! I honestly thought maybe one of the other parents had said something and their dc had picked up on it And asked ds but no he just wants to go to breakfast club 😂

Sounds about right Grin

iminvestednow · 28/10/2023 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PaperDoIIs · 28/10/2023 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What about after they start school?

Illbebythesea · 28/10/2023 21:27

Lol, i’m a SAHM. Kids aged 2,4 & 6. My eldest said the other week… ‘it’s not fair! I have to go to school EVERY DAY & you get to stay home and watch tv!’ 🤣🤣 I wish kid… I wish.

WrongSwanson · 28/10/2023 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I expect they aren't referring to parents of preschoolers.

And they do care for their children. Plus earning money to feed and house a child is an act of care. I was a single parent (abusive ex) the alternative for me would have been to live off benefits.

But it's great you feel so superior 👏

Crooklodge · 28/10/2023 21:30

Our (dhs best mate) friends dd kept making similar comments and attributing them to her mum who is honestly THE loveliest person ever. I finally cracked and brought it up with the parent's a couple of weeks ago.
They were absolutely horrified and had pretty harsh words with her, I had to go round and beg to get her ungrounded!

My disability isn't very obvious to a 6yo, she doesn't understand except to say "you walk funny" etc and her parents as it turned out didn't know how to explain my illness to her so kinda shrugged it off with gentle explanations. She thought me being poorly meant I'm poor. Mum had told her I just like being home with the dc as she didn't want to complicate matters by explaining to her why I'm at home 24/7.

I watched this kid and her sibling for 3 days a week for years before my youngest two went to school, then suddenly disappeared when I had my first MS flare and now she's old enough to be out playing and knocks on our two.

Autumnvibes23 · 28/10/2023 21:38

Surprisingcomment · 28/10/2023 20:21

After a little bedtime chat he got a bit tearful and said he just wants to go to breakfast club because they have cereal and so I really should get a job then he can go, and he would quite like me to be a vet 😂

Oh, bless his heart.

AmazingSnakeHead · 28/10/2023 21:40

Aw what a good resolution! I was just coming to suggest that very thing, as when my sister's daughter started school she was gutted that her mum didn't work because she wanted to go to after school club! It's famous in our family how she turned to my sister and through tears said "Why can't you just go and get a job so I can do kids club??".

Zanatdy · 28/10/2023 21:42

Surprisingcomment · 28/10/2023 20:21

After a little bedtime chat he got a bit tearful and said he just wants to go to breakfast club because they have cereal and so I really should get a job then he can go, and he would quite like me to be a vet 😂

I was going to say after reading comments I bet it’s to do with the breakfast / Afterschool club. He might think he’s missing out.

Bellyblueboy · 28/10/2023 21:42

Perfectly natural for him to ask why an adult isn’t working - what an observant and intelligent child. The majority of working age adults work.

all you need to do is explain to him your personal reasons for not working at the minute.

its great he doesn’t assume that all women should stay at home and not work. This is a great opportunity to reinforce that message while explaining about choices and sacrifices.

cadburyegg · 28/10/2023 21:42

If he's the only one in his friend group who has a sahm, it's not necessarily surprising that his friends ask him about it if they have two working parents. For them, they've been told that both mum and dad have to work so to hear that a friend has a mum who doesn't work is surprising to them. Not in a bad way, just different. When I was that age, everyone around me was surprised that my mum worked and my dad didn't. They used to ask questions about it which I hated because I didn't like being the "odd one out".

SilverGlitterBaubles · 28/10/2023 21:51

When DCs were younger they were very envious of their friends mum who was a sahm who's job was in their eyes 'making nice dinners and fairy cakes'. Grin

Sherrystrull · 28/10/2023 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I never understand this approach. I don't because I have to work. My family need money to live.

When I was on maternity leave I was able to shove a wash on, empty a dishwasher, make lunch at the time I'm about to eat it rather that the night before. These things make a massive difference to the amount of work that needs to be crammed into an evening.