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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to end things over this text?

256 replies

DoYouAgree · 27/10/2023 22:22

Been with boyfriend a year and a half.
Both have dc and live separately which I think suits us both. I can't Imagine blending families.
I feel we have a nice balance seeing each other once or twice a week.

The issue is I've felt for a long time as though he's happy enough with me but he's not with me because it's me if that makes any sense. Like I'm an easy option.

We've been on a night out tonight and I've seen his lads WhatsApp group (fyi they're all on their mid 40s) and someone has said on there 'ffs how is she with you -' and he'd replied 'chat shit, get Pussy' , I mean is that not horrible, be bad enough from a 25 year old but a 45 year old after 18 months of being together. (I'm about 6 years younger if that makes any difference to the scenario).

I've felt a lot that there's not enough affection, love etc but he's made me feel clingy:needy for ever referencing that. And I've only brought that up 3 times in a year and a half including tonight and nothings changed.

Aibu to end things over that message? I mean it's just grim but also I'm really really sad.

OP posts:
TentChristmas · 27/10/2023 22:24

That is really horrible to read I’m sorry. You can end it for any reason you won’t that he’s given you the ick, and it sounds like you’ve been questioning things and this has confirmed how he sees you unfortunately.

Boomboom22 · 27/10/2023 22:24

? The mate complimented you and he called them a pussy for chatting shit no? I don't really see what you mean?

craigth162 · 27/10/2023 22:25

Yuck that would really put me off

Didimum · 27/10/2023 22:25

Hmm. Difficult one. I was all ready to say that breaking up over text message would be unacceptable, but that’s pretty unacceptable behaviour from him. So yes, I would probably.

Indoorcatmum · 27/10/2023 22:25

Boomboom22 · 27/10/2023 22:24

? The mate complimented you and he called them a pussy for chatting shit no? I don't really see what you mean?

I think he was telling his mate that if he "chats shit" to her, he "gets pussy".

The matr asked how she's with him.

Her boyfriend basically said he chats shit to keep her and get sex

Purplecatshopaholic · 27/10/2023 22:26

Jeezo op, that’s really grim. He’d be going in the bin for that if that was me - no way would I tolerate that complete lack of respect. Yuck!

threeblowdries · 27/10/2023 22:26

Yanbu . You deserve much better than that.

Didimum · 27/10/2023 22:27

Boomboom22 · 27/10/2023 22:24

? The mate complimented you and he called them a pussy for chatting shit no? I don't really see what you mean?

Her DP meant that he ‘gets pussy by chatting shit’

craigth162 · 27/10/2023 22:27

Indoorcatmum · 27/10/2023 22:25

I think he was telling his mate that if he "chats shit" to her, he "gets pussy".

The matr asked how she's with him.

Her boyfriend basically said he chats shit to keep her and get sex

Show quote history

I took it as he was saying her chat to him is shit but he gets pussy. Sounds like thats all he wants.

Maybe he needs to clarify!

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 27/10/2023 22:28

What's ?

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 27/10/2023 22:28

He sounds like a dick, and an immature one at that. I'd get rid OP.

ManyMaybes · 27/10/2023 22:28

I don’t think I understand straight man language

Pumpkingnome · 27/10/2023 22:28

I don't think it matters what he actually meant, any meaning from that text is shit

You can do better op

StarDolphins · 27/10/2023 22:29

Ewww🤮 I would definitely bin this one. Grim.

wildwestpioneer · 27/10/2023 22:29

Urghhh he obviously has no respect for you at all.

I read it that he chats to you to get sex . Bin him over text, he doesn't deserve anything better

Username6445 · 27/10/2023 22:29

Defo bin-by-text his ass

hiddeneverythin · 27/10/2023 22:30

I think you've all had alcohol and should think/talk about it when sober

StrangeVeg · 27/10/2023 22:30

Horrible. Totally disrespectful. Also sorry but I have to ask - did the friend mean how did your soon to be ex manage to attract someone like you?

Also how did you come to see the message?

Inkyblue123 · 27/10/2023 22:32

I think you know the answer. He’s a dick.

Kittensat36 · 27/10/2023 22:33

I was dumped by email once. It was horrible, heartbreaking and gut wrenchingly painful.

You should totally dump him by text.

May I suggest "Chat's shit. No more pussy." Then block him every where.

Original poster
DoYouAgree · 27/10/2023 22:33

Exactly @TentChristmas and @Indoorcatmum that's how I've read it.

I do more of the running round as he has a young dog but if feels as though I've done more than my fair share of making the effort and drive to him ( we live 25 mins apart).

I know there's stuff that you'd vent/say to your friends that you wouldn't necessarily say to your partner but that felt so low and disrespectful.
I suppose if I saw a mate saying id want the person to either a) ignore it b) say something like yeah do you know what I don't know why she's with me but the fact he's said that just turns my stomach. He's said factually a few times that im more attractive than him but ultimately looks don't matter . You're with who you have a connection with whether that be looks/ connection/ combo of everything.

It's just confirmed what I'd thought it my darkest thoughts but he says lads WhatsApp groups are horrible and not to read anything into it . There as no hug/kiss/reassurance tho while he said that.

OP posts:
HungryandIknowit · 27/10/2023 22:33

If you were having doubts anyway with no proper response from him probably best to end it. The text is foul.

Kangaroobrain · 27/10/2023 22:33

StrangeVeg · 27/10/2023 22:30

Horrible. Totally disrespectful. Also sorry but I have to ask - did the friend mean how did your soon to be ex manage to attract someone like you?

Also how did you come to see the message?

That's what I was wondering. It could be read that the mate thinks the bf is 'punching above his weight' with OP, but bf's reply was totally immature and gross.

RichPetunia · 27/10/2023 22:39

Think more of yourself, you're worth more than settling for someone who does not give you any respect.

Original poster
DoYouAgree · 27/10/2023 22:39

Yes @StrangeVeg that's what his friend means and I've been out in before in a combo of his friends groups and they've said that a few times on different occasions as though he's definitely punching above his weight.

I've never had any negativity before in any capacity off his friends, they've all been lovely to me but it's like my boyfriend can 'take or leave' me.

And yes there's lots of nice things he does e.g good morning/good night messages. Keeping things in house he knows I like, making space for my stuff, making plans he knows I like but this message has just blown all that out of the water as though my darkest fears have come to light if you see what I mean .

OP posts: