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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adult children moving home

136 replies

TheSlowRush · 27/10/2023 11:27

Anyone struggling with readjusting to adult children moving home after Uni?

Getting up at 14:30, ditching dishes in the sink, leaving washing in the machine for days, hair all over the bathroom, eating large amounts of food.

I am done with “parenting” someone and was enjoying living alone 🙈🙈🙈🙈

OP posts:
Antst · 27/10/2023 11:37

Welp, how did you vote? They can't afford their own places because the older generations have voted again and again and again for the party that has put unearned property wealth in their pockets. You will have benefitted at their expense! Having to put up with them for a while seems like a small price to pay.

Original poster
TheSlowRush · 27/10/2023 11:40

My other two live independently.

OP posts:
00100001 · 27/10/2023 11:42

Antst · 27/10/2023 11:37

Welp, how did you vote? They can't afford their own places because the older generations have voted again and again and again for the party that has put unearned property wealth in their pockets. You will have benefitted at their expense! Having to put up with them for a while seems like a small price to pay.

There's keeping a roof over your kids head, but they don't have to be inconsiderate slobs.

TeeBee · 27/10/2023 11:44

Is the problem with them living with you or that they're still behaving like teenagers?

You need to tell them what your expectations are of them now they are adults.

AfterWeights · 27/10/2023 11:44

Not all adult offspring who move back in with parents behave like this.

Just set some rules and boundaries, if they dont like it they can move out.

Bonbon21 · 27/10/2023 11:45

Treat them like a flatmate... division of bills, chores, shopping etc..

And if you dont like it/ they dont keep to the rules... they move on/out.

YOUR HOUSE = YOUR RULES!!

ilovesooty · 27/10/2023 11:46

00100001 · 27/10/2023 11:42

There's keeping a roof over your kids head, but they don't have to be inconsiderate slobs.

Show quote history

Exactly. However that poster continues to push her tiresome agenda at every opportunity. You can welcome your children home but everyone should respect the house in which they live.

ilovesooty · 27/10/2023 11:48

Antst · 27/10/2023 11:37

Welp, how did you vote? They can't afford their own places because the older generations have voted again and again and again for the party that has put unearned property wealth in their pockets. You will have benefitted at their expense! Having to put up with them for a while seems like a small price to pay.

Give it a rest.

This is nothing to do with basic disrespect in the household.

Antst · 27/10/2023 11:48

00100001 · 27/10/2023 11:42

There's keeping a roof over your kids head, but they don't have to be inconsiderate slobs.

Show quote history

So true. If only those who raised them could have kept that in mind.

Antst · 27/10/2023 11:49

ilovesooty · 27/10/2023 11:46

Exactly. However that poster continues to push her tiresome agenda at every opportunity. You can welcome your children home but everyone should respect the house in which they live.

Show quote history

Sorry it's so tiresome to point out that they probably wish they could afford their own housing.

Original poster
TheSlowRush · 27/10/2023 11:51

This is NOT how he was raised. My other two are not like this at all, I don’t think 3 years at uni living like a slob have helped.

I have laid down ground rules etc, I am just so tired of it. I brought three up alone and was finally enjoying my freedom, only to have to become a tiresome nag 🙈🙈🙈

OP posts:
bullseyeboat · 27/10/2023 11:51

AfterWeights · 27/10/2023 11:44

Not all adult offspring who move back in with parents behave like this.

Just set some rules and boundaries, if they dont like it they can move out.

This. Mine never behaved like that as teens never mind adults.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 27/10/2023 11:52

Antst · 27/10/2023 11:49

Sorry it's so tiresome to point out that they probably wish they could afford their own housing.

Show quote history

Even the mighty boomers didn't tend to buy a property straight from Uni, the few that actually went that is.
Most stayed at home until they got married.

Gerrataere · 27/10/2023 11:55

Antst · 27/10/2023 11:49

Sorry it's so tiresome to point out that they probably wish they could afford their own housing.

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So how long have you worked for Keir? Did he promise you that you can afford your own house if you bother Mumsnet with politics at every irrelevant opportunity?

Antst · 27/10/2023 11:59

Gerrataere · 27/10/2023 11:55

So how long have you worked for Keir? Did he promise you that you can afford your own house if you bother Mumsnet with politics at every irrelevant opportunity?

Show quote history

Politics? It just goes to show how how different the world is for people like you that you can dismiss this situation that way and the OP seems unaware of why she still has adult offspring at home.

These adults are living at home because they can't afford their own housing. This is not at all an unusual situation. It affects nearly everyone under 40. Yet here's a parent who seems confused.

Don't like it? Don't vote for it.

Gerrataere · 27/10/2023 11:59

TheSlowRush · 27/10/2023 11:51

This is NOT how he was raised. My other two are not like this at all, I don’t think 3 years at uni living like a slob have helped.

I have laid down ground rules etc, I am just so tired of it. I brought three up alone and was finally enjoying my freedom, only to have to become a tiresome nag 🙈🙈🙈

You’re not a nag, not wanting put up with slobby behaviour isn’t nagging. But it has to be nipped in the bud otherwise he’s going to make someone an awful husband one day, if he gets as far as married. Dump all his rubbish on his bed, don’t wash his clothes as that’s his problem, he needs to be told clear as day that he is an adult and adults look after themselves and the space they live in.

Gerrataere · 27/10/2023 12:01

Antst · 27/10/2023 11:59

Politics? It just goes to show how how different the world is for people like you that you can dismiss this situation that way and the OP seems unaware of why she still has adult offspring at home.

These adults are living at home because they can't afford their own housing. This is not at all an unusual situation. It affects nearly everyone under 40. Yet here's a parent who seems confused.

Don't like it? Don't vote for it.

Show quote history

Maybe get Keir to buy you glasses as well, the op is annoyed that her adult child is behaving like a lazy teen, not bemoaning him being at home at all. Affordable housing is not the issue here, take your canvassing elsewhere.

Antst · 27/10/2023 12:02

Gerrataere · 27/10/2023 12:01

Maybe get Keir to buy you glasses as well, the op is annoyed that her adult child is behaving like a lazy teen, not bemoaning him being at home at all. Affordable housing is not the issue here, take your canvassing elsewhere.

Show quote history

Um, the OP raised these people. Affordable housing is why she has to deal with the consequences of her parenting.

JudgeJ · 27/10/2023 12:03

Antst · 27/10/2023 11:37

Welp, how did you vote? They can't afford their own places because the older generations have voted again and again and again for the party that has put unearned property wealth in their pockets. You will have benefitted at their expense! Having to put up with them for a while seems like a small price to pay.

No Brexit? You just miss Bingo!

ilovesooty · 27/10/2023 12:04

Antst · 27/10/2023 12:02

Um, the OP raised these people. Affordable housing is why she has to deal with the consequences of her parenting.

Show quote history

Her other two children live independently - she said so. She came for help and to vent about a personal issue, not to be subjected to a political perspective.

Gerrataere · 27/10/2023 12:06

Antst · 27/10/2023 12:02

Um, the OP raised these people. Affordable housing is why she has to deal with the consequences of her parenting.

Show quote history

I recognise you now, from the University thread. You have a huge chip in your shoulder about older generations and very little skill in discourse. I can take a guess at why you see things in a very black and white manner but it’s not particularly relevant to this thread, much like your opinions on the housing crisis…

OhComeOnFFS · 27/10/2023 12:06

I think you have to sit him down and say, "This isn't working out for me. I'm used to living on my own and have a lovely home. Now you've come back and you are making me hate my own home. Of course you're welcome to stay but if you make me unhappy here then you'll have to leave. That means cleaning up after yourself - to my standards - contributing towards bills, not eating everything in the fridge that I have bought, and getting up first thing in the morning. If you can't do that you'll have to find your own place. Good luck with that."

MintJulia · 27/10/2023 12:07

Time to make home a little less comfortable.

If they wish to stay, they need to do their share so create a housework and cooking rota. Charge them 40% of their earnings or 75% of their dole to help cover their costs.

And don't tip toe around if they sleep in. Feel free to hoover outside their bedroom door at 9am. Why are they sleeping in anyway? Presumably their degree finished months ago, so they can't still be tired. They should be up and looking for a job.

This is your house, and they need to learn some manners if they don't already.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/10/2023 12:10

If you're allowing them to live like a slob in your home, that's on you.

CranfordScones · 27/10/2023 12:10

Antst · 27/10/2023 11:37

Welp, how did you vote? They can't afford their own places because the older generations have voted again and again and again for the party that has put unearned property wealth in their pockets. You will have benefitted at their expense! Having to put up with them for a while seems like a small price to pay.

It's nothing to do with how you vote. What specific economic policies would Labour have done differently? There's no evidence to suggest that Labour would have built more houses (which is the real problem) or reduced net migration.

We've had several decades of very cheap money because we've been importing deflation from China. The Bank of England's Monetery Policy Committee sets interest rates independent from government. It was set up that way under Tony Blair's government - just 5 days after he came to power.

And if you look at similar economies, they've all performed in the same way regardless of the political hue of the governing party.