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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adult children moving home

136 replies

TheSlowRush · 27/10/2023 11:27

Anyone struggling with readjusting to adult children moving home after Uni?

Getting up at 14:30, ditching dishes in the sink, leaving washing in the machine for days, hair all over the bathroom, eating large amounts of food.

I am done with “parenting” someone and was enjoying living alone 🙈🙈🙈🙈

OP posts:
Anderson2018 · 29/10/2023 14:20

You need to teach them to tidy up, otherwise they are not going to be a very popular flat mate at uni!

toomuchfaff · 30/10/2023 17:58

wow... assuming much. Assuming that OP owns property, assuming that OP has benefitted from selling property, insinuating that OP has contributed to the tangent you've gone off on one...

You might want to give your shoulder a wipe, there seems to be a mahoosive chip there ..

1mabon · 31/10/2023 14:12

Don't enable it further. Tell them to tidy up, do their own washing and ironing,
and help with cooking, or tell them to find other lodgings pdq.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 31/10/2023 14:15

Antst · 27/10/2023 11:37

Welp, how did you vote? They can't afford their own places because the older generations have voted again and again and again for the party that has put unearned property wealth in their pockets. You will have benefitted at their expense! Having to put up with them for a while seems like a small price to pay.

Come on, ducky. Virtually no one in previous generations walked out of uni and into a owned flat/ house of their own! My first place after two degrees and with a decent graduate trainee job was a small room in a shared flat which was heated by a single bar gas fire ( no cardboxes though!)

RBees · 31/10/2023 16:16

😂

Menomave · 31/10/2023 18:37

Our daughter moved back in from Uni last year. Her elder sister can't afford to move out and spends most of her time here with her boyfriend these days So we went from a quiet house with just us two, cheap takeaways, cheap meals out, fairly tidy house, less washing, lower bills, to at least 4 or 5 adults here most of the time with all the extra expense. Knock on effect is we also can't afford the holidays and time away we'd like to take at our time of life.

I myself moved out when I was 21 but kids can't afford it these days, much as they'd love to. I've recently insisted on both girls paying lodge (not much but it's the principle) and I'm always seen to be nagging them to clean up after themselves. My opinion being 'if they just did it; I wouldn't have to nag!'

It is what it is, it's not their fault, I'm resigned to it now 😂

Zoda8 · 01/11/2023 00:26

Dogs and kids are for life, not just for Christmas (or 18 years). Chronological age is of no help here I’m afraid. I would demand help with every task you undertake from 2.30 until you go to bed. If he works out that you mean it, he will work out that him being useful frees you up to help out, instead of standing over him. I would back this up with the threat of move out if you refuse. I wouldn’t try to dictate bedtimes - it’s too hard, which means wake up times will stay as they are - you can’t get a job for him. Maybe buy food as and when you need it, and ask him to contribute to the cost from his Jobseeker’s Allowance. Bummer I know, but the alternative is carry on as you are.

Honeychickpea · 01/11/2023 02:27

Itsgettingweirdnow · 27/10/2023 12:54

WOAH!! Whats going on on mumsnet?? So many hostile replies?? Op, just have a chat with your child and explain what your expectations are now they are back home. Also give them an opportunity to tell YOU what their expectations are. Then reach an agreement. As you said they are an adult, so you have to treat them as such. Good luck x

He's not a child.

myopinionmatters · 01/11/2023 02:31

They probably learned this slob behaviour from other friends at uni unfortunately you have to get it out of them. I would be upset as well and who gets up at 14.30 unless they are hungover

Exasperated1971 · 09/04/2024 07:08

Quick rundown:
I live with my partner whilst my adult son (23) lives alone in my house a few miles away. He is a uni student and pays me minimum rent everytime he gets his student loan. I pay for rest of bills. He is very difficult to live with.
my daughter (22) lives 100 miles away at uni also. Her and her brother do not get on AT ALL. She comes back for a few days during breaks and stays in my house with her brother. Yesterday he had a massive meltdown because she used ‘his’ bowl. I spent N hour calming him down, I’ve never seen him so upset. He said she’s impossible to live with. I honestly can’t see how, she speaks her mind but so does he. They both say I treat each differently - if I’m being honest I get on much better with my daughter, and it breaks my heart to see her upset. She says she feels she has no home when she comes back from uni. She can stay with me and my partner for. Few days here and there but his flat is very small. ( I can’t swap with my son as it’s too far from our work and also it’s against our tenancies). I am torn in all directions and affecting my mental health.

stomachamelon · 09/04/2024 11:51

@Exasperated1971 I know it's difficult but you need to read him the riot act and mean it. It's not fair on your daughter that she feels she can't come home and everyone is walking on egg shells. Do you move back in when they are both back?
By virtue although you get on better with your daughter you are treating your son with kid gloves and giving him preferential treatment. If he wants to live alone perhaps it's time he moved out?

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