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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cultural manners

307 replies

anareen · 27/10/2023 04:58

Having a discussion/debate

Is it rude for DC to say "what" when you call them?
I think it is. I teach DC to respond with "yes" when called. I grew up in Hispanic culture. Possibly this is a factor?

What are others input? Do you teach DC something along the same lines?

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:50

@Chickenkeev

Ok, so it appears that saying posh things makes one seem less posh then

Basically. Unless you really know what you're talking about and can style it out with the estate and 300 year old furniture that goes with it all, it looks really naff.

A good rule of thumb is that any word which has a whiff of "aspiration" about it is to be avoided at all costs. It's vulgar to talk about money but its even more vulgar to look as if you are trying to improve your social status.

Also the sorts of words which companies use to promote themselves to an aspirational customer base are considered desperately naff by these people.

Premiere
Exclusive
Suite
Vintage (unless literally true)

etc etc.

Also trying to use non English words with the appropriate accent.

I used to live next door to a family of aristocrats fallen on hard times and their main leisure activity was sneering at stuff like this.

Findyourneutralspace · 27/10/2023 17:53

Where do we stand on ‘loo’?

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 17:54

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:50

@Chickenkeev

Ok, so it appears that saying posh things makes one seem less posh then

Basically. Unless you really know what you're talking about and can style it out with the estate and 300 year old furniture that goes with it all, it looks really naff.

A good rule of thumb is that any word which has a whiff of "aspiration" about it is to be avoided at all costs. It's vulgar to talk about money but its even more vulgar to look as if you are trying to improve your social status.

Also the sorts of words which companies use to promote themselves to an aspirational customer base are considered desperately naff by these people.

Premiere
Exclusive
Suite
Vintage (unless literally true)

etc etc.

Also trying to use non English words with the appropriate accent.

I used to live next door to a family of aristocrats fallen on hard times and their main leisure activity was sneering at stuff like this.

I am pissing (urinating?) myself laughing here! It's all v interesting but utterly ridiculous! I don't think we have this in Ireland, but maybe i don't mix in the right circles 😅

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:56

@Chickenkeev

I am pissing (urinating?) myself laughing here! It's all v interesting but utterly ridiculous! I don't think we have this in Ireland, but maybe i don't mix in the right circles 😅

It really is utterly ludicrous and the more I recall about how much I know about this sort of shit the more depressed I become!

I think you all dodged a bullet there...

(Stick to pissing btw)

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 18:00

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:56

@Chickenkeev

I am pissing (urinating?) myself laughing here! It's all v interesting but utterly ridiculous! I don't think we have this in Ireland, but maybe i don't mix in the right circles 😅

It really is utterly ludicrous and the more I recall about how much I know about this sort of shit the more depressed I become!

I think you all dodged a bullet there...

(Stick to pissing btw)

I shall indeed stick to pissing myself laughing. In the bed chamber. channels Mrs Bennet in Pride and Prejudice

Barbadossunset · 27/10/2023 18:01

I used to live next door to a family of aristocrats fallen on hard times and their main leisure activity was sneering at stuff like this.

Thepeopleversus why had they fallen on hard times?

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 18:01

Predjudice? Or prejudice? I could google i know. They both look wrong!

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 27/10/2023 18:02

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:50

@Chickenkeev

Ok, so it appears that saying posh things makes one seem less posh then

Basically. Unless you really know what you're talking about and can style it out with the estate and 300 year old furniture that goes with it all, it looks really naff.

A good rule of thumb is that any word which has a whiff of "aspiration" about it is to be avoided at all costs. It's vulgar to talk about money but its even more vulgar to look as if you are trying to improve your social status.

Also the sorts of words which companies use to promote themselves to an aspirational customer base are considered desperately naff by these people.

Premiere
Exclusive
Suite
Vintage (unless literally true)

etc etc.

Also trying to use non English words with the appropriate accent.

I used to live next door to a family of aristocrats fallen on hard times and their main leisure activity was sneering at stuff like this.

What about crudités to rhyme with Luddites? It always strikes me as trying too hard but perhaps someone really posh could bring it off all right?

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 18:05

Barbadossunset · 27/10/2023 18:01

I used to live next door to a family of aristocrats fallen on hard times and their main leisure activity was sneering at stuff like this.

Thepeopleversus why had they fallen on hard times?

Most aristocrats have fallen on hard times in relative standards. Most of them got wiped out in WW1 and then the great crash.

(I say "hard times"... they weren't living on benefits or anything. Had what most people would see as a solid middle class life. But if you've previously had a Country Seat and a Kensington townhouse etc, a cottage in the countryside is a bit of a comedown).

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 18:11

@WhatWouldJeevesDo

What about crudités to rhyme with Luddites? It always strikes me as trying too hard but perhaps someone really posh could bring it off all right?
I don't think anyone really posh would eat or say crudites though.

LOL at "cruddites". I might give that one a whirl.

I don't think anyone really posh would either eat or say crudites though. That's v middle class.

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 18:13

Findyourneutralspace · 27/10/2023 17:53

Where do we stand on ‘loo’?

Loo is fine. Lavatory is best but loo is much better than toilet.

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 18:16

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 18:13

Loo is fine. Lavatory is best but loo is much better than toilet.

Show quote history

Loo is rougher than toilet!

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 18:19

@Chickenkeev

Loo is rougher than toilet!

Yes but that's the point. Loo isn't "aspirational". Good old-fashioned, no nonsense word. "Toilet" sounds like something a marketing manager for Armitage Shanks dreamed up in the 50s after spending a couple of weeks in France. Big faux pas.

Thunderbox is probably even better than lavatory. Stealth army boast and shows you don't care about what the plebs think of you.

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 18:20

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 18:19

@Chickenkeev

Loo is rougher than toilet!

Yes but that's the point. Loo isn't "aspirational". Good old-fashioned, no nonsense word. "Toilet" sounds like something a marketing manager for Armitage Shanks dreamed up in the 50s after spending a couple of weeks in France. Big faux pas.

Thunderbox is probably even better than lavatory. Stealth army boast and shows you don't care about what the plebs think of you.

I'm totally confused!

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 27/10/2023 18:20

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 18:19

@Chickenkeev

Loo is rougher than toilet!

Yes but that's the point. Loo isn't "aspirational". Good old-fashioned, no nonsense word. "Toilet" sounds like something a marketing manager for Armitage Shanks dreamed up in the 50s after spending a couple of weeks in France. Big faux pas.

Thunderbox is probably even better than lavatory. Stealth army boast and shows you don't care about what the plebs think of you.

Loo does seem aspirational to me.

ThanksItHasPockets · 27/10/2023 18:20

This thread has given me flashbacks to gigs in the 2010s full of Adam and Joe fans shouting ‘Stephen?!’

NewFriendlyLadybird · 27/10/2023 18:25

Kate Fox, Watching the English is good on updated class nuances, pub etiquette and why the English take so long to say ‘goodbye’. It’s all in there and a reassuring read if you’re anything but anxious lower middle class.

herownworstenemy · 27/10/2023 18:26

We "sorry?", "sorry, what?" or "what?" here. Depends on who it is and context, tone of voice matters. If someone calls your name its "yes". Its all my DParent's fault but pardon sounds odd to me, a bit like people shoehorning in 'yourselves' and 'myself' instead of just saying you and me.

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 18:27

@Chickenkeev

I'm totally confused!

Basically; the more "genteel" you sound, the less posh you sound. So any word which sounds as if it is intended to make you sound "proper" or "respectable" or upwardly mobile or has a hint of a French background is usually a no no.

Toilet is a particular no no mainly because its a French-derived words which is used to apply a veneer of gentility onto a normal element of life.

Someone posted upthread about this: words which derive from French are associated with people giving themselves airs and graces (with the implication being that these are "above their station". Which is why "serviette" and "pardon" are also big fails.

As a side point though: something being "rough" doesn't necessarily make it less posh. Sometimes (usually even) the more common, vernacular word is more acceptable to the UCs than the "gentrified" version.

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 27/10/2023 18:28

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 18:19

@Chickenkeev

Loo is rougher than toilet!

Yes but that's the point. Loo isn't "aspirational". Good old-fashioned, no nonsense word. "Toilet" sounds like something a marketing manager for Armitage Shanks dreamed up in the 50s after spending a couple of weeks in France. Big faux pas.

Thunderbox is probably even better than lavatory. Stealth army boast and shows you don't care about what the plebs think of you.

I believe ‘closet’ is still the correct word in the sanitaryware industry.

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 18:30

@WhatWouldJeevesDo

the sanitaryware industry.

LOL.

Sounds like you have skin in the game here....

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 18:31

I'm never leaving the house again! I'm dreadful. This has been totally eye opening though, thanks PPs!

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 27/10/2023 18:32

As a pp has said, tone is everything.

I wouldn't be even slightly bothered if I said my dd's name and she responded "what", but this is in the context of a very good relationship between us and communication that is generally respectful and considerate on both sides. I literally wouldn't think anything of it.

However, I can imagine that a snappy, annoyed "what" from a disinterested kid who doesn't want to be bothered with whatever you have to say could come across as very rude. But equally, wouldn't a snappy "yes" be almost as bad?

As for "pardon", I was taught not to say this when I was younger as it was considered "vulgar". "What" was considered too rude if you had misheard someone, so the "correct" response was "sorry". However, I think "what" would have been tolerated more than "pardon" in our house!

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 18:33

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 18:31

I'm never leaving the house again! I'm dreadful. This has been totally eye opening though, thanks PPs!

Screw them all. Seriously. Why would you waste your life worrying about where people think you sit in an arbitrary and hidebound set of class signifiers?

Particularly because the more you worry about it the more it will show.

The great thing about being alive today is that we can all laugh at it. 100 years ago this sort of thing would be a serious issue.

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 18:37

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 18:33

Screw them all. Seriously. Why would you waste your life worrying about where people think you sit in an arbitrary and hidebound set of class signifiers?

Particularly because the more you worry about it the more it will show.

The great thing about being alive today is that we can all laugh at it. 100 years ago this sort of thing would be a serious issue.

Show quote history

Tbf i was joking. And i don't leave the house anyway so it's not a major imposition 🤣 i really am astounded that pardon is common though. Mind blown altogether!