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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cultural manners

307 replies

anareen · 27/10/2023 04:58

Having a discussion/debate

Is it rude for DC to say "what" when you call them?
I think it is. I teach DC to respond with "yes" when called. I grew up in Hispanic culture. Possibly this is a factor?

What are others input? Do you teach DC something along the same lines?

OP posts:
Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 17:12

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:10

No it really isn't. It's the opposite of posh. it marks you out as being overly concerned about your own social status, which is a classic signifier of being lower middle class.

I happen to think this is all bullshit btw... but an aristocrat or someone from old money would never say "pardon".

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JFC! Really? I totally did not know that. I never say it so hopefully my 'old money' is waiting in the wings for me somewhere 🤣

Original poster
anareen · 27/10/2023 17:13

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 17:08

Can someone explain about 'pardon' being objectionable? I genuinely thought it was posh!

I am curious as well. Even though this isn't the reason for my post at all 🤣

I have used it a time or two, quite literally. I tend to use "I'm sorry"? In that context.

OP posts:
Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 17:16

anareen · 27/10/2023 17:13

I am curious as well. Even though this isn't the reason for my post at all 🤣

I have used it a time or two, quite literally. I tend to use "I'm sorry"? In that context.

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We're all learning today aren't we! I'm not British but MC, thought i was au fait with such things but clearly not! It's all v interesting though isn't it!

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:18

@Chickenkeev

JFC! Really? I totally did not know that. I never say it so hopefully my 'old money' is waiting in the wings for me somewhere 🤣

LOL. I'm also counting on this with my potty mouth.

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 17:20

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:18

@Chickenkeev

JFC! Really? I totally did not know that. I never say it so hopefully my 'old money' is waiting in the wings for me somewhere 🤣

LOL. I'm also counting on this with my potty mouth.

We're all gonna be rich 🤣🤣🤣

CurlewKate · 27/10/2023 17:22

@Thepeopleversuswork "LOL. I'm also counting on this with my potty mouth."

Proper swearing is also posh. Euphemisms of all sorts are super common!

ManchesterLu · 27/10/2023 17:22

I think it's all about how you say things, rather than the words you use.

Original poster
anareen · 27/10/2023 17:22

@Chickenkeev

I am glad I could contribute in a positive manner! I can't take all the thanks tho 😊

OP posts:
WhatWouldJeevesDo · 27/10/2023 17:24

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:18

@Chickenkeev

JFC! Really? I totally did not know that. I never say it so hopefully my 'old money' is waiting in the wings for me somewhere 🤣

LOL. I'm also counting on this with my potty mouth.

Not necessarily. There was always quite a strong working-class contempt for the middle class from my parents when I was growing up, As in “we know what they think of us, but they don’t know what we think of them’.
We all said ‘what’.

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 17:25

anareen · 27/10/2023 17:22

@Chickenkeev

I am glad I could contribute in a positive manner! I can't take all the thanks tho 😊

I am very much (f) enjoying this thread. And having an otherwise massively crappy day. So thank you very very much!

Original poster
anareen · 27/10/2023 17:25

@Chickenkeev

Yes! Also, I am not British either but I am pleased with the turn things took on this thread! 😄

OP posts:
Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 17:26

My blocked out swear got turned into (f)! Wtf is that?

JamSandle · 27/10/2023 17:27

Considered rude according to my upbringing too.

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:29

@WhatWouldJeevesDo

Not necessarily. There was always quite a strong working-class contempt for the middle class from my parents when I was growing up, As in “we know what they think of us, but they don’t know what we think of them’.
We all said ‘what’.

Yes but the distinction here is not between upper class and working class, it's been upper class (or upper middle class) and lower middle class. These are the people who the UCs don't want to be associated with. Not the working classes.

I know how ridiculous I sound btw: this isn't a mantra I personally live by. But if you read the Nancy Mitford era stuff this is what they were all preoccupied with. The poshos were much more comfortable among the horny handed sons of toil than among the antimacassar and net curtain brigade.

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:30

@CurlewKate

Proper swearing is also posh. Euphemisms of all sorts are super common!

Absolutely. There's a thread running at the moment about people who say "fudge" and "sugar" instead of fuck and shit. Toe-curlingly embarrassing. I have to leave the room when people do this sort of thing.

Spirro · 27/10/2023 17:31

CurlewKate · 27/10/2023 17:12

@Chickenkeev It's just that words derived from French were considered less posh than words derived from Anglo Saxon/English. Middle class people adopted the French words to make themselves SOUND posh, but it just gave the upper classes more things to look down on them for. There are always rules of clubs-the more arcane the better.

Hence why some of us were taught not to say words like pardon, serviette, toilet, lounge, etc. I don’t think this is taught as widely nowadays though?

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:33

@Spirro

pardon, serviette, toilet, lounge

Shudder....

I'm hugely downwardly mobile and I reject almost all forms of snobbery but I still die inside when people say "serviette".

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 17:37

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:33

@Spirro

pardon, serviette, toilet, lounge

Shudder....

I'm hugely downwardly mobile and I reject almost all forms of snobbery but I still die inside when people say "serviette".

Serviette is just normal though? hides

shockwaze · 27/10/2023 17:40

AfterWeights · 27/10/2023 05:20

If you mishear and need someone to repeat themselves then my children know that ‘what’ is more polite than ‘pardon’.

It's the opposite! I was always taught "don't say what say pardon". My experience is these finer specifics are considered less important among younger people, almost a bit Hyacinth Bucket.

You're wrong! That saying is also wrong

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 17:41

I don't really know what a 'lounge' is though. Asked H and he explained they had the sitting room and the 'good room'. When i was growing up we had the sitting room and the study. Not a lounge to be seen!

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:43

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 17:41

I don't really know what a 'lounge' is though. Asked H and he explained they had the sitting room and the 'good room'. When i was growing up we had the sitting room and the study. Not a lounge to be seen!

We also had a "sitting room". My mum desperately tried to get us to call it the "drawing room" but that didn't catch on.

"Living room" was just about tolerated. She would have handed us over to an orphanage if we'd said "lounge".

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 17:45

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:39

Ok, so it appears that saying posh things makes one seem less posh then 🤨 i'm familiar with the concept of old money never discussing money, but wasn't aware of this. So much to learn!!!

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 17:45

Also 'desperately vulgar' is so wonderfully posh 🤣

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 17:47

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 17:43

We also had a "sitting room". My mum desperately tried to get us to call it the "drawing room" but that didn't catch on.

"Living room" was just about tolerated. She would have handed us over to an orphanage if we'd said "lounge".

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This made me lol so much! Thank you!