Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cultural manners

307 replies

anareen · 27/10/2023 04:58

Having a discussion/debate

Is it rude for DC to say "what" when you call them?
I think it is. I teach DC to respond with "yes" when called. I grew up in Hispanic culture. Possibly this is a factor?

What are others input? Do you teach DC something along the same lines?

OP posts:
ChocolateCinderToffee · 27/10/2023 15:28

AfterWeights · 27/10/2023 05:20

If you mishear and need someone to repeat themselves then my children know that ‘what’ is more polite than ‘pardon’.

It's the opposite! I was always taught "don't say what say pardon". My experience is these finer specifics are considered less important among younger people, almost a bit Hyacinth Bucket.

In Bridget Jones's Diary, she was told 'don't say what say pardon' and I've always taken it as showing that Bridget is not very well brought up.

'What' is more acceptable than 'pardon'.

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 15:29

I would have been shot for saying "pardon"? as a child. My mum thought it was common. They would far prefer what to pardon.

Original poster
anareen · 27/10/2023 15:33

CurlewKate · 27/10/2023 15:27

But if called a child, I would expect the response "Coming!"

Yes! Thank you for reminding me! I was taught this as a child also. I don't raise my voice with DC so I am usually in close proximity. Also, our house is rather smaller. In the rarer occasions we are farther apart I will remind them of this. Thank you!

OP posts:
Dramatic · 27/10/2023 15:34

I have a friend who won't let her son say "what" when she calls him, she corrects him to "pardon" which totally doesn't work in that context and makes no sense

I think what or yes when being called is fine

ampel · 27/10/2023 15:34

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 14:58

I'd consider it to be a bit informal. It only takes one dickhead to cause hassle for you when you're in your probation period. So imo best to behave beyond reproach at the start.

Show quote history

You’d have a better case against the person complaining that you’d said what than they’d have against you!

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 27/10/2023 15:35

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 15:29

I would have been shot for saying "pardon"? as a child. My mum thought it was common. They would far prefer what to pardon.

It's fascinating. Such very different views
I'd never heard of pardon being frowned up. Evidently must be common as muck.

I can't see how what can possibly ever be polite, it just feels so abrupt, rude and arrogant

Original poster
anareen · 27/10/2023 15:36

Dramatic · 27/10/2023 15:34

I have a friend who won't let her son say "what" when she calls him, she corrects him to "pardon" which totally doesn't work in that context and makes no sense

I think what or yes when being called is fine

That is rather odd. Interesting

OP posts:
1990thatsme · 27/10/2023 15:36

So if you are so close to them, why are you just calling their name? I am having trouble imagining this.

I might say “Satan, can you finish up that game, we need to get ready to go to church” but I wouldn’t just say “Satan” when they are right next to me.

chandellina · 27/10/2023 15:39

Hilarious debate. I (from another culture) was taught what. Then our nanny taught my children to say pardon. I think in practice we all tend to say "yes?" now, maybe what or pardon slips through sometimes, but a pleasant tone of voice goes a long way in what-land.

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 15:41

My lack of finishing school is biting me on the arse it appears 🤣

chandellina · 27/10/2023 15:41

Also - if anyone could weigh in - I've noticed I often say to people "say it again?" and I have no idea if this is really offensive or not. Not trying to be offensive, just literally want them to say it again.

Original poster
anareen · 27/10/2023 15:41

Butchyrestingface · 27/10/2023 09:00

I think it's rude to pick up a phone and say ¿diga? but clearly the Spanish don't agree with me. Grin

Cringe! Would NEVER!

OP posts:
cartagenagina · 27/10/2023 15:41

You’re welcome.

Cultural manners
Laurdo · 27/10/2023 15:42

CurlewKate · 27/10/2023 15:26

" I can imagine in posher areas like Morningside and places in the Highlands "pardon" would be said"

No it wouldn't. Posh Scots would say "What?" Just like posh English people!

Unposh people wouldn't say pardon either. Like I said, I have no idea who is saying pardon on Scotland because I've never heard it. 🤣

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 15:43

ampel · 27/10/2023 15:34

You’d have a better case against the person complaining that you’d said what than they’d have against you!

Show quote history

So it seems! Every day's a school day etc!

Original poster
anareen · 27/10/2023 15:43

1990thatsme · 27/10/2023 15:36

So if you are so close to them, why are you just calling their name? I am having trouble imagining this.

I might say “Satan, can you finish up that game, we need to get ready to go to church” but I wouldn’t just say “Satan” when they are right next to me.

I tend to address DC then expect to be acknowledged then go on with what I intend....... 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
OneTC · 27/10/2023 15:44

In the what/pardon/sorry category I go with eh?

1990thatsme · 27/10/2023 15:45

I think maybe that’s the cultural difference as I suspect most British mums just plough on, assuming we are being listened to 😂

Woopzies · 27/10/2023 15:46

Me: DC!
DC: Yes?
Me: .......
DC: What?! [them not hearing what I said]
Me ........

^ is fine imo

But if they started off with what I'd be a bit 🤔

Original poster
anareen · 27/10/2023 15:46

1990thatsme · 27/10/2023 15:45

I think maybe that’s the cultural difference as I suspect most British mums just plough on, assuming we are being listened to 😂

This is possibly a factor 🤣
Would make sense as to the confusion of assuming shouting/yelling in this context lol

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 15:49

@HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow

I'd never heard of pardon being frowned up. Evidently must be common as muck.

I can't see how what can possibly ever be polite, it just feels so abrupt, rude and arrogant

It depends what your priorities are really I guess. I agree "what" is a bit bald and aggressive and I wouldn't use it other than with someone I know really well.

My mum was a roaring snob and was absolutely phobic about what she perceived as lower middle class manners (and I've inherited a bit of this reflexively even though I hate it in myself).

"Pardon" is certainly politer but definitely quite twee and LMC and I do cringe a bit when I hear it. Its synonymous for me with people who put doilies on kettles and who don't like swearing in public and like to have sex once a week with the lights off etc.

NewFriendlyLadybird · 27/10/2023 15:53

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 06:49

Pardon is not 'working class' nor 'incorrect'. Ì would say it's just moving out of common parlance, so sounds a bit odd. It's quite old school (like my 94 year old granny)

Show quote history

I wouldn’t say ‘Pardon’ is working class, but it is certainly non-U — most likely to be used by the class-anxious lower middles.

I absolutely loathe the snobbery associated with the U and non-U discussion (though it was originally satirical). However, I have always taught my children to say ‘what’ rather than ‘pardon’.

Catsanfan · 27/10/2023 15:55

It's rude, although I admit I sometimes do it after the 7th time one of my children bellows 'mummy!' at me.

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 15:58

@NewFriendlyLadybird

I wouldn’t say ‘Pardon’ is working class, but it is certainly non-U — most likely to be used by the class-anxious lower middles.

Exactly this. But if your a snob, the class-anxious lower middles are the ones you most want to distance yourself from. Not the WC.

I do find "pardon" horribly twee and grannyish.

Chickenkeev · 27/10/2023 16:01

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 15:58

@NewFriendlyLadybird

I wouldn’t say ‘Pardon’ is working class, but it is certainly non-U — most likely to be used by the class-anxious lower middles.

Exactly this. But if your a snob, the class-anxious lower middles are the ones you most want to distance yourself from. Not the WC.

I do find "pardon" horribly twee and grannyish.

I'd find it old school/posh. But it seems i'm completely and utterly wrong. I'm questioning my whole belief system at this stage 🤣🤣🤣