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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws constantly refer to daughter as ‘baby’ rather than her name!

191 replies

Motherofpearlxoxo · 26/10/2023 23:07

MIL and FIL constantly refer to my 8 week old daughter, their granddaughter, as ‘the baby’ when speaking to us and one another.

”you come across with the baby”
”I’ll take the baby”
”pass us the baby’
”did baby just smile”
etc etc

When ‘the baby’ was 2 weeks old MIL referred to her as ‘thingy’ and I was livid but didn’t say anything. Husband agreed that it wasn’t good but we of course just left it as it was one passing comment. He doesn’t see any issue with only ever referring to our daughter as ‘baby’ or ‘the baby’.

She gives them non stop smiles and looks at them so adoringly and they can’t be arsed to use her name. It’s the very centre of someone’s identity!! Am I over reacting by being angry about this??

OP posts:
TentChristmas · 26/10/2023 23:08

Sounds like they don’t like their name and have decided to not use it to punish you. Maybe get your DH to ask why they won’t use her name?

Cormoran · 26/10/2023 23:09

My niece is 17 and I call her bébé (we speak in French) .
You don't seem to like your ILs very much.

Mrsjayy · 26/10/2023 23:10

I used to call my babies "the baby" at the age lots of people do.

Original poster
Motherofpearlxoxo · 26/10/2023 23:10

I actually quite like them…just this and a few other issues really grate on me 😄

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 26/10/2023 23:11

Cormoran · 26/10/2023 23:09

My niece is 17 and I call her bébé (we speak in French) .
You don't seem to like your ILs very much.

That's sweet.

Twistingskies · 26/10/2023 23:11

Is she your first?

Just say her name each time they do it. You don’t need to turn this into a big thing.

SammySays · 26/10/2023 23:12

In my family ‘the baby’ is a term of endearment. I’m in my 30’s and I’m still referred to as ‘the baby’ as I’m an only child. My mum will quite often say (if on the phone to my dad for example) “I’m just with the baby and then I’ll be home”. I don’t mind it- they could call me worse 😂

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 26/10/2023 23:12

I referred to my baby as 'the baby' for ages. Nothing sinister was meant by it. She just didn't seem old enough to have a proper name or something. Thingy is a bit different though.

I go by intent and actions. If they are otherwise loving towards her and they clearly don't mean any harm then I wouldn't fall out over it

Rhinestonecowgirlie · 26/10/2023 23:12

They've probably just called her the baby for so long while she was in you, that they've got so used to it. I call my nephew the baby, as he's the only grandchild, and he's everyone's baby! He's 3 😳 I love his name btw!

Mummy08m · 26/10/2023 23:12

Thingy is so not ok.

Is the name hard to pronounce? Would a nickname/shortening be a compromise you'd be happy with?

Original poster
Motherofpearlxoxo · 26/10/2023 23:13

Yes she is my first (and only I reckon!). Been going overboard with using her name to no avail.

l wouldn’t turn it in to a big thing but it’s got to me. Lack of sleep won’t be helping! 😂

OP posts:
Changethetoner · 26/10/2023 23:13

My husband and I called our baby "the baby" for weeks. It felt odd to use their name, and took a while to get used to doing so. During the pregnancy we'd talked about "the baby" and it just kind of continued.

A newborn baby is kind of just a blob, and it was hard to associate them with a person, a person with a name.

So I think you're being unreasonable. I'm sure in time, the grandparents will realise the baby is in fact a human person, and start using their name.

EsmeSusanOgg · 26/10/2023 23:14

I love my kiddos - but my oldest is regularly 'little man' or 'munchkin' and the baby is as often 'smallest' or 'the baby' as he is his name. Some people use lots of nicknames and diminutives as standard. Throw in some cuties, and my darlings, or 'mon petit seagull' for newborns... And yeah.

If you don't like it, try and gently redirect. And perhaps ask your partner if they've always been nicknamey type people?

Lammveg · 26/10/2023 23:14

I know what you mean but I would guess its not meant in a mean way unless there's a back story?

I still call my DD 'The Baby' sometimes (note the capital letters lol) and she's 9 months old. Sometimes people take a bit of time to warm up to calling a baby by their name.

If it bothers you either ask/tell them straight or emphasise using DDs name when they say 'baby'.

stealthninjamum · 26/10/2023 23:15

I don’t like thingy but the baby is fine, quite sweet even.

will you be referring to the in-laws as granny and grandad or Pete and Sue? I think they’d prefer to be granny / grandad so the name isn’t so important to one’s identity.

TakeMe2Insanity · 26/10/2023 23:15

My aunty (the youngest of nine) was still referred to as the baby despite being a mother 2 grown up sons. I think it only stopped once she became a grandmother!

Could it be cultural? Or do they genuinely dislike the name?

NuffSaidSam · 26/10/2023 23:15

I say this with kindness, but yes, you're being absolutely ridiculous and PFB of the highest order.

Write this down somewhere and come back to it when she's 5/10/15 and give yourself a good laugh.

Original poster
Motherofpearlxoxo · 26/10/2023 23:16

@stealthninjamum fair point 😂

OP posts:
Duttercup · 26/10/2023 23:16

Everyone in my family calls mine the baby and she's 3. I think she's stuck with it now.

I'm not sure it's worth getting upset over.

Fionaville · 26/10/2023 23:16

Whoever is the youngest in our extended family gets called 'The baby' by the whole family. It was me until I was 24 🤣 The title has been passed down through all the grandchildren and now its my DD who's 11! It's a term of endearment where we live.

Mummy08m · 26/10/2023 23:16

Also do they call each other by their real names or do they use Darling etc? Some people don't use names unless they're being formal or even telling someone off.

Personally I love using names, I say Dh's and dd's names all the time, to me they're like music like in that west side story song "Maria".

Lentilweaver · 26/10/2023 23:16

Go NC. How very dare they?

Kitkat1523 · 26/10/2023 23:17

Where I live the youngest child in a family is called ‘the baby’ until they are about 13 …..do you not like your partners parents?

Lavender14 · 26/10/2023 23:18

We also called ds baby for ages, I still do as a term of endearment along with many other ridiculous terms! I would take it as a sign of affection.

Katrinawaves · 26/10/2023 23:18

Another one who thinks you are overreacting. My nephew who was the first grandchild has only ever been referred to by my parents and sister as “Wee one”. And he’s 30 now 😂

It’s just an affectionate way of referring to her - I seriously doubt any insult is intended!