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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws constantly refer to daughter as ‘baby’ rather than her name!

191 replies

Motherofpearlxoxo · 26/10/2023 23:07

MIL and FIL constantly refer to my 8 week old daughter, their granddaughter, as ‘the baby’ when speaking to us and one another.

”you come across with the baby”
”I’ll take the baby”
”pass us the baby’
”did baby just smile”
etc etc

When ‘the baby’ was 2 weeks old MIL referred to her as ‘thingy’ and I was livid but didn’t say anything. Husband agreed that it wasn’t good but we of course just left it as it was one passing comment. He doesn’t see any issue with only ever referring to our daughter as ‘baby’ or ‘the baby’.

She gives them non stop smiles and looks at them so adoringly and they can’t be arsed to use her name. It’s the very centre of someone’s identity!! Am I over reacting by being angry about this??

OP posts:
Ostryga · 27/10/2023 09:30

My brother is the baby and he’s 24 😂 Dd is 7 and I still say oh I’ve got to go pick the baby up from school etc. So they may not grow out of it.

I don’t think they’re doing it to cause harm, but you’ve got your PFB so will be mega on it in regards to things like this. It won’t annoy you in a few years.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/10/2023 09:34

I refer to our 3 YEAR 10 MONTH OLDS as the babies. It's love, not disdain

DottieMoon · 27/10/2023 09:58

Yes I think you are over reacting big time. They are saying baby out of endearment!

LookItsMeAgain · 27/10/2023 10:24

I was still called "the baby" of the family by my grandmother and at that stage I was 12 and helping her navigate shopping centres with her poor sight and bad hearing.
I still remember her asking "What would the baby want for Christmas?" to my mum. I was able to pipe up from the back of the car, "I'd like X or Y Granny, thank you". She was quite the card 😁

HeadAgainstWall0923 · 27/10/2023 10:30

Perhaps go and watch the last few series and the Christmas specials of Gavin and Stacey, that might make you feel less annoyed.

ginasevern · 27/10/2023 10:33

"The baby" is fine and pretty common for grandparents, or even parents. I called my son "the baby" when talking about for quite some time. "Thingy" however is a very odd way to talk about her grandchild but at least it was a one off. Maybe she was flustered.

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/10/2023 10:35

I think baby is pretty normal. We still do it sometimes and he’s 3!
Thingy, not so much.

FallingFeathers · 27/10/2023 10:36

It's habit. We do the same with our own until they are a bit more like proper people. Not sure why, its just a habit.

WeightoftheWorld · 27/10/2023 10:41

This is completely normal for many people isn't it? My DGM always called DC1 baby/the baby/the bairn until DC2 was born. DC1 got a nickname from then (shortened version of her name which we also often use) and DC1 became baby etc! My DSis will be having a baby soon so I presume DC2 will start to get his name and new baby will then be baby! DH's DGM has done exactly this too and so have all my great aunts. I think it's sweet. I still call DC2 'the baby' sometimes myself and he's just turned 2!

Apossum · 27/10/2023 10:44

Motherofpearlxoxo · 26/10/2023 23:29

Well that got me told 😂
I’m still annoyed but I shall endeavour to get over it!!

Thanks all 🥰

This is the best response to being told yabu I’ve seen on mumsnet yet 😂
fwiw don’t stress it, I call my son ‘the boy’ or, more often, just ‘boy’ I absolutely adore him, doesn’t mean I don’t love his name either!

Andie667 · 27/10/2023 10:48

Encouraging language like baby informs child of family they belong to. Later on they would like to opinion continuance without shocking language

Imtootiredtothinkofausername · 27/10/2023 10:53

Yes I think you are very much overreacting.

Our youngest is always called the baby. It's like a term of endearment. Infact my older one sometimes gets green eyes and says

"I'm still your baby too aren't I Mummy!"

I think you are massively overthinking this. Sometimes babies seem too little to have a name somehow. Like they need to grow into their personalities a bit first 😂
I think as a mum, you've spent months and months perusing and pontificating over names and weighing them up and deciding so it probably feels like a much bigger thing to you. Also you've probably had longer to think of her as that name. But it doesn't sound like your inlaws mean anything malicious by it so I really wouldn't worry.

HeadAgainstWall0923 · 27/10/2023 10:58

Imtootiredtothinkofausername · 27/10/2023 10:53

Yes I think you are very much overreacting.

Our youngest is always called the baby. It's like a term of endearment. Infact my older one sometimes gets green eyes and says

"I'm still your baby too aren't I Mummy!"

I think you are massively overthinking this. Sometimes babies seem too little to have a name somehow. Like they need to grow into their personalities a bit first 😂
I think as a mum, you've spent months and months perusing and pontificating over names and weighing them up and deciding so it probably feels like a much bigger thing to you. Also you've probably had longer to think of her as that name. But it doesn't sound like your inlaws mean anything malicious by it so I really wouldn't worry.

My children get green-eyed-monster over it too 😂

Mine are 9 and 6 years old and I will always grab one for a cuddle and say, “Whose my special little baby?”

And the other one soon appears telling me that he’s also my special baby 😂❤️

Spareus · 27/10/2023 11:02

Massive over reaction!

LylaLee · 27/10/2023 11:10

Maybe they hate the name Knoxlynneleigh.

dontcallmelen · 27/10/2023 11:13

WhateverMate · 26/10/2023 23:21

Thingy is weird but baby is normal imo.

My Irish mum would say, "Are you bringing the small one?" 🤣

Aww mine as well, brought back lovely memories seeing your post.
my youngest dgd is three I sometimes still call her “The baby” as even now her name just seems so grown up for such a little dot.
do agree though thingy isn’t very nice.

MadamVastra · 27/10/2023 11:19

At least they put a 'the' in front of it!

AuntieDolly · 27/10/2023 11:20

We still call the box room the baby's room. He's 25

Rosiiee · 27/10/2023 11:24

Aw OP 😂 I call my 21 months old ‘the baby’ whenever I talk about him to others. He’ll forever be my baby as the youngest! I stopped calling my older one ‘the baby’ when he started screaming at me everytime I did 😂

PinkRoses1245 · 27/10/2023 11:25

NuffSaidSam · 26/10/2023 23:15

I say this with kindness, but yes, you're being absolutely ridiculous and PFB of the highest order.

Write this down somewhere and come back to it when she's 5/10/15 and give yourself a good laugh.

This. Be grateful this is your only gripe with your in laws

Fionaville · 27/10/2023 15:30

WednesdaysChild50 · 27/10/2023 01:55

Bloody hell lol my son is late 20s and his father had I often refer to him as “the boy”

We call ours 'The boy, The girl, The baby' The boy is 18. They are akin to a royal title in this house 😆

Goodluckanddontfitup · 27/10/2023 19:16

It’s just a turn of phrase. My boy is 3 and I still refer to him as ‘the baby’. I doubt there is any bad intention to it at all, I’d let it go

Kd96 · 27/10/2023 19:20

I think this is an old fashioned way of people saying 'we don't like them name you've chosen'. My grandmother did this to both myself from the day I was born to the day she passed away and did it to my daughter too from the day she was born to the day she passed away (grandmother that is)! And made it extremely known to me that she hated both names 'we hate your name so we'd always call you poppet, baby, princess etc' it stuck with me :( and was the first thing I noticed when DD was always referred to as 'poppet'.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 27/10/2023 19:26

My 15 YO is still "my baby" and my sister is still my mothers baby. Its a term of endearment. If it really riles you, just ask them nicely to use her name.

tunapokebowl · 27/10/2023 19:35

Respectfully, I get it but I think you might be being a teeny tiny bit unreasonable.

My mum calls DD "our baby". It grates, my new mum brain says she is my baby! But I know I'm being completely unreasonable and they adore her as much as we do.

Even "thingy", she probably just had a brain fart and forgot the name. I do it to my closest friends and people I've known years, doesn't mean I like them any less, care about them so little I don't remember their names, or hate their names.