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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws constantly refer to daughter as ‘baby’ rather than her name!

191 replies

Motherofpearlxoxo · 26/10/2023 23:07

MIL and FIL constantly refer to my 8 week old daughter, their granddaughter, as ‘the baby’ when speaking to us and one another.

”you come across with the baby”
”I’ll take the baby”
”pass us the baby’
”did baby just smile”
etc etc

When ‘the baby’ was 2 weeks old MIL referred to her as ‘thingy’ and I was livid but didn’t say anything. Husband agreed that it wasn’t good but we of course just left it as it was one passing comment. He doesn’t see any issue with only ever referring to our daughter as ‘baby’ or ‘the baby’.

She gives them non stop smiles and looks at them so adoringly and they can’t be arsed to use her name. It’s the very centre of someone’s identity!! Am I over reacting by being angry about this??

OP posts:
MysteryBelle · 27/10/2023 00:17

I called my son baby until he was 2, then after that and still now on occasion. He’s 18 😂 Technically your baby is still very much a baby at 8 weeks old and will be until she’s one or two (someone please correct me if that’s wrong).

Your baby will be a baby at 8 months let alone 8 weeks. I think you’re mixing up newborn with baby. In fact a baby can be considered a newborn still at 8 weeks and longer according to this site. A child is an infant, or baby, until one year old.

https://www.pampers.com/en-us/baby/development/article/newborn-baby-toddler-age

But if you think they’re doing it because they don’t like the name you’ve picked out, that’s very different, and they shouldn’t be ignoring her name. That would upset me too. I would ask them why they’ve never uttered her name and yes I’d use the word utter.

About Newborn, Infant, Baby & Toddler Age Ranges | Pampers

Learn about the differences between a newborn, infant, baby, and toddler, including the age ranges for each stage and more.

https://www.pampers.com/en-us/baby/development/article/newborn-baby-toddler-age

Mummyoflabradors · 27/10/2023 00:35

My granddaughter is 8 months old and we call her everything from bubba, babykins, sweet cheeks,baby cakes, chubs,little legs and much more!

Saggypants · 27/10/2023 00:44

Mummyoflabradors · 27/10/2023 00:35

My granddaughter is 8 months old and we call her everything from bubba, babykins, sweet cheeks,baby cakes, chubs,little legs and much more!

I'm surprised you haven't been accused of body shaming Grin

mrsfollowill · 27/10/2023 00:50

I know someone who refers to her youngest as 'our babs' - he's 21 😁I think it's sweet. It is hard to imagine when you have a tiny baby but they grow up so quick and before you know it you are trying not to be the embarrassing parent in JD Sports.

Sunmoonandstarsforever · 27/10/2023 00:50

In Liverpool it’s very common for the youngest to be “our baby” or “the baby” no matter how old they are- it’s a term of endearment I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s better than them not bothering with their grandchildren that’s for sure

crumblingschools · 27/10/2023 00:56

Have to say I probably called DS more terms of endearment than his actual name when he was little, as did my parents to me (all through my life). Knew you were in trouble if your name was used!

If they are being kind and not overbearing I would let it go. If it is because they don’t like the name that might be an issue so I hope it isn’t that.

bakewellbride · 27/10/2023 01:20

My 19 month old is 'the baby' a fair bit to me and her dad!

Peepshowcreepshow · 27/10/2023 01:22

My 18yo is still referred to as "the baby' (not in public, obv). When she was born her name seemed all wrong, she was too tiny for an actual name, nicknames seemed contrived. 'Baby' worked perfectly (and clearly still does).

HerMammy · 27/10/2023 01:34

Be honest does she have a ridiculous name? 🤣

mathanxiety · 27/10/2023 01:54

1000umbrellas · 26/10/2023 23:20

They have forgotten her name and are too embarrassed to admit it.

This ^

Or they're going a bit deaf and won't admit it. One says he's sure your baby's name is Laura and the other isnsure it's Dora, so they call little Flora "baby'. Do they ever have the TV volume up a little higher than a comfortable level?

WednesdaysChild50 · 27/10/2023 01:55

Bloody hell lol my son is late 20s and his father had I often refer to him as “the boy”

VeridicalVagabond · 27/10/2023 02:04

My youngest sister is 28 and she's still called "the baby". It's surely an endearment rather than an insult? "Thingy" isn't ideal but she might've just forgotten her name and said something clumsy. Haven't we all gone "oh you know, what's her face?" at some point? Even about people we know and love? My own mother has called me the dog's name more than once. Sometimes you just have a brain fart, if it was just once I wouldn't cling to it and let it fester.

Consider yourself lucky, my grandma calls me Maggot and has since I was wee.

WearyAuldWumman · 27/10/2023 02:32

My late father still called me "the bairn" when I was in my 50s. It was said with love.

lalafox · 27/10/2023 02:40

My son is 18.. only grandchild and is still referred to as el niño (the baby boy) amongst all my family ( parents, Aunties, uncles, cousins) and I love it. I think it's sweet

Topseyt123 · 27/10/2023 02:55

My three were all called baby, babba, Babs, babsy when they were that age. By me and DH mostly.

Thingy I wouldn't like, but other than that you really are overreacting. Plenty of babies are called baby as a term of endearment. They still grow up knowing their names.

Gowlett · 27/10/2023 03:14

Is there lots of other grandkids? Your kid is the the new “baby”.

Thingy. My MIL would deffo say this! Wouldn’t take offence…

ButWhatIsIt · 27/10/2023 06:11

My kids were always referred to as baby then name by the grandparents and various other family members.
They think it's a bit embarrassing that as married adults with their own children, they're still referred to as Baby plus name. 😂

lamalamalamasquirrel · 27/10/2023 06:13

I think they are struggling with the name. Either they keep forgetting what exactly it is or they hate it.

Magenta65 · 27/10/2023 06:16

I was the baby until around 9/10! It’s a term of endearment nothing more. I think you’re maybe over reacting, the way they talk is how my family would talk about t the newest to a family if I’m honest. Thingy is very very rude and that would annoy me but your baby is currently,THE baby for them. Leave them to it, it’ll stop as they get older. I remember protesting age 6/7 that I was no longer the baby 😂

Wiffleontoomuch · 27/10/2023 06:16

If they're Scouse this is totally normal

itsallnewnow · 27/10/2023 06:20

Oh dear, in our family the smallest one is the baby until the next baby appears, poor DB was 14 when he stopped being the baby Grin

StarTrek6 · 27/10/2023 06:27

Is it the first baby in the family? I think that might be why she's Baby but once she is doing things or you want her to pay attention to you etc etc they'll use her name.

crew2022 · 27/10/2023 06:33

If they are kind, supportive and treat you well (and 'the baby') I would say it's not a problem at all.
I think in-laws can grate more once you have your own child, but try and be kind. You'll possibly be an in law one day.

AnnaSewell · 27/10/2023 06:36

My own - adult - daughter is known as The Baby Bear.

I see a long, conflict-filled road ahead for you....unless you can relax a bit and simply enjoy 'the baby'.

bloemen · 27/10/2023 06:48

We named the bump and DC1 was the bump name for about 3 months and baby for maybe longer. We loved their name but it seemed weird to have a real "adult" name when such a tiny baby! Iykwim No problem with DC2 as didn't name the bump and not PFB but they are often referred to by a variety of other nicknames unless n trouble when even middle names can be blasted out!

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