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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws constantly refer to daughter as ‘baby’ rather than her name!

191 replies

Motherofpearlxoxo · 26/10/2023 23:07

MIL and FIL constantly refer to my 8 week old daughter, their granddaughter, as ‘the baby’ when speaking to us and one another.

”you come across with the baby”
”I’ll take the baby”
”pass us the baby’
”did baby just smile”
etc etc

When ‘the baby’ was 2 weeks old MIL referred to her as ‘thingy’ and I was livid but didn’t say anything. Husband agreed that it wasn’t good but we of course just left it as it was one passing comment. He doesn’t see any issue with only ever referring to our daughter as ‘baby’ or ‘the baby’.

She gives them non stop smiles and looks at them so adoringly and they can’t be arsed to use her name. It’s the very centre of someone’s identity!! Am I over reacting by being angry about this??

OP posts:
TolkiensFallow · 27/10/2023 06:51

It can be a bit of a generational thing. It does sound like this is getting to you, personally it wouldn’t bother me but I remember being really hormonal with my first and probably overreacting to things…pick your battles.

Rewis · 27/10/2023 06:54

At 8 weeks they're not really a person yet, theyre an extnesion of the mother so.id imagine they havent gotten used to it. I'd imagine once they learn to walk and talk and has a personality they'll use a name or a nickname or something.

But as pps have mentioned a lot of kids are called something. Like my mom stell calls my brothers baby boys (they're almost 50) to separate them from the boys which is my dad and his brother. And a lot has some nickname related to being a baby/small.

If you have a good relationship, try to let it go. You can ask them to stop but it is a bit unnecessary

Flyhigher · 27/10/2023 07:05

What's her name?

ittakes2 · 27/10/2023 07:36

We called our twins the babies!! In some cultures it’s common to use terms of endearment. I personally wouldn’t worry about it at this early stage.

MammaTo · 27/10/2023 08:08

My 25 year old sister still gets called the baby.
I always call my own baby “the baby”.
Where’s the baby, how’s the baby today, I’ll hold the baby.

You're massively over reacting I think.

Didimum · 27/10/2023 08:14

DH and I both called our twins the babies for absolutely ages. Probably years.

theduchessofspork · 27/10/2023 08:18

TentChristmas · 26/10/2023 23:08

Sounds like they don’t like their name and have decided to not use it to punish you. Maybe get your DH to ask why they won’t use her name?

It does not

People often do this with young babies, including their parents. It just takes a while to bed in.

Basilthymerosemary · 27/10/2023 08:21

Still call my teenage daughter baby 😂

IdontShineifYoudontShine · 27/10/2023 08:24

I’m still saved as “Baby” in my mum’s phone.

I’m in my late 40s 🤣

W0tnow · 27/10/2023 08:26

It’s normal. Do they absolutely adore her in the way that only grandparents do? That’s enough. Congratulations on your little one. My 3 range from 16 to 18. Every night when I go to bed I say ‘nigh nigh babies!’

quietnightmare · 27/10/2023 08:26

They mean no harm and hate to break it to you but she is 'the baby'

W0tnow · 27/10/2023 08:27

Didimum · 27/10/2023 08:14

DH and I both called our twins the babies for absolutely ages. Probably years.

Same!

NoNameisGoodEnough · 27/10/2023 08:27

It can be a geographical thing. As PPs have said, often in Liverpool.
I dealt with a parent at school and thought she had another younger child until I realised we were talking about her school aged child that she kept referring to as 'the baby'.

HeadAgainstWall0923 · 27/10/2023 08:29

I think calling babies by a name is quite creepy for some reason.

They’re just little angels and the idea of them having a name and using it just seems a bit too grown up 😂

I always refer to babies as: gorgeous, angel, sweetheart, beautiful etc. I don’t really use their name until they’re about 6 months ish…

Richvanilla · 27/10/2023 08:40

Meh, everyone refers to my nieces as the babies, and one of them is two!

AnaisMae · 27/10/2023 08:50

Kindly, YABVU.

Bleepbloopbluurp · 27/10/2023 08:55

I have relatives like this. And then they refer to anyone under the age of about five as "baby [name]". I find it strange and a little endearing, as though baby is a title. I also think it might be regional.

fishonabicycle · 27/10/2023 08:57

My son is 22 and I call him my big baby on occasion!

Tourmalines · 27/10/2023 09:01

Hmmm , not sure . I have a 12 week dgc and I’ve always used their name , every single time and in every context from day one . I wouldn’t use “how’s the baby” etc . Seems weird to me .

Pumpkingnome · 27/10/2023 09:04

I still refer to my one year old as the baby even though he isn't one anymore

I think a lot of people do this without even thinking

phoenixrosehere · 27/10/2023 09:10

Tourmalines · 27/10/2023 09:01

Hmmm , not sure . I have a 12 week dgc and I’ve always used their name , every single time and in every context from day one . I wouldn’t use “how’s the baby” etc . Seems weird to me .

Same.

My parents and in-laws call their grandchildren by their names and their uncles and aunts do to. My parents and sister do add little nicknames and DH and I have our own but we’re all still saying their names and our youngest is barely a week old.

I would at least expect the baby’s name to be said at least a few times here and there, not just referred to as the baby.

I’d just ask why.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 27/10/2023 09:15

Oh God this is totally normal in our family, all babies are referred to as 'the baby' until they get replaced by another sibling or niece or nephew!

Onelifeonly · 27/10/2023 09:17

I think it's quite natural to call a baby 'the baby' to start with. If you're not the parent, you don't know much of their character to start with and, as the mother is usually always present, they do seem rather like her appendage to begin with, rather than a separate human being.

I get asked how are "your girls" frequently - youngest now 18. Not quite the same but I'm not offended by the non use of their names.

callmesophia · 27/10/2023 09:20

My youngest (7 weeks) is 'the baby'. By grandparents, us, and siblings, everyone really 😆 and I'm guessing she will be for many years! Before she came along the next youngest was the baby... until the new one came along. I've got four children and they've always been 'the baby' at some point.

It's adorable. And in the grand scheme of things not a big deal and temporary.

TheGoddessFrigg · 27/10/2023 09:23

A woman I worked with always referred to her youngest child as 'the babby'. (Birmingham). I never learnt the child's actual name.
My grandmother called me 'Baby Bunting' for years. It's very sad when they die and you realise you will never hear it again.